ranting

It's been a hard week for me. WAnting to move forward and having a very sore foot is bringing up all sorts of things for me. I remember years ago when I was dealing with back problems, it was the same thing BUT then I had others to keep my mind occupied......2 kids and a husband, 3 cats and a dog, not to mention a large house and all that that entails. Now, however, it is just me and me. A friend of mine suggested that I just take this time to BE with me and while that sounds like a very VERY good idea, I do tend to want to get away from me which is of course impossible because wherever I go - there I am. Thanks to Jon Kabat something or other for that comment. He wrote a book called "Wherever you go, there you are" and it seems appropriate for me at this time.

Spent some time with my Father yesterday and THAT always brings things up. He is a very angry old man and I seem to be the one that he chooses to bark at.....probably because I am the ONLY one that will spend time with him. I want to be able to help and he is refusing it - all the while wanting his life to be better. It is so frustrating for me to be a healer and a giver and having it pushed away. My Father and I have had a very tumultuous relationship from the beginning of time and I am at the point where I am once again wanting to completely distance myself from him. Not a good time for me there at all.

As I sit here venting I am seeing why I have NOT been posting lately. Hopefully I'll be better later and will have something more positive to post.