The fireworks last night were great. As I sat there clapping my hands and laughing like a little kid, I was trying to remember watching them as a child but no memory surfaced. I was trying to remember if I enjoyed them as much then as I do now. Strange... It could just be that I am finally allowing myself to experience unalderated JOY but the pleasure that I am deriving from this exposion of colour during the symphony of fire is incredible.
As I sat there watching the crowds build and for those of you who don't live in Vancouver, those crowds are HUGE. It is estimated that about 500,000 people all crowd down in my little part of the world on fireworks nights to sit on the beach and the grass to watch. I have a lot of friends that will not venture down this way on those nights because of the crowds. There are always going to be people who get slightly "tipsy" and/or "high" but at the end of the day, I have never felt fear but this is what I sense from others. Perhaps my level of trust that all will be o.k. is a bit higher than others but at the end of the day, I would not miss these displays for the world.
It is funny too that this year I have watched each and every one of the shows (3 so far and one more on Saturday) from the beach. I just realized that the reason that I have NOT ventured on to the beach or closer to the festivities is that same fear that I just mentioned. Something has changed for me this year.
I am so happy that I have others who enjoy going to these displays as much as I do but I am realizing that I don't actually NEED to have anyone go with me which is a big shift in my thinking. Just like the fear is no longer present while in the midst of the crowds. There was a while though when I realized that the young people next to us, who were already quite drunk and staggering 2 hours prior to the start of the festivities, were receiving another party to their little group who was bringing in some more supplies and, as he threw a bottle of Jack Daniels to his gang...........I knew then that we had to move somewhere else. They were staggering all over the place and with the crowd building I could see something or someone getting hurt and I did not want to be on the receiving of someone elses trip........if you know what I mean. Thankfully Spirit was watching over us as we realized that we would have to move anyway as, according to my friend, last night was going to be the highest tide of the whole year. We sat watching the water get closer and closer to our little spot and then when it hit a log in front of us and splashed over, we knew we had to move. Saved by the water. I did keep watching over to our old spot as those drunk young people finally got completely soaked and staggered off up the hill.
Slept threw the night too and woke up with a smile on my face. Life feels good.
Have an awesome day and I'll be back.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
lessons to be learned
It has been a very hard few weeks here in Vancouver for Moi. The past few days has seen a shift in energy within all of me and perhaps I have finally come out of another one of my funks. So much had been falling away and I was still trying to hold on. We all know how well that works now don't we. Am hoping that some lessons have finally been learned.
When we were in school (or are for some of you - you still are in school) we go to class, work on our lessons and then are tested to see if we retained any of what we had learned. It is like that with life in general methinks. We are given lessons and with time, we are meant to learn them and use these same lessons to move on to the next ones. And unfortunately there will always be new lessons. If we don't pass the tests, we are sent back to re-learn those same lessons. I said to someone the other day that I wished that these same stupid lessons would stop coming back up and then I realized that the only reason they keep re-occuring is that I hadn't yet learned what I was meant to learn. Hopefully something has anchored in this time and the next lessons will be of a higher nature. At least that is what I am intending.......smile
I went to a funeral yesterday. I didn't really know the gentleman that passed away but his long term partner is a friend of mine from the gym. I watched her throughout the entire service and I was so amazed at how composed and gracious she was to each and every person who came up to her. I had not brought any kleenex with me because I thought that simply because I didn't know this man well and that I had spoken to her over the past week and a half profoundly about her time with him, I mistakenly thought I would not cry. So for those of you who know me well, that was a completely STUPID thing to do.
He had 4 young adult children and they all got up to talk about their Father. THAT got to me big time because listening to them speak of their Father and their for him and his love for them, my heart opened big time and while I did not sob uncontrollably, the tears started and they just would not stop. It made me realize how lucky I am to still be here to learn these lessons, stupid or otherwise. Sigh..........
And I am learning things daily from my daughter too these days. She is going through her own lessons at this time and we are sharing many little heart to heart conversations. Her heart has opened to me once more and that is a wonderful place for me to be. It has been a hard time for her and I over the past 10 years or so but with all of HER lessons and all of MY lessons, we seem to be coming to a place of trust and safety and companionship with feels oh so very good.
O.K. so now I am off to spread my own brand of love and light to others for the day and I wish for you a day of sunshine, abundance and infinite JOY.
When we were in school (or are for some of you - you still are in school) we go to class, work on our lessons and then are tested to see if we retained any of what we had learned. It is like that with life in general methinks. We are given lessons and with time, we are meant to learn them and use these same lessons to move on to the next ones. And unfortunately there will always be new lessons. If we don't pass the tests, we are sent back to re-learn those same lessons. I said to someone the other day that I wished that these same stupid lessons would stop coming back up and then I realized that the only reason they keep re-occuring is that I hadn't yet learned what I was meant to learn. Hopefully something has anchored in this time and the next lessons will be of a higher nature. At least that is what I am intending.......smile
I went to a funeral yesterday. I didn't really know the gentleman that passed away but his long term partner is a friend of mine from the gym. I watched her throughout the entire service and I was so amazed at how composed and gracious she was to each and every person who came up to her. I had not brought any kleenex with me because I thought that simply because I didn't know this man well and that I had spoken to her over the past week and a half profoundly about her time with him, I mistakenly thought I would not cry. So for those of you who know me well, that was a completely STUPID thing to do.
He had 4 young adult children and they all got up to talk about their Father. THAT got to me big time because listening to them speak of their Father and their for him and his love for them, my heart opened big time and while I did not sob uncontrollably, the tears started and they just would not stop. It made me realize how lucky I am to still be here to learn these lessons, stupid or otherwise. Sigh..........
And I am learning things daily from my daughter too these days. She is going through her own lessons at this time and we are sharing many little heart to heart conversations. Her heart has opened to me once more and that is a wonderful place for me to be. It has been a hard time for her and I over the past 10 years or so but with all of HER lessons and all of MY lessons, we seem to be coming to a place of trust and safety and companionship with feels oh so very good.
O.K. so now I am off to spread my own brand of love and light to others for the day and I wish for you a day of sunshine, abundance and infinite JOY.
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