The sun has gone back into hiding.....again.....

I have to admit that I feel so sorry for all you people who have to work a regular work week, especially when the weather is stellar all week long and then, the weekend arrives and WHAM...the sun goes back into hiding. I am starting to realize how lucky I really am in that I am able to get out in the sun during my regular days since I don't have boss to report to and, come to think of it, NO ONE to report to. I guess that is a good thing.

I was sitting on the beach for a while yesterday and as I sat talking with a gentleman who wandered over to my log......smile.......yes, MY log, I was talking about how I am coming to grips with the fact that I am on my own and FINALLY I am starting to like spending my quiet times with ME. Ridiculous that it took this long for me to start to enjoy my time with me. It has been such an issue - so much so that at times I thought I was going nuts. The prospect of days with nothing to do and no one to talk to used to make me extremely anxious. I have a number of friends who are always going out to dinner or off on extended vacations all by themselves and I have never been comfortable doing so. I always wonder why that is. I mean everyone else likes to spend time with me, why wouldn't I like to spend time with me.

I remember when I was a MOM - I'm still a MOM but they certainly don't need me anymore - my husband used to take the kids camping every so often and I would stay at home. I would love it for about the first 6 hours and then I would feel so lost. My whole life revolved around doing for others and without them around, I couldn't just relax and spend quiet time with me. It has been that way for most of my life and it has only been recently that I am finding that there are now things that I can do all by myself that I enjoy.

For those of you who do not struggle with this issue, you are probably going "What is the matter with this woman?", but like it or not, this has been the way for me most of my life. In fact, when I would see couples strolling hand in hand, I would find myself tearing up as I so wanted to be in a relationship with another but now I realize that I probably glommed on to the various men in my life because I just didn't like to be alone. Now, I have been on my own for a few years and while I thought I would go crazy with the incessant hunt for the "other", I am now ready to settle down and start to get to know who I really am.

Sure I know who I am to others but who I am to me is another thing. I'm sure this is the reason that I do the work that I do. We all teach that which we most need to learn and it appears that I am needing to learn how to be ME.......sure I say I teach spiritual development but in reality it is simply the ability to enjoy the life that you are currently leading and if that is not the case, then teaching how to shift out of old ways of being so that you, and I, can come to an understanding of who we are NOW, as opposed to who we used to be.

On another note I got a call from a woman who puts together talks and classes at a local library. She called me to ask if I would give a talk on.....get this......personal development....smile. I know that God is letting me in on a big secret here. I need to pay attention.

You all have a wonderful day and I'll be back.......I promise.