It's a good day

Yesterday was my birthday and I had one of the best celebrations I have had in years.

I happen to be one of those people who seem to fall into a funk around my birthday but this year I got to share it with my guy and it was wonderful. Great food, music, flowers and a beautiful heartfelt card that brightened up my life considerably. It is such a good feeling to once again have a significant other in my life who truly loves me and shows it with his actions and words.

As he said this afternoon with a smile "Life is good".

I know that I have not been very diligent about writing daily but this past few months has seen a lot of changes in my life and I am just now starting to settle in and see what the future holds. At the end of the day I feel very excited about this next stage of my life. So while I am now another year older, I am feeling very up and exuberant with a lightness of Being that has not been present for quite some time.

Heading to Miami next week for a convention which is part of the newness that is my life. Embarking on a business possibility and this convention is the portal though which I shall venture.

The writing is still going to be a major part of my life and hopefully, with a little determination and foresight, the business will afford me the opportunity to write just because I can.

Blessings

resurfacing once more

So yes I am still in the land of the living and so much for my last posting. Got all bogged down with the funeral of my ex husband and not to worry I am fine. The kids were a bit out of it for obvious reasons and my oldest friend was the ex's partner for the past 7 years so as you can only imagine it was quite surreal for a week or so.

Also, another friend of mine is going through cancer treatments too so I have been spending a lot of time out at his place trying to help out. I must be nuts though as it is completely taking me out of my own space and energy. The anger that he is experiencing is natural but it is quite awful watching someone trying to run away from something that will not let him go. He doesn't want to sit and be with it so that he can find his own place of strength within it all. I can only do so much but being ME, I just keep plugging through it all. I know that I will be spending time out there since cleaning the big house, looking after a 7 month old Shephard and making sure that he eats is something that is consuming him. He wants to be able to do it all but like it or not, that is not happening and that brings out his anger once again. Anyway, I will still be attempting to do my own thng without getting completely caught up in all that is his. He does need help though and I am the consumate helper dudette.

So now you know what has been happening and what my current excuse is for not getting back to this writing gig.

Blessings

something NOT so exciting...nor new

Well so much for my last post about sending out something new and exciting. Not only have I not posted ANY thing, I know it will be a few days before I do get around to it. I have ended up with a very painful bladder infection and am scheduled for some kind of procedure next week. Not your usual everyday kind of infection it appears but something associated with.......I hate to say this..........menopause.........argh.

Anyway, not to fear, I will be back and I'm sure the Universe will have lots to offer with respect to the why's pertaining to this particular infection.

Back to bed.......

something new and exciting is about to unfold

I just had a revelation after happening on a website of a woman who is going to be going to my lovely Kauai this month. She has re-ignited my desire to start writing channelled messages again so be aware...............soon very soon something of a higher nature will be appearing on my blog. But for the moment I am heading out to the last place on earth I thought I would be venturing to this evening. Oh the mystery of it all....smile

Blessings

old outworn blankets of familiarity

I had a good weekend and spent some special moments with a few people. But then I got a rather voracious bladder infection and have been feeling low and have also been experiencing pain for the past couple of days. Seems that there is something within me that is needing to be purged and while I have a feeling that I know what it is in the "present", it is bigger than just what lays before me.

At times I wish that I could simply move forward in my life from a place of love and acceptance but, like it or not, there are some situations that I still allow myself to conjur up and fall into. While I know that my main mindset is one of love and joy, it appears that I am still trying to find love and joy on the outside of me, forgetting once again, that nothing comes to me from the outside, it is the inner world that I need to connect to.

I am finally getting to the point of knowing deep within that this search for love outside of me has not gotten me very far and I am still immersed in some situations/relationships that do NOT foster a sense of love and joy within. Still trying to figure out why I do this and for today, I will try to detach from this old sense of sadness that still settles down upon like an old familiar blanket. This blanket, however, is feeling old and stale. Perhaps it is time for a new blanket of love to replace this old outworn one simply because it is now time.

For those that know me, the main attribute that most would say expresses ME is one of love and caring for others..........always............but then someone said to me the other day "Who heals you and cares for you?" I had to think about that one since so many around me are in need of that same love and care that I too desire.

A new friend brought me over a heating pad last night as I was in a lot of pain and just couldn't get out to shop for what I needed. I was so grateful to her (thanks Deb and my new friend Steve) because it helped so much and allowed me to sleep last night after a night of constantly getting up and lamenting the pain that kept calling to me. It was a deep pain and while it has subsided considerably, there is still this gnawing feeling that it is only a surface thing calling at me to look deeper.

Heading over to meet with the people in charge at my Dad's care centre to get a handle on his care and what is next. So much has changed for him this past 6 months and he is so in need of me and my presence. It is so hard though as I am also in need of me and the connection that I seek with others.

But for this moment, the sun has re-appeared and while it is cold and crisp outside, with the sun shining down upon me I will be able to wrap myself in that great LIGHT and use it to sustain me.

Blessings to you all.

changing times

o.k. I'm back. This week has been a hodge podge of things calling to me and while I have not been posting here I have been writing and planning for future classes out of my little sacred space in Vancouver. I have also posted a couple of my services on Craigs list. Go to Therapeutic Services or Creative Services in the Vancouver area to see if any of those appeal to you.

Lots of changes are happening within me and within those around me and it is all so very good. Shifts are happening with my family and those closest to me and while, sometimes it does not feel very comfortable, I am moving into a place of alignment for me.

I joined a writers group this week and am feeling very good about this change of direction. Was very well received the other night when I read one of my newest pieces of prose. I am also starting to do some work for ME with a very powerful woman next week and I'll be sure to share what comes out of that.

My daughter is coming around again and I am simply allowing her to come into her own as she slowly opens to me. My son returned from his trip to Europe and I am meeting up with him and his lady love tomorrow to hear all about it. He is still remaining rather distant but, as one of my friends said to me today, he has another woman in his life and I just have to adjust to a different relationship with my son. I am hoping to be able to spend more time with him in the future but am not holding my breath as his life is moving into a new place and while our relationship will never be what it once was, I know that we are still in a loving place...just not as much.

Hope your week has been going well and I look forward to hearing from you.

Riding the Waves

So guess what? My daughter is on her way over here. I am feeling very blessed. She is reaching out to me FINALLY...........woo hoo.

And the funny thing - well maybe in hindsight it isn't...funny that is. But what it is IS that I just wrote another poem with HER as the person in mind and it was a sharing of what I am wanting to offer to her at this stage of her life. It is still in the editing stage but she must have heard it through the ozone. I have yet to share it with ANY one.

Oh, and I forgot that I also mentioned that I had lost my Mother at around the same age as she is NOW as she watches her Father transition. This I had done through her answering machine because has not been taking my calls of late.

Sigh.............so as you can now see and as I can see too. If we really focus on something with all of our heart and soul and , not for our own personal gain but, for the betterment of other Souls as they traverse this terrain with the rest of us. it will come to pass. For I have a lot to share and I can now see that it is certainly time for me to focus consciously - I mean really there 100% on all of the things that I am currently working through with my thoughts, my words, my solutions - and put this focus into my writing.

It has meaning. It has merit. It has truth. It has Love. It has Soul.

O.K. I'm really babbling here but I am feeling such a significant shift starting to happen that I am trying to contain myself.

I bought a new necklace yesterday and it is a silver wave. Very simple. One of those wear every day kind of necklaces and for me it just screamed at me from the display cabinet. I have been riding a very significant WAVE in my life for the past couple of years and moreso for the past 6 months and now, with the wave around my neck, I can simply settle in and ride it. Paying attention to the ups and the downs and feeling my way into them. Allowing them to evolve in their own divine manner and just go with it.

So, she just called...big smile Here I go to ride this portion of the wave.

Blessings to whoever you are...

Windy Saturdays

Not much to report today. Got up after having another good sleep. And it's about time since I have not been sleeping well at all for the past few months. Got some relief finally with the help of a natural tincture from the health food store. Not only does it help me sleep but, for those of you who don't know, I am going through, as it is affectionately called, the CHANGE and this wonder elixir also helps with those other annoying things like hot flashes....or power surges. I'm sure someone called them power surges to try and make herself feel better because, believe me, these do not instill a feeling of power in me AT ALL. Anyway, not a problem any longer so woo hoo for me.

Actually accomplished some things that I have talking about doing for weeks and that is a very good thing. Not for anyone else, just for me and that is doubly good. Also bought myself a really nice little necklace and earrings. Took myself out with a friend for lots of sushi.........so good. Treating me.........

Now I am back home and ready to write for a bit. It is cold out and really windy again. Just looked out my office window and noticed that my neighbour had a big tree, that is in a large pot, blow over. The wind was quite loud last night and I don't even usually hear it so I know that there was, and still is, some deep clearing going on. The waves are quite big too down by the water which is always good for the quality of the air around us in my neck of the woods. Feels quite fresh and I am feeling quite fresh too come to think about it.....smile

Anyway, enough of this idle blabbing. Off to write something more poignant. If it feels right, I'll be posting it - whatever comes out - here in a short while.

Blessings

Ramblings for a Friday

I just thought of another resolution.....I will do a spell check before posting these musings of mine. I just re-read the last post and PHEW.....certainly must have been in a hurry or just plain lazy. Anyway, let's see if I can do better this time.

So I skipped a few days but I am not going to go into my own personal guilt trip. I have been working on a few things and doing research AND meeting some new writing cohorts through the internet so that is a very good step in the right direction. I have also had more people calling me the past few days to just go for a cup of coffee or tea or a beverage and I have been going for it. Of course after reading my last post, I remember that one of my resolutions for the coming year is to NOT spend time with people who sap my energy and for sure, one of my outings did just that. After I had said yes, to that request, part of me went "why are you doing this?" Anyway, now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will not be cajoled into doing anything with this person again.

Hmmmm, a shadow of a doubt..........what is a "shadow of a doubt" really? I guess it would be something that lingers on the fringes of your consciousness calling to you to listen...pay attention. We certainly can be our own worst enemies now can't we?

I just looked up at the calendar and realized that I had yet to put up my new 2008 calendar. Each year I wait until the first week in January to buy my new calendar.....miss frugal don't you know and today was the day. Usually I get a beautiful art type calendar but this year, I was drawn to a Zen Calendar. All the pictures are very Japanesey with black and gold and sepia tones sharing wonderful Buddha quotes. This first month of the year has the following:

Our life is momentary and, at the same time, each moment includes its own past and future. In this way, our momentary and eternal life will continue. This is how we actually live our everyday life, how we enjoy our everday life and how we have freedom from difficulties.


Sort of puts things into perspective doesn't it? We are continually moving from one moment to the other and within each moment is EVERYTHING and NOTHING at the same time. I do know that I have somehow moved into a more zen like way of being as I am moving into this new year. Standing in my own power and being more present without worrying about what is to be. There seems to be some sort of "knowingness" surrounding me or perhaps emanating from within me the past few days. I'm sure it has a lot to do with all the sadness that is around me in the people in my world.

My dear friend was helping her beloved eat his lunch this morning as he is now in a palliative care unit at the hospital dealing with his challenge with cancer. I caught her in the hospital as she was trying to help him get ready for one more visit with another doctor to try to find something that will assist him with his pain. Turns out that he is one of only 1% of the population that does not respond to either morphine or one of the other regular pain killing meds that are generally thrown out there. They have been upping his dosage constantly since May and earlier this week, he just keeled over. They finally discovered that all this medication has not only NOT been helping him but it has also been hindering his progress. So sad and frustrating for them both.

Not only am I sad for HER but he just happens to be the father of my children.......yup, my dear friend is with my ex husband. Now don't get all wound up here because I had been divorced from him for years when they hooked up. I used to say that I married him so that down the road she would have someone to grow old with. She had not had the best of luck with men and I knew that they had always liked each other. Anyway, now, not only will she not have him to grow old with but this challenge has been so very painful for her that I am pretty sure she will never even look for another partner. They were so good together and I feel for them both.

And then, of course this brings me to my children...both adults but still, losing a parent at such a young age (both his and theirs) is hard at the best of times. My son is being all stoic but I'm sure it is going to hit him hard within the next couple of days. He has been travelling in Europe and, when he left, his Dad was doing quite well. He is probably touching down at the airport in Vancouver as I sit typing here and while I would love to see him I'm sure it will be a while before he is able to come and visit with his Mom.

My daughter is still throwing lots of anger out and I had to let her know that not only do I feel for her as her Mother but she could always commiserate with me as I too lost my own mother to cancer at about the same age as she is now. In fact, she was only 7 months old when her grandmother passed away. She was still suckling at my breast until the reality of my mothers passing hit me and then, it hit her, as she could feel all the emotions within me and she chose to push away from the breast. Not unlike what she has been doing for the past few months since learning of her Father's condition. Sad too but then again, there is nothing that I can do for her to alleviate her heavy emotions other than to be available for her when she chooses to reach out to me once again. And I am o.k. with that finally. It can be so hard when those we love are hurting. We want, or at least I should say I want to be able to help but there is nothing I can do if the help that I am offering is refused. Such a hard time she is going through.


There is more sadness that I could share here but what is the point. At the end of the day, I am doing fine and feeling very positive about the choices that I have made for the next part of my own particular journey.


And YOU? Is your journey moving you in the direction that you are wanting to move towards? I sincerely hope so for it is the forward motion that takes us from here to there.....in each moment.


And with that I will sign off here. See you soon.