rant #5,468 or something like that

So something good has occurred. My father is being moved into a Care Centre today and it has a really good energy so I, for one, am feeling better. I took a quick tour of it the other day and the people who work there are all wonderful......lots of smiling faces and good energy. I did hear however that my father is really pissed off at the transitional until where he has been residing for the past 2 months. All these changes are extremely difficult for him and he is lashing out.

I am having a rather time maintaining my centre and finally phoned my own doctor and am going to see about getting something that will help me sleep through the night and perhaps find a counsellor to help with not only my father but with the problems that are going on with my kids, the ex husband, the ex boyfriend and all of the old stuff that is coming to the surface. A hard time for sure and let's not forget that it is all coming to a head during the upswing for Christmas. I have to get to some place of balance before Christmas because it is going to be a lonely one for me. Again, not saying that so people go Awwwww, poor you. Just a fact.

Life is certainly interesting. I am finding that I am really wanting someone or some ones to come and help me come to a better place but as I keep reaching out and they keep either pushing back or not even responding, I am left knowing that this is a time of inner reflection and also a time where I am being forced to come to the realization that at the end of the day, we are on our own. I wish that there were a circle of friends who could come to make me feel safe and supported but most of the people that I do spend time with all have their own issues and not one of them is available to help me as they are having a hard time managing their own lives.

I guess there are some others that I could reach out to but, I don't know about you but, when I have so many that I consider close friends and relatives who are pushing me away, it makes it really hard to reach out to new people.......I guess I am fearful that EVERY one will push me away.

Glad that I called the doctor and hopefully this time I will be able to finally come to grips with whatever the core issue is for me.

anyway, sorry for dumping but then again......this is my blog and chances are that no one is reading it anyway.

groan.......