updates

I seem to have missed posting this past weekend. Not that I was very busy or anything but I did enjoy lots of time in the sun. Found a new beach and I love it. Just a stones throw from the place that I usually wander down to BUT this beach is much nicer.

Lots of soft sand and all of these little places that seem like private beaches on a larger beach. As it turns out, this was not always a beach area. Around 20 years or so ago, a bunch of locals started to cement these huge rocks into the side of the seawall, built rock benches, a rock fire pit and somehow got a bunch of extra sand from somewhere and voila a new beach was formed. It is small and seems to have a bunch of regulars that hang out but they have "allowed" me to settle into a little part at one end of it all. So in a nutshell, I spent a lot of time there sunning and using my beach umbrella for shade when needed.

Went to another drumming circle last night. It was not as big but a beautiful location at a lake surrounded by grassy areas and lots of trees. Nice.....

Just got back from the dentist so feeling kind of woozy. Need to get a crown so today was the prep work for that. Tons of freezing though and becasue of that they said not to chew on anything today so I guess it will be smoothies and soup for me until the freezing is completely gone.

And Dad seems to be doing o.k. They did take his walker away though and so now he has to use his wheelchair to get around. Thank God.........he just would not take a break so finally they said no more walker. He just gets too tired out. He keeps thinking that he is going to get stronger again but we all know that is not the case. Stubborn old guy..........

Started a new poem the other day so stay tuned............smile

Namaste

open days

So Dad has rallied once again. He is one stubborn Scotsman. Ran over there early to check on him and he was sitting up, dressed and had just come back from breakfast. The staff is totally amazed at his ability to come back from the brink. He is still congested and coughing but no more oxygen and he is managing to move around, not in the walker but in the wheelchair. However he is feeling VERY good about even that so onward and upward.

Had plans for today but most of them hinged on a beautiful sunny day and that, it is not. No rain but cooler temperature and lots of cloud cover.

I had a great day yesterday at the Pagoda.....the new place that I have been sitting in - holding space for readings. The owner said it was like I was a magnet yesterday. From the time I walked in until I chose to leave, they just kept coming. Nothing too draining, just the perfect amount of time between them all. So, THIS is good news. The other reader decided to quit yesterday because it has been so slow. Hmmmmm, perhaps it is just supposed to be my place to read.

Katrice at The Pagoda............sounds good don't you think??...smile

So I have the rest of the day stretching before me. While I would usually get all out of whack because things have changed from what I had envisioned, I am rather looking forward to what it NOW holds in store.

Blessings

The saga of dear old Dad

WHEW...........it has been a couple of very emotionally draining days. Went to see my Father to take him out to lunch on Tuesday and when I called to let them know that I was coming, they said that he was in no shape to be going anywhere that day. I said I'd come over anyway to visit.

In case you don't know about dear old Dad, he had to move into a Care Centre last November because he was getting so frail. He has been fighting it the entire time and looking to the day he could move back out. Because of his anger at being there, he has been putting himself in danger and last week he had another really bad fall, requiring stitches in his head. Then, as it now turns out, he has contracted pneumonia. I just found that out when I talked to the nurse last night.

Anyway, when I went to see him again yesterday he had not been able to get out of bed, could barely talk and looked like a little old skeleton laying there with the oxygen tubes in his nose. I feel so sad for this poor old Soul.

We had never had a good relationship, basically because most of his life he had been so angry at his lot in life. Never accepted the limitations that were placed on him and, while he had to stop doing something that he loved (flying airplanes) he never looked at all the other opportunities that were presented to him. And because of that, my life and the life of my brother were affected very adversely.

Each time that I have gone to see him the past two days, I have done energy work on him and when the energy starts to flow, he looks at me with very VERY new eyes. He relaxes and allows the energy to flow but when he gets TOO peaceful, he panics. He knows that his time is drawing to a close and again, he is fighting it. I keep telling him to relax and allow the energy to flow as I breathe deep down into his Soul. Like I said, it has been very emotionally draining. While I am there I can step into the role of healer and know that I am doing good work. Unfortunately once I am back home or in the car or anywhere else, I am feeling sad.

Went to the doctor yesterday and she insisted that I take something for all the stress that I am going through. Dad is only part of it. I relented and hopefully I will start to feel more back to normal soon. These ups and downs are getting to me.

I just picked a Conversation with God card and the message for today is

Bless every person and condition and give thanks.

So with a thankful heart I shall go out into the world today and feel the blessings that are being bestowed upon me within the current state of my being.

Namaste

Embracing the Shadow

I had thought that "Embracing the Shadow" would be a good title for a poem but perhaps it might be more of a book title. I realized today that I was having a hard time thinking of the first line for a poem with that title so it has sat on the top of a page in my notebook for a few days. However, today I had a revelation.

Perhaps I should embrace some of the different personas that I am NOT hiding from me these days. One of which is writing erotica. It is SO much fun and today I was invited to view this new website for women called A woman's good night.

I had originally sent an email to the founders of this site in its infancy and it has taken them until now to get it up and running. When I took a peek at the website this morning, I also looked for submission guidelines and poof....I was off and running. I already have a number of short stories that only need a bit of editing so I did just that. I took a couple of them, did some quick re-write and brief editing and hit send. So perhaps soon I will be able to let you "listen" to some of my stories from THAT genre. This site is such that people can download "audio" stories. I might even send in a demo voice tape and see if I can read some of my stuff.....because that is also really fun.....grin.

That part of me is a part that I never really felt comfortable with. But I have to admit that when I read over some of the stuff that I wrote last year, I had to say "woo hoo"....Someone has to write that stuff and since I have a very good imagination, a "bit" of experience from all of my 50 something years (ahem!!) AND I like to write, I think it is about time that I gave myself some credit for that. Allowing myself to write those things that get people all tingly and flushed. I know that I get all tingly and flushed writing them and when I read it to those few people who I allow into that part of me, they too get all tingly and flushed....giggle. I am serving a purpose with that type of writing too and I am finally ready to acknowledge it.

There are so many people out there who are so veryblocked sexually that to be able to open up and allow yourself to "feel" or even remember how it feels is a very good thing. And, on another level, this site will PAY me for my writing.

I have to admit that all this writing has to be more than just me writing for the sake of it. I know that I am helping Me and I'm sure others are assisted or inspired to be more or do more than they are currently doing. For me, writing for a couple of hours seems to free me up more fully to be me. I feel like I am accomplishing something while doing something that I love.

I was talking with my drummer friend last night and I was talking about how uncomfortable I can get with I am left to my own defenses, left to be with just me. I described it like parts of me are fragmented and trying to re-align with the centre. When I find myself in that place, it is VERY uncomfortable. Nothing of note gets accomplished but today while èmbracing my shadow` I realized that there is nothing wrong with me or my shadow self. She has a lot to share and it is through the writing that she can shine. She of course being Me..... She, Me, I..............it is all one and the same. I should remember that. I would not be writing if there were not a lot in me that needs to be out there.

Funny how we unintentionally block our own creative talents because of skewed perceptions of what it right or "proper". Anyway, just thought I'd share.

I started to work on a new story today about people meeting up on a naked beach and....well....you can let your own imagination run wild with all the various scenarios that THAT can conjure up. In fact, if any of you has an idea for a story that you would like to come to life, let me know. I`m open to suggestions. And of course naked beaches leave lots of room to explore the world of sensuality and eroticism.......Gotta love it!

It`s been a good day. Blessings to you all.

lazy sunny day

Here it is a beautiful sunny day out there and I am inside. Having one of those days where I keep thinking of doing something other than what I AM doing, thereby not accomplishing much at all.

I did get to the gym and watered my poor house plants. I have not been a good "plant Mommy" these past few weeks, nor a good housekeeper. Does that happen to anyone else once the weather starts to get nice. Don't want to spend extra time inside when I could be outside. Am supposed to be meeting someone at the beach after 2:00 pm which seems WAY too late for me.

I usually like to get there early on a Sunday since EVERYONE and their dog wants to grab a piece of sand. Hopefully the beach that I am supposed to be heading to will be quiet. Never even heard of the beach that my friend is suggesting but I'll see how I feel when the time comes around.

I am really lazy when it comes to getting in the car and DRIVING to a beach since there is a whole whack of sand just down the street from my place so getting in the car is not high on my lists of favourite things to do when it is hot and touristy out there. Sigh. Perhaps I am being a tad spoiled in wanting others to always come to my neck of the woods. I should take a look at that.....

Had written a rather discourse on me and my "discomforts" of late.....on all levels but, lucky for you all, I deleted it. Yeah, yeah I know..............You are most welcome.

I'll think I'll go feed the cat or at least ruffle her fur..............

Where'd the week go?

It is now Friday morning and I am soon off to do my Fitness Coach gig, which is actually a fun way to spend a few hours AND make a few bucks. Of course, being a fun gig doesn't exactly translate in to a lot of money but it does keep me off the streets and somewhat focussed.

My drumming friend came over last night and I discoverd he is also quite adept at giving massages. I guess when you are able to work the "skin" of a drum it does make you more sensitive to other types of "skin"....i.e. MINE. Have had some incredible knots appear this week and I know why but knowing WHY and doing something about it are two distinctly different energies. Sigh.

I am always amazed at how the Universe works. I mean here is this amazing man who is so ready to embrace all of me and I am sitting here going "No wait I am not ready". I keep telling him that and he does understand but I can feel all of him reaching to completely enfold me in his energy. And while there are a lot of things that I am feeling drawn to experience with him, being a physical being connecting on ALL levels is just not in the cards for me. And of course, you know who called.

So I have to realize that there is still a large part of me that still wants to be connected in all of what that is. How do I come to grips with that? What part of me still wants to engage with someone else who is NOT wanting to embrace ALL of me.........my Soul and the Goddess incarnate. That shadow side of me is what calls to him and like I wrote in The Woman in the Mirror, she sighs as the answers are not immediately accessible.

But for the moment, the sun is shining and I am going to hit the beach later and perhaps another poem will come to bring light to what is percolating within this Soul.

Enjoy your day in whatever our day has in store for YOU.

drumming extravaganza

WOW..........a new gift/talent has opened for me. Went to the drumming circle last night and drummed for almost 3 hours. Took about 2 minutes for me to feel comfortable and I was off and running. At one point, the beat that I had settled into became the base for the circle. Like a call and response thing occured where I did my thing and then everyone else answered. So very powerful. Felt like I had been doing this all my life or at least remembering a time when I did so.

Got invited to a couple of other drumming events and feel like a new part of me has emerged. I had always heard that drumming was a healing thing but had no idea that I could open to that part of me and just let it flow. Sort of like when I get into dancing which I have ALWAYS done...but bigger. My hands started to burn by the end of it though so had to step out of the circle to let it all settle. Who knows where this is leading? I only know that a newness, a fresh breath of air is coming to the surface. Very exciting.....

I also wrote a new poem this past couple of weeks. Took a bit longer than usual though as the words that came to the surface almost scared me as I realized what has been buried for a long time. Perhaps I'll share with you all shall I?

It is called The Woman in the Mirror.

I look in the mirror and what do I see
Am image projecting itself back to me

Hair of red
Eyes of green
Frecked skin is what I see
But who is she behind the scenes?
What makes her laugh?
What makes her scream?

A silent scream that no one hears
Its full of hurt
Its full of fear
A sadness buried deep inside
No where to go
No where to hide

For she is the demon she tries to elude
To disengage
To not intrude
Oh what to do?
Yes! What to do....
She'd do it if she only knew

The questions call from deep inside
Does she answer the call?
Does she run and hide?

Inside she sighs.........
I sigh.

So that's it for the day so far. Who knows what will happen today.

Namaste