detaching and opening up to the call from within

Now that my foot is on the mend I am seeing the possibilities that are presenting themselves to me. It is not in working that I am going to get ahead methinks. It is in finally working as a writer as this is what calls to me. Why does it take so long for me to get going on it though? I can be so unfocused these days. Come to think of it, I have been rather floaty most of my life. Always had someone around to focus my attentionon thereby NOT focusing on ME. And while there are times when I think that I should get a job.....any job.......each time I think that I feel like I am copping out....does that make sense? I don't know.

Watched the movie "CRASH" last night......the unedited version. Ever seen it? LOTS of sex with the two main characters being James Spader (he is quite bizarre in this one) and Holly Hunter. TONS of frontal nudity and just plain wild sex constantly. Interestingly enough though while movies like that usually get me going......grin.......I found it rather uncomfortable. It made me think of the man that I just detached from and I find it quite perfect that that movie was on T.V. as an uncut version last night. Just another way for me to see that it is indeed over between me and that man. Perfect timing I guess. I got home at 10:00 and turned on the t.v. just as the opening credits were rolling. I had heard a lot about it over the years but I had never seen it . Seems it was time.

Ended up going to a friends house for a barbeque and I ended up barbequing since I am really good at it. It was a perfect evening for me because this is an old friend that I don't see often and while I was out on the patio barbequing, I realized how much I missed those times. Being out in the backyard barbequing, sipping sangria, talking. Felt so normal and I realized that I am now ready for normal again. Finally. Seems that over the past 10 years or so I have been trying to live on the edge while still yearning for a sense of normalcy in my life. At least now I am ready to take some steps in that direction. Of course choosing to be a writer might not be the most normal way to move through life but I do have a lot to say......smile.

And that being said I have a couple of articles calling to me to submit somewhere, anywhere. Have to get going in it and the detachment that I am feeling with so many parts of my life is making it a perfect time to fill up on what it is that truly calls to me.

Here's to your calling.......