So I made it through the weekend and while there were many MANY times that sadness descended upon me I woke up this morning with a new understanding of how I work.
Most of the angst that I have been going through is because I want to be accepted and allowed to share all that I AM. But at the end of the day, we all know that we can not force anyone to accept us if they are choosing to distance themselves from us. I kept pushing and since I know how much I do help those who ask for it I thought that everyone would be able to accept me and all that I bring to the table. This is simply not the case.
The fact that my ex-husband is not wanting to see me as he is transitioning could be for a number of reasons. We have been apart for over 20 years but there has not been any animosity between us for most of that time. We both knew that we were not a good fit anymore when we split and I have always maintained a friendly disposition when I have seen him. He even came to my second wedding and wished me well. We were not close but we could always be civil to one another. My sadness at this time comes from ME not being able to be there for him. And at the end of the day, I need to stop being so focussed on what it is that I want and be cognizant of what the other person wants. It is NOT about me at this time, it is about him or her or the other person.
I guess that the fact that there are numerous people in my sphere who are in various forms of distress, that are shutting me out, has made it so much more in my face. A BIG lesson is upon me at this time.
It is time for me to stop being constantly there for everyone else and start to pay attention to me. The fact that I am not allowed to be there for others should not be taken personally but BOY OH BOY it sure does feel personal.
It is now time for me to be ME for ME.
I have a feeling that I will return here later in the day but for now this feels right.
Have an awesome day and know that you are blessed.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment