Transitions

THAT man with whom I have been in and out of whatever it is that we are "in" just found out that his cancer has returned. So, as you can imagine, this will be a huge part of my life for the next while. I'm feeling very human at the moment and while I know that we are spirit in the flesh, the fleshy part of me is reacting big time.

What is this lesson that I am being thrown into this time? Tried to disengage many times over the past 18 months and each time we reconnected, another piece of the puzzle came into play. But this? What is THIS?

Is this to test my strength as a healer?
Is this to test my belief in Spirit?
Is this for me to grow into that place where having another in my life - in the physical - is not the be all and end all to my life?

It's just one big test. Why it is here matters not nearly as much as figuring out how to do what I do........give of myself so that others may gain. Perhaps I have been trying to gain with all that giving and this is the lesson. To give unconditionally........to love unconditionally........

That just may be it...........

A friend actually asked me that question this morning. He said "Katrice, perhaps you should look at your motives in delving into this healing of this man" or words to that affect and I realized that perhaps I did have ulterior motives in all of this. I won't go into the whole affair, but suffice to say I wanted him to love me best. But knowing him like I do, he loves me the way that he does and he loves others in the way that he does and there is no choice to be had. It is what it is and while I hate to admit it to myself, I do wish it was other than what it is. And now this?

Is it possible to step away for good or do I even want to do that?

Whoa......tis a tangled web we weave - Us humans.

Anyway, all those other questions up above were all rhetorical you realize. I don't actually feel that anyone else is going to have the answer for me in all of this. For after all, it is my lesson but I will be seriously looking into the unconditionality of it all in the days and weeks to come.....

Namaste

Katrice