tick tock

Do you realize that it is now only 10 days to Christmas? With all that has been happening around me, Christmas this year just does not seem real. I mean I did put up some "christmasy" things like a few poinsettias and red candles and twinkly lights, but other than the poinsettias, nothing much has changed. But when you think about, LOTS is constantly changing. And what does Christmas signify to me anyway?

Actually I was at a concert the other night and the mc asked us all to close our eyes and brng to mind one of our favourite Christmas memories. I remember opening my eyes really quickly as the tears were threatening to spill and it was NOT because of happy memories. I sat there throughout the rest of the evening simply enjoying the music but having to come to the realization that, for me, Christmas does not bring to mind happy times. I'm sure there are many of you out there like me but THis year I am NOT going to dwell on what is used to be like and simply allow myself to relax as everyone else goes crazy spending, and partying and drinking and such.

I remember last year starting to get all frantic, which is my usual way of being at Christmas...worrying about this that and the other thing. This year I have had my hands and head full with getting my Father settled and he is not happy about it, but that's another story. I have been trying to come to an understanding of why my daughter is choosing to distance her self from me while her father is transitioning and, I am managing to come to a place of acceptance for her journey, such as it is. At least she is talking to me again which is a huge step in the right direction. I am leaving her to accept my offerings or not and be o.k. with that.

I have a friend who also has an elderly father so I am going to pick up mine and we will do a father/daughter Christmas thing. It should be interesting. But at the end of the day, I am sure the fathers will love having their daughters there with them and I will be fine with that as will my friend. Of course she has always ahd a loving bond with hers while mine has NOT but now of course since he needs me there, he is much more loving towards me than he has ever been. Transitions are such an interesting thing I am finding.

Am looking forward to getting going on editing all the things that I have written these past few years because I will finally have something meaningful to send to various editors and see what I can make of it all. My life in words and my thoughts on paper for all to read. But of course with no work to pull me away from all that I am, THIS will finally become my work.

And yes, I will be writing regularly on this little blog of mine. It sort of primes the well methinks and since it is just me talking to the screen, it is not exactly rocket science but it DOES get me going in the morning. And speaking of going, I do need to do something other than sit here and babble to you all.

Have a wonderful day and be careful out there..........you know how crazy people can get at this time of the year.

Blessings to you all.