more revelations

My blog the past few days has been coming to the realization that it is no longer appropriate for me to be looking for others to help me to come into my own. It is only through my own actions directly affecting MY life that I will be able to move to the next level of my particular journey.

I am a healer and the past few months I have had many people in my life push me away saying that they do not wish to receive what it is that I wish to extend to them. Two of them are transitioning through Cancer and to be pushed away and not allowed to HELP them has been devastating for me. How can a Healer heal if those who are in need will not accept the gift that is freely offered? It has been one of the hardest times of my life. These people are relatives, old loves, children........it has felt like I have been pushed out the door and left on my own with no one there to receive ME.

So, what I had just finally realized is that perhaps all this giving of mine was not un-conditional. Perhaps I had been doing so in the hopes that I would receive love in return. But I did not. And so, I am reminded again that it is not in what you receive, it is all in what you give. While I feel that I am offering myself from my heart and this I know to be true, my poor little heart has been wishing to receive from others. In giving I had thought I would automatically receive but this is not the case.

Thank God/Goddess for my writing ability as the past few days have been ones of deeper inner reflection and with each passing hour, I am feeling better. Understanding me a little better and allowing myself to go through this time of confusion knowing that I am emerging out the other side, stronger and more readily able to live the life that is before me - as one being on my own.

It has been a lonely journey of late but I am feeling the universal Love that is ever present as I sit here typing away and I know that this too shall pass........and I will be all the better for it.

I wish you blessings of infinite abundance.