So I bit the bullet last night and took a sleeping pill........argh. It just does not feel right to be doing that but there are times, like yesterday, when I am just so tired that I can't think straight. You would think that when you are THAT tired that it would be easy to just crash but alas, that is not the case. I guess this is what insomnia is all about. I can go to sleep easily when it is time for bed but I start to wake up a couple of hours later and it just continues on until I just give in and get up. But today, I am bright eyed and perky so woo hoo.
Heading to the Doctor's today though to see about something - ANYTHING - that might help my situation. A couple of other things to address too but I know that a lot of what is going on is because of the sleep deprivation and the ensuing stress that that entails. YIKES........this aging process can be a pain in the butt, among other things.
My gig at the fitness centre is fun though and I am enjoying my time there. Could use a few more hours a week but for the moment it works just fine. A good friend of mine is also now working there and on Saturday we are in control of the place. God/Goddess -- help them all. We want to use our own music and trust me, it is not like the old 80's aerobic tunes that they play ad nauseum all day long. Not that that is so bad but what about throwing in some African based fusion stuff and a little Brazilian/Caribbean funk to get those hips moving. My friend is also into Kundalini dance so THOSE tunes should shift the energy somewhat....what do you think? GRIN............ She is suggesting that we buy matching outfits and do our little routines in the middle of the circuit. I can see it now. The place is certainly not going to be the same.
Anyway, off to spread a little joy and sunshine around the neighbourhood.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Breathing and sleep deprivation
I don't know if I have talked about my lack of sleep for the past couple of years but it is really starting to get to me. If I manage to sleep for a whole 4 hours in a row I consider myself quite lucky. However that does not happen very often. Take last night for instance.
I found myself exhausted by 10:30 p.m. so hit the sack. Zonked out really quickly and then woke up at 12:50 a.m. Really fuzzy of course at that time so just rolled over and tried to get back to sleep. Drifted in and out of sleep zone until a little after 4:00 a.m. and then just tossed and turned. Got up a little after 6:00 a.m., did my email thing and then tried to go back to sleep or at least tried to meditate at around 7:30 but nothing. And now on the radio, they are interviewing an "expert" on sleep. I guess it is not just me.
It is starting to scare me though because lately I have been having trouble breathing.......sort of a stressful gasping for air, you know, taking a deep DEEP breath as I try to calm myself down. It always settles down as the day progresses but this is not a good thing. Just made an appointment with the doctor to see about doing something about it. She gave me a big bottle of sleeping pills last year and, I don't about you, but to be taking sleeping pills on a daily basis just doesn't seem like the way to go. I know I should find another doctor but it is really hard in the city to find a GOOD doctor who is taking on new patients. I do take one of them every so often and I do sleep great but if I take one the next night too, with the hopes of getting 2 good nights sleep in a row, it acts in the opposite way and I don't get ANY sleep at all. Frustrations abound.
Anyway, off to finalize the income tax thing. By the way, it is not my fault that it is the 2nd to the last day to get my forms in. The guy that usually does my income tax prep fell behind and just called me on Sunday to say it is finally ready. I got the stuff in to him over a month ago but I am assuming that he had others that were more important or harder to handle than mine. Whatever it is, at least I don't owe anything to anybody and that should be a plus point for me.
Not much of note to talk about today. Just trying to manage to get from here to there with the least amount of stress.
I found myself exhausted by 10:30 p.m. so hit the sack. Zonked out really quickly and then woke up at 12:50 a.m. Really fuzzy of course at that time so just rolled over and tried to get back to sleep. Drifted in and out of sleep zone until a little after 4:00 a.m. and then just tossed and turned. Got up a little after 6:00 a.m., did my email thing and then tried to go back to sleep or at least tried to meditate at around 7:30 but nothing. And now on the radio, they are interviewing an "expert" on sleep. I guess it is not just me.
It is starting to scare me though because lately I have been having trouble breathing.......sort of a stressful gasping for air, you know, taking a deep DEEP breath as I try to calm myself down. It always settles down as the day progresses but this is not a good thing. Just made an appointment with the doctor to see about doing something about it. She gave me a big bottle of sleeping pills last year and, I don't about you, but to be taking sleeping pills on a daily basis just doesn't seem like the way to go. I know I should find another doctor but it is really hard in the city to find a GOOD doctor who is taking on new patients. I do take one of them every so often and I do sleep great but if I take one the next night too, with the hopes of getting 2 good nights sleep in a row, it acts in the opposite way and I don't get ANY sleep at all. Frustrations abound.
Anyway, off to finalize the income tax thing. By the way, it is not my fault that it is the 2nd to the last day to get my forms in. The guy that usually does my income tax prep fell behind and just called me on Sunday to say it is finally ready. I got the stuff in to him over a month ago but I am assuming that he had others that were more important or harder to handle than mine. Whatever it is, at least I don't owe anything to anybody and that should be a plus point for me.
Not much of note to talk about today. Just trying to manage to get from here to there with the least amount of stress.
Monday, April 28, 2008
blogs of note and breathing from moment to moment
Whenever I sign in to my blog, there is this little sign about "blogs of note" so I thought I'd check out what noteworthy things OTHER blogs were saying and to be perfectly honest, it was not all that noteworthy. I did chuckle at a couple of old postings from this person but I wonder, who is it that decides which blogs are noteworthy or not.
I mean I know that there are a lot of times - like this -when I am simply babbling about some little thing but there are times when I do feel that I have something to say. Of course,what feels noteworthy to me may not be noteworthy to you but at the end of the day, all of these blogs are really only one person sharing their thoughts and musings for others to peruse....or at least I think that is what this is all about. Or is it?
Perhaps there is some higher power guiding all of us that choose to share their thoughts with others - many others actually who we will probably never meet but for some time, we are conecting as you read these words that spring forth from me. I have a website and I used to put a lot of items up on it but when I changed computers I have yet to figure out how to go in and add or delete things. My computer gurette is going through her own stuff and when we are together, there are more things that we are wanting to do than sit here and figure out what is going on. Anyway, with my blog it is so easy that even I can do it....daily... and nothing ever changes.
I started this blog as a means for me to easily write daily and I have been much better at it of late but then again, I have a lot of free time so I don't really have any excuses for not posting. On days that I am feeling "blue" or "low" I do tend to shy away from sharing all my angst with you all but then again, if I can think of it as a "therapeutic" tool, it would be to my best interest to do so daily now wouldn't it?
I am really excited about this coming weekend. I have become really good friends with a man who connected with me through my website close to 2 years ago who lives back East. We have always talked about getting together but that would have entailed either myself travelling back there, which I don't have a great urge to do, or, him coming out my way. Well, I connected him with another gentleman from Vancouver with whom I thought he could forge a possible business partnership and voila!! he will be here this weekend so we finally get to meet face to face.
Garth has become someone that I can share so much of my life with and he has been a very steady rock for me this past few years as I have been going through my challenges with that other man. He is a solid guy with lots of insight into the ways of humans and to be finally meeting him for dinner on my home turf is such a gift.
Other than that not much going on with me but feeling good about this coming week and attempting to stay in the now moment............just gotta breathe in and breathe out.......and continue to do so.
Blessings
I mean I know that there are a lot of times - like this -when I am simply babbling about some little thing but there are times when I do feel that I have something to say. Of course,what feels noteworthy to me may not be noteworthy to you but at the end of the day, all of these blogs are really only one person sharing their thoughts and musings for others to peruse....or at least I think that is what this is all about. Or is it?
Perhaps there is some higher power guiding all of us that choose to share their thoughts with others - many others actually who we will probably never meet but for some time, we are conecting as you read these words that spring forth from me. I have a website and I used to put a lot of items up on it but when I changed computers I have yet to figure out how to go in and add or delete things. My computer gurette is going through her own stuff and when we are together, there are more things that we are wanting to do than sit here and figure out what is going on. Anyway, with my blog it is so easy that even I can do it....daily... and nothing ever changes.
I started this blog as a means for me to easily write daily and I have been much better at it of late but then again, I have a lot of free time so I don't really have any excuses for not posting. On days that I am feeling "blue" or "low" I do tend to shy away from sharing all my angst with you all but then again, if I can think of it as a "therapeutic" tool, it would be to my best interest to do so daily now wouldn't it?
I am really excited about this coming weekend. I have become really good friends with a man who connected with me through my website close to 2 years ago who lives back East. We have always talked about getting together but that would have entailed either myself travelling back there, which I don't have a great urge to do, or, him coming out my way. Well, I connected him with another gentleman from Vancouver with whom I thought he could forge a possible business partnership and voila!! he will be here this weekend so we finally get to meet face to face.
Garth has become someone that I can share so much of my life with and he has been a very steady rock for me this past few years as I have been going through my challenges with that other man. He is a solid guy with lots of insight into the ways of humans and to be finally meeting him for dinner on my home turf is such a gift.
Other than that not much going on with me but feeling good about this coming week and attempting to stay in the now moment............just gotta breathe in and breathe out.......and continue to do so.
Blessings
Sunday, April 27, 2008
having plans vs allowing
Remember yesterday I spoke about no plans for the weekend and how I was all right with that for the first time ever. Well, I had had one small thing planned for yesterday afternoon...a walk with that new Soul that I met the other day. Well, that walk turned into a stroll along the beach and then around a cool neighbourhood looking at all the wonderful and diverse architecture that is so prolific down there. Then went for a glass of wine and listened to some great music. AND, yes there is more, he invited to his home for dinner.
He lives in this amazing 106 year old house as community with another 7 people. Wonderful old energy throughout the house and everyone in it resonates with this beautiful loving peaceful energy...........great dinner and conversation. Felt like I had known this person for ever. A new friendship is developing here and I feel blessed. Great conversation, lots of laughs and poof before you knew it, the day had gone and it was dark. I had been up really early however and started to yawn so headed home and to bed.
But I am very aware of the fact that once I let go of HAVING to have set plans the Universe could simply just let it all unfold in divine time and order.
Works for me.....
Blessings to one and all.
He lives in this amazing 106 year old house as community with another 7 people. Wonderful old energy throughout the house and everyone in it resonates with this beautiful loving peaceful energy...........great dinner and conversation. Felt like I had known this person for ever. A new friendship is developing here and I feel blessed. Great conversation, lots of laughs and poof before you knew it, the day had gone and it was dark. I had been up really early however and started to yawn so headed home and to bed.
But I am very aware of the fact that once I let go of HAVING to have set plans the Universe could simply just let it all unfold in divine time and order.
Works for me.....
Blessings to one and all.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Creating Sacred Space.
The weather shifted here today and I got to sit in the sun sipping a coffee AND it was actually warm. I was sitting with this woman that I had had some pretty awful interactions with last year. She has however changed considerably from the person she used to be. Of course, I have changed somewhat too since then but it is quite amazing how she is with me now.
She was the main reason that I stopped going to one of the shops that I used to work out of. For most of the time that I worked out of that store, she simply could not stand me. She made it almost impossible for me to even go IN some days but now, all these months later, she is now welcoming me JUST THE WAY I AM and even hooking me up with people who will be able to assist me. Interesting how things change.
Which brings me to one of the sayings that I am currently looking at daily - not only in the office, but also on the fridge. It says the following...
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.....
I am even going to put that little tidbit on some "play" business cards that I am printing up. Catchy don't you think? I say play because they are not like traditional cards....but then again, neither am I. Traditional that is. These cards all started when a friend said that I should start to promote one of my "talents" that I don't generally talk about. I call it Living Space Energetics. She calls it creating sacred space so that is what I am putting on these new cards.
Now when I say creating sacred space, I had first thought of REAL space. Spaces like your home or your office but after I started to flesh out the cards I realized that I create sacred space with everything that I do. When doing readings, we are creating a sacred space within our mind and heart. When doing energy healings, we are creating a sacred space within the physical body which in turn translates to all the energy bodies. When rearranging someones home (which I love to do by the way) I am turning their living space into a sacred space within which they can now live in harmony. It is a very important part of all the work that I do do.
This friend asked me last night if I remembered the first time I met her. And I do. I was holding a workshop called Creating Sacred Space. She was one of the participants and a fast friendship was formed. We are moving through a lot of the same dynamics in our personal journeys and while she originally came to me to assist HER in some of her challenges, we now assist each other usually by just being very open and in each others faces. It works for us. We know that we must have been together many times in the past and while we are many years apart in age, there is this wonderful kindred spirit that keeps us grounded and on track......well, sort of on track.
And in a completely topic, I am noticing that I am nowhere near as stressed when the weekends come now. I used to get so upset if there were no concrete plans set.......almost panicked at the prospect of being completely on my own for days on end. But here it is again....a weekend and nothing in sight and no definite plans BUT today, I have just accepted it as it is and will be spending it with me. Working on my own stuff instead of running around filling up my space....and not usually with very sacred things.
For this evening however, I am going to spend time with me in MY own sacred space because as I sit here in this space that I have created for me, it is feeling very special and all me. And that is not all that bad.
Have a wonderful evening doing whatever it is that you are choosing to do.
She was the main reason that I stopped going to one of the shops that I used to work out of. For most of the time that I worked out of that store, she simply could not stand me. She made it almost impossible for me to even go IN some days but now, all these months later, she is now welcoming me JUST THE WAY I AM and even hooking me up with people who will be able to assist me. Interesting how things change.
Which brings me to one of the sayings that I am currently looking at daily - not only in the office, but also on the fridge. It says the following...
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.....
I am even going to put that little tidbit on some "play" business cards that I am printing up. Catchy don't you think? I say play because they are not like traditional cards....but then again, neither am I. Traditional that is. These cards all started when a friend said that I should start to promote one of my "talents" that I don't generally talk about. I call it Living Space Energetics. She calls it creating sacred space so that is what I am putting on these new cards.
Now when I say creating sacred space, I had first thought of REAL space. Spaces like your home or your office but after I started to flesh out the cards I realized that I create sacred space with everything that I do. When doing readings, we are creating a sacred space within our mind and heart. When doing energy healings, we are creating a sacred space within the physical body which in turn translates to all the energy bodies. When rearranging someones home (which I love to do by the way) I am turning their living space into a sacred space within which they can now live in harmony. It is a very important part of all the work that I do do.
This friend asked me last night if I remembered the first time I met her. And I do. I was holding a workshop called Creating Sacred Space. She was one of the participants and a fast friendship was formed. We are moving through a lot of the same dynamics in our personal journeys and while she originally came to me to assist HER in some of her challenges, we now assist each other usually by just being very open and in each others faces. It works for us. We know that we must have been together many times in the past and while we are many years apart in age, there is this wonderful kindred spirit that keeps us grounded and on track......well, sort of on track.
And in a completely topic, I am noticing that I am nowhere near as stressed when the weekends come now. I used to get so upset if there were no concrete plans set.......almost panicked at the prospect of being completely on my own for days on end. But here it is again....a weekend and nothing in sight and no definite plans BUT today, I have just accepted it as it is and will be spending it with me. Working on my own stuff instead of running around filling up my space....and not usually with very sacred things.
For this evening however, I am going to spend time with me in MY own sacred space because as I sit here in this space that I have created for me, it is feeling very special and all me. And that is not all that bad.
Have a wonderful evening doing whatever it is that you are choosing to do.
Changes are afoot
I am trying out something here that many others on the internet have been working with for ever.....google ads. I still don't know exactly how they work but if you see something that calls to you, feel free to click on the link. It is my impression that somehow, through the clicking on these links, I will magically make some $$$$$. That would be cool. Click Click Click........woo hoo.
Had a much better day yesterday and I have to pay attention to that. I have days when I feel so very low and then, as if by magic, it seems I will wake up and POOF, I am fine again. I know many others who seem to be doing the up and down emotional swing lately as well so at least I know it is not just me. But for the love of the Goddess.............it would sure be nice to be able to wake up each morning feeling in control and in love with the process.....and ME to boot...
I am quite excited about a new prospect that has developed in my little neighbourhood. A beautiful little store The Pagoda....plug plug.....will soon be opening another larger location down the road. They will have room for readers so another location for me to offer my Soul Essence Readings will soon be a reality. I must admit that I have missed going to locations outside of my home to offer my work. I thought I would not be doing this again but I miss it and have to admit that it feels good to connect with others that I would not normally meet. And having it in my neighbourhood feels like a blessing.
Not much to say right now but I have a feeling that later today I'll be back posting something of note.
Have a wonderful start to your day.
Had a much better day yesterday and I have to pay attention to that. I have days when I feel so very low and then, as if by magic, it seems I will wake up and POOF, I am fine again. I know many others who seem to be doing the up and down emotional swing lately as well so at least I know it is not just me. But for the love of the Goddess.............it would sure be nice to be able to wake up each morning feeling in control and in love with the process.....and ME to boot...
I am quite excited about a new prospect that has developed in my little neighbourhood. A beautiful little store The Pagoda....plug plug.....will soon be opening another larger location down the road. They will have room for readers so another location for me to offer my Soul Essence Readings will soon be a reality. I must admit that I have missed going to locations outside of my home to offer my work. I thought I would not be doing this again but I miss it and have to admit that it feels good to connect with others that I would not normally meet. And having it in my neighbourhood feels like a blessing.
Not much to say right now but I have a feeling that later today I'll be back posting something of note.
Have a wonderful start to your day.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Thursday update
I'll make this quick as I see that the site is going to close in about 10 minutes for maintenance.
Woke up feeling much more in alignment with me. And the day has continued in a wonderful synchronistic way ever since. Met a wonderful kindred spirit today as I was waiting to connect with his business partner. Love it when those sort of things happen. I had called ahead but when I arrived, the Soul I was going to see happened to be in a meeting. Ended up talking with this wonderful Spirit and turns out it was him I was supposed to meet, on a Universal level.
Then had a quick meeting with the original target (that sounds weird) but in the end it was all in perfect divine time and order. You know when you meet a Soul whose essence vibrates in sync with yours........such a wonderful gift.
Anyway, the site is closing down so wanted to get this out there. A much better essence shining out today than yesterday, that's for sure. I was SO tired yesterday. The energies are back though this afternoon and I am sitting here with a smile on.
Blessings to one and all.
Woke up feeling much more in alignment with me. And the day has continued in a wonderful synchronistic way ever since. Met a wonderful kindred spirit today as I was waiting to connect with his business partner. Love it when those sort of things happen. I had called ahead but when I arrived, the Soul I was going to see happened to be in a meeting. Ended up talking with this wonderful Spirit and turns out it was him I was supposed to meet, on a Universal level.
Then had a quick meeting with the original target (that sounds weird) but in the end it was all in perfect divine time and order. You know when you meet a Soul whose essence vibrates in sync with yours........such a wonderful gift.
Anyway, the site is closing down so wanted to get this out there. A much better essence shining out today than yesterday, that's for sure. I was SO tired yesterday. The energies are back though this afternoon and I am sitting here with a smile on.
Blessings to one and all.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
loving and feeling loved
I go to a group every Tuesday. This is a group that is dedicated to helping us all work through our issues from the past so that we can move into our future whole. I realize that that is a very brief summary of what goes on but suffice to say there is some pretty intense work that goes on weekly.
We all gather and chat beforehand, drinking tea and simply connecting. The bell sounds and we all move into the facilitators living room. This is a HUGE living room and sometimes there are upwards of 40 of us gathered, sitting on chairs, couches, the floor, everywhere. It is a very safe place and we are all encouraged to share and assist others during their process. At the beginning of the group we are asked this question - Who wants to work? If you wish to air your challenge at that time, your name goes on the list and the work begins. Last night it was pretty amazing as it was the men who were into it.
Now for those of you who are into personal development or spiritual growth you all know that it is a much higher percentage of women who get into this so to have a group of men sit in a circle full of women and air their hearts and souls is something to behold. Anyway, I have yet to say "Put me in coach" as this is a new group for me. With all that I have been going through this past 6 months or so, I feel like I would just be a blithering idiot so I allow myself to process in silence during these evenings. Last night however, the tears started as soon as the first guy started to do his work. I find that I am able to access some pretty deep wounds myself while listening to others share theirs but last night I had a very big revelation.
One man was talking about how his grandfather died when he was 6. He felt completely lost as his grandfather had been the only person in this young boys life who made feel safe and completely loved. He trusted his grandfather and upon his death, he never got that trust and feeling of love from another Soul. He is now probably in his 50's and grieving very deeply this loss....the loss of love and the sense of safety. The sense that there was someone there who would love him unconditionally and someone that he could trust. And that is what got to me.
I realized that I myself never felt completely and truly loved by anyone. I also realized that with this last man that I involved myself with I let myself open and trust HIM. And here I now am knowing that it was all a game with him. Sure when we were together he was able to pretend to love me but at the end of the day, he just gave me what he knew I wanted in that moment and then when he left, it was all gone. And looking back on my life and the men that I have spent years with (2 marriages and 1 5 year relationship) I never truly felt loved or safe with them. There was always this sense that it was only for a short time and that it would be over.
I didn't feel safe with my father either and now that he is nearing the end of his life, I am feeling more and more anger at this loss of my childhood. Never trusting nor knowing what was going to happen from one day to the next. Which is where I find myself these days too. Not feeling safe and definitely feeling the loss of trust in anyone and anything. It is not a good place to be.
My usual perky self seems to have taken a sabbatical and I find that while I want to be with people, I am standing on the sidelines and watching everything before me almost as if I am not truly present in my life. I have had times in the past when I have felt sad or detached but now it is more fully in my face on a daily basis. I would like to think that this means that I am ready for a breakthrough - sort of like being in the womb and getting ready to emerge as something new and shiny. But I don't know for sure and the feeling that I would rather not be here is getting to be something that I think about a lot more. I am not going to end it all so don't get all concerned but I am feeling rather lost and not quite sure what to do with myself.
There are a lot of different opportunities coming my way but when I am feeling less than my normal self, I find it hard to move forward or prepare for the future. I know that it is important to love ourselves first before anyone else can love us back but at the moment I am feeling less than loving to me. I guess I am not trusting me either which doesn't help matters.
Wow, I sure do sound rather pathetic today don't I? Have to do something about that. Anyway I find that it always feels better letting it out but I sure would love to go for more than a few days in a row when I feel comfortable in my world.
Have a good one everyone out there in cyberspace.
We all gather and chat beforehand, drinking tea and simply connecting. The bell sounds and we all move into the facilitators living room. This is a HUGE living room and sometimes there are upwards of 40 of us gathered, sitting on chairs, couches, the floor, everywhere. It is a very safe place and we are all encouraged to share and assist others during their process. At the beginning of the group we are asked this question - Who wants to work? If you wish to air your challenge at that time, your name goes on the list and the work begins. Last night it was pretty amazing as it was the men who were into it.
Now for those of you who are into personal development or spiritual growth you all know that it is a much higher percentage of women who get into this so to have a group of men sit in a circle full of women and air their hearts and souls is something to behold. Anyway, I have yet to say "Put me in coach" as this is a new group for me. With all that I have been going through this past 6 months or so, I feel like I would just be a blithering idiot so I allow myself to process in silence during these evenings. Last night however, the tears started as soon as the first guy started to do his work. I find that I am able to access some pretty deep wounds myself while listening to others share theirs but last night I had a very big revelation.
One man was talking about how his grandfather died when he was 6. He felt completely lost as his grandfather had been the only person in this young boys life who made feel safe and completely loved. He trusted his grandfather and upon his death, he never got that trust and feeling of love from another Soul. He is now probably in his 50's and grieving very deeply this loss....the loss of love and the sense of safety. The sense that there was someone there who would love him unconditionally and someone that he could trust. And that is what got to me.
I realized that I myself never felt completely and truly loved by anyone. I also realized that with this last man that I involved myself with I let myself open and trust HIM. And here I now am knowing that it was all a game with him. Sure when we were together he was able to pretend to love me but at the end of the day, he just gave me what he knew I wanted in that moment and then when he left, it was all gone. And looking back on my life and the men that I have spent years with (2 marriages and 1 5 year relationship) I never truly felt loved or safe with them. There was always this sense that it was only for a short time and that it would be over.
I didn't feel safe with my father either and now that he is nearing the end of his life, I am feeling more and more anger at this loss of my childhood. Never trusting nor knowing what was going to happen from one day to the next. Which is where I find myself these days too. Not feeling safe and definitely feeling the loss of trust in anyone and anything. It is not a good place to be.
My usual perky self seems to have taken a sabbatical and I find that while I want to be with people, I am standing on the sidelines and watching everything before me almost as if I am not truly present in my life. I have had times in the past when I have felt sad or detached but now it is more fully in my face on a daily basis. I would like to think that this means that I am ready for a breakthrough - sort of like being in the womb and getting ready to emerge as something new and shiny. But I don't know for sure and the feeling that I would rather not be here is getting to be something that I think about a lot more. I am not going to end it all so don't get all concerned but I am feeling rather lost and not quite sure what to do with myself.
There are a lot of different opportunities coming my way but when I am feeling less than my normal self, I find it hard to move forward or prepare for the future. I know that it is important to love ourselves first before anyone else can love us back but at the moment I am feeling less than loving to me. I guess I am not trusting me either which doesn't help matters.
Wow, I sure do sound rather pathetic today don't I? Have to do something about that. Anyway I find that it always feels better letting it out but I sure would love to go for more than a few days in a row when I feel comfortable in my world.
Have a good one everyone out there in cyberspace.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
computer guruette I am NOT.....
Argh.......while I love to write and post here, I thought I should get with the program and start to make some money from this blog........hey, other people do this and do it quite well, I thought, I should get with the program.
So I have registered for Adsense....you know....where there are ads on the sidebar of the site and when people click on them you, from the use of your site....ie this blog....will be compensated for allowing these ads to run. Simple.......right? However, I am just not a techno wiz of any sort and while I think I started to get the whole ball rolling, nothing, and I mean NOTHING is showing up yet. I am saying YET because I just know that there is simply one little switch that I need to flick to get the whole thing started. But where oh where is the switch.
Where is Corinna when I need her?
I'll be back later with an update or perhaps you will actually the results of my trial and errors right here very soon. Please.....very soon.............weak little grin.
So I have registered for Adsense....you know....where there are ads on the sidebar of the site and when people click on them you, from the use of your site....ie this blog....will be compensated for allowing these ads to run. Simple.......right? However, I am just not a techno wiz of any sort and while I think I started to get the whole ball rolling, nothing, and I mean NOTHING is showing up yet. I am saying YET because I just know that there is simply one little switch that I need to flick to get the whole thing started. But where oh where is the switch.
Where is Corinna when I need her?
I'll be back later with an update or perhaps you will actually the results of my trial and errors right here very soon. Please.....very soon.............weak little grin.
good night's sleep and profoundity
I don't even know if "profoundity" is a real work but I had promised that after a good night's sleep I would probably have something profound to share with you all. So now, where on earth is my profound file?
Let's just see where this goes. I did sleep well - perhaps more than well since I didn't even move the entire night. Got up and did a nice long stretch and went "oh oh"......a muscle was screaming at me for attention and then it just went arph.........major owie. What's with this anyway? I finally get to sleep all the through the night, wake up to gorgeous sunshine and then my back decides to complain. It if isn't one thing, it is always something else and that is something I can sink my teeth into. Here we go............
Why is it that so many of us seem to always have something that doesn't feel right...whether it is a pain in the body, a problem with a friend or relative, something not quite right with where we live and on and on and on? Seems that we humans tend to want to find something to complain about or seek it out like we are programmed to have constant problems to face. I sincerely doubt that we are hard wired to be this way. Feeling that there has to be something wrong with life, instead of just accepting things as they are. A friend of mine the other day uttered the following little ditty....
It doesn't matter how many IF'S there are in the world, it only matters what IS.
I found that to be rather profound and as she sat there with this silly grin on her face, I went to make a point of writing that down. For it is so true when we stop to think about.
And what IS is that this is the life we have right here and right now and no matter how many times you utter "If I only had this" or "If I did this" or "If he or she would change", you get the picture......none of it matters one iota, all that matters is that right now is what IS and that is what you have to work with.
So this little twinge in my back will surely be gone in a couple of hours and all that is on my plate today will be attended to to the best of my ability and that will be PERFECT in this now IS moment.
I know that I have been rather stressed.......for most of my life actually even when I thought I wasn't.......so I refuse to use that as an excuse for this current little glitch. Accepting my life as it is right now is not that hard to do when I allow myself to step outside of myself and just be with what is. I have never been one to follow the pack and of course, now that I am no longer in my 20's or 30's or - never mind - I am older so why on earth would I think that I could just stop being me in all my unique glory. I'm not going to and nor should you. Unless of course you are doing something that is harmful to you or others. THAT will never do.
But, if you are simply being your own unique you, embrace her or him and be good with it all. I know that my uniqueness has led me to this moment in time and what IS just simply IS.
What do you think?
Have a wonderful joy filled day and know that you are a blessing to us all.
Namaste
Let's just see where this goes. I did sleep well - perhaps more than well since I didn't even move the entire night. Got up and did a nice long stretch and went "oh oh"......a muscle was screaming at me for attention and then it just went arph.........major owie. What's with this anyway? I finally get to sleep all the through the night, wake up to gorgeous sunshine and then my back decides to complain. It if isn't one thing, it is always something else and that is something I can sink my teeth into. Here we go............
Why is it that so many of us seem to always have something that doesn't feel right...whether it is a pain in the body, a problem with a friend or relative, something not quite right with where we live and on and on and on? Seems that we humans tend to want to find something to complain about or seek it out like we are programmed to have constant problems to face. I sincerely doubt that we are hard wired to be this way. Feeling that there has to be something wrong with life, instead of just accepting things as they are. A friend of mine the other day uttered the following little ditty....
It doesn't matter how many IF'S there are in the world, it only matters what IS.
I found that to be rather profound and as she sat there with this silly grin on her face, I went to make a point of writing that down. For it is so true when we stop to think about.
And what IS is that this is the life we have right here and right now and no matter how many times you utter "If I only had this" or "If I did this" or "If he or she would change", you get the picture......none of it matters one iota, all that matters is that right now is what IS and that is what you have to work with.
So this little twinge in my back will surely be gone in a couple of hours and all that is on my plate today will be attended to to the best of my ability and that will be PERFECT in this now IS moment.
I know that I have been rather stressed.......for most of my life actually even when I thought I wasn't.......so I refuse to use that as an excuse for this current little glitch. Accepting my life as it is right now is not that hard to do when I allow myself to step outside of myself and just be with what is. I have never been one to follow the pack and of course, now that I am no longer in my 20's or 30's or - never mind - I am older so why on earth would I think that I could just stop being me in all my unique glory. I'm not going to and nor should you. Unless of course you are doing something that is harmful to you or others. THAT will never do.
But, if you are simply being your own unique you, embrace her or him and be good with it all. I know that my uniqueness has led me to this moment in time and what IS just simply IS.
What do you think?
Have a wonderful joy filled day and know that you are a blessing to us all.
Namaste
Monday, April 21, 2008
long tired day
I just realized that I never posted today. It seems that my day just flew by but here it is now almost 9:00 p.m. and I am simply tired. Feeling like it is time to head to bed and just got into la la land.
Did another stint at the ladies fitness place and they love me. But then again I had no doubt they would. I mean all I do is walk and dance around the place talking to everyone and entertaining them all. And that is probably one of the reasons that I am so tired. Think about it...I just spent 4 hours on my feet dancing and doing aerobic moves, not to mention working out on a number of different machines. This is after doing my regular routine at my own gym. And I didn't sleep well again last night and have been up since 6:00 a.m. How crazy is this?
Hmmm, gotta look at that. Anyway, I'm sure that after a decent night's sleep I will have something more profound to talk about.
Nighty night.........
Did another stint at the ladies fitness place and they love me. But then again I had no doubt they would. I mean all I do is walk and dance around the place talking to everyone and entertaining them all. And that is probably one of the reasons that I am so tired. Think about it...I just spent 4 hours on my feet dancing and doing aerobic moves, not to mention working out on a number of different machines. This is after doing my regular routine at my own gym. And I didn't sleep well again last night and have been up since 6:00 a.m. How crazy is this?
Hmmm, gotta look at that. Anyway, I'm sure that after a decent night's sleep I will have something more profound to talk about.
Nighty night.........
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Twin Flames and being present
Had a late night phone call which brought me out of a sleep zone that I must have just entered. Upon waking this morning I realized that I must not have come completely awake as I remembered thinking that it was Monday morning. And it certainly was not. It was Saturday night and on reflecting back to the conversation I realized that it was not exactly 'real".
I mean I was there and it was me talking but I was not fully present and that is what this little discourse is all about. Being fully present in every moment.....not back in the past and not flinging ourselves out into the future but remaining aware and "awake" to each and every moment that we inhabit. And I now realize that a lot of my life has been in this "no wake" zone, going through the motions, appearing to be present...but not. I look like I am here and to the casual observer I am, but there is a part of me that is elsewhere. How on earth I have managed to manouever through this jungle that is life in 3d amazes me. And yet, here I am.
I also have come to some pretty clear understandings as to why I keep bringing certain energies into my life and THIS is a huge one. I won't go into all the details here but suffice to say, I understand what it is that I have been unconsciously projecting OUT and now it is time to be conscious so that I am fully and completely aware of what it is that I am sending out into the world.
The work thing seems to be coming into alignment finally and that is a huge thing. All aspects of my creative energies are not being addressed and I will be able to utilize all of them in a myriad of ways and for this I am truly grateful. Opening the floodgates to more good is a wonderful thing and to realize that it has been through my opening and projecting that all of this "good" is coming into my reality at this time.
Now to be able to get clear and aligned with bringing in the people with whom I wish to spend my free time will be a more conscious focus in the days and weeks to come. I'll share a little something here and while I know that it will sound rather hocus pocus to some of you, I know that is played a big part in bringing in "that" man that I am still detaching from......and I have to admit that it is not an easy task. I feel so much love still in my heart and soul for him, regardless of all the hurt that occurred during our time together. I still feel this urge to share all the good that is happening and I know why this is happening. Boy oh boy, the things that we do to ourselves in this journey. Anyway, I digress.
Back a couple of years ago (actually more now that I think about it) I decided that I would do a ritual to bring in my Twin Flame....that divine partnership that would align me and him with our higher purpose. It was a powerful ritual and I am NOT one to do this sort of thing so it was a new experience for me. Anyway, the next day I looked at myself in the mirror and affirmed that I was now ready for him to come to me and POOF...........this amazing energy flowed to and through my body and I heard him say "I'm coming". That was it. Nothing else and I burst into tears. Shaking myself out of this energy, I just thought "oh oh.......something just happened".
A couple of weeks later I met "him" and that same energy that I had felt the morning after the ritual ran between the two of us. He was blown away and when I explained what I had done, he went "cool" and hence our relationship started. Now this is where it gets dicey.
You see, when two people come together in a divine partnership, they both have to be in alignment with their own soul's purpose and be ready to embrace this unique relationship. If both parties are in alignment, their union can be one of immense love and will be the catalyst for a beautiful LIGHT to shine and assist many many others. If, however, they are NOT fully aligned it can be the catalyst for a very serious FIRE to blaze through their lives causing them to go out in a blazing crash and burn type of fire. And that is what almost happened.
We were not good for each other because we both had different realities that we were working on. I, as most of you know, work as a healer and intuitive and have only the best interests of everyone as the basis for all that I do. He, on the other hand, is not in the same head nor heart space. I am not going to say he is wrong and I am right but at the end of the day, we will never be in the space that I had envisioned when I did the initial ritual and sent my heartfelt request out into the universe. I am trying to reverse it but there is nothing I can do. We are linked on a Deep Soul level and I jsut have to tap into all the strength that courses through me to be able to move on and perhaps come into alignment with another who IS in the same heart and head space. I have faith but there are times when that faith is rather dim like this morning as I sit here typing away.
But at the end of the day, I do understand that we managed to find each other and both of us did get a lot out of the time that we spent together. He is more than willing to continue on as it has been but I can no longer do so. It is not a place that I can go again and I know this to be true. Sure wish he read this blog but I know that he doesn't. And that is another reason that I know he is not the one for me. If he was aligned with all that I am, he would have an interest in what goes on in my head and heart. Sigh............and on and on and on she goes.
So the sun is attempting to shine and hopefully the snow will stay away today (yes we have had snow this week.....weird). Heading out to have lunch with the kids and my Dad and then facilitating a Full Moon meditation circle here tonight. AND that will be wonderful.
Sending blessings for a joy filled day to each and every one of you.
I mean I was there and it was me talking but I was not fully present and that is what this little discourse is all about. Being fully present in every moment.....not back in the past and not flinging ourselves out into the future but remaining aware and "awake" to each and every moment that we inhabit. And I now realize that a lot of my life has been in this "no wake" zone, going through the motions, appearing to be present...but not. I look like I am here and to the casual observer I am, but there is a part of me that is elsewhere. How on earth I have managed to manouever through this jungle that is life in 3d amazes me. And yet, here I am.
I also have come to some pretty clear understandings as to why I keep bringing certain energies into my life and THIS is a huge one. I won't go into all the details here but suffice to say, I understand what it is that I have been unconsciously projecting OUT and now it is time to be conscious so that I am fully and completely aware of what it is that I am sending out into the world.
The work thing seems to be coming into alignment finally and that is a huge thing. All aspects of my creative energies are not being addressed and I will be able to utilize all of them in a myriad of ways and for this I am truly grateful. Opening the floodgates to more good is a wonderful thing and to realize that it has been through my opening and projecting that all of this "good" is coming into my reality at this time.
Now to be able to get clear and aligned with bringing in the people with whom I wish to spend my free time will be a more conscious focus in the days and weeks to come. I'll share a little something here and while I know that it will sound rather hocus pocus to some of you, I know that is played a big part in bringing in "that" man that I am still detaching from......and I have to admit that it is not an easy task. I feel so much love still in my heart and soul for him, regardless of all the hurt that occurred during our time together. I still feel this urge to share all the good that is happening and I know why this is happening. Boy oh boy, the things that we do to ourselves in this journey. Anyway, I digress.
Back a couple of years ago (actually more now that I think about it) I decided that I would do a ritual to bring in my Twin Flame....that divine partnership that would align me and him with our higher purpose. It was a powerful ritual and I am NOT one to do this sort of thing so it was a new experience for me. Anyway, the next day I looked at myself in the mirror and affirmed that I was now ready for him to come to me and POOF...........this amazing energy flowed to and through my body and I heard him say "I'm coming". That was it. Nothing else and I burst into tears. Shaking myself out of this energy, I just thought "oh oh.......something just happened".
A couple of weeks later I met "him" and that same energy that I had felt the morning after the ritual ran between the two of us. He was blown away and when I explained what I had done, he went "cool" and hence our relationship started. Now this is where it gets dicey.
You see, when two people come together in a divine partnership, they both have to be in alignment with their own soul's purpose and be ready to embrace this unique relationship. If both parties are in alignment, their union can be one of immense love and will be the catalyst for a beautiful LIGHT to shine and assist many many others. If, however, they are NOT fully aligned it can be the catalyst for a very serious FIRE to blaze through their lives causing them to go out in a blazing crash and burn type of fire. And that is what almost happened.
We were not good for each other because we both had different realities that we were working on. I, as most of you know, work as a healer and intuitive and have only the best interests of everyone as the basis for all that I do. He, on the other hand, is not in the same head nor heart space. I am not going to say he is wrong and I am right but at the end of the day, we will never be in the space that I had envisioned when I did the initial ritual and sent my heartfelt request out into the universe. I am trying to reverse it but there is nothing I can do. We are linked on a Deep Soul level and I jsut have to tap into all the strength that courses through me to be able to move on and perhaps come into alignment with another who IS in the same heart and head space. I have faith but there are times when that faith is rather dim like this morning as I sit here typing away.
But at the end of the day, I do understand that we managed to find each other and both of us did get a lot out of the time that we spent together. He is more than willing to continue on as it has been but I can no longer do so. It is not a place that I can go again and I know this to be true. Sure wish he read this blog but I know that he doesn't. And that is another reason that I know he is not the one for me. If he was aligned with all that I am, he would have an interest in what goes on in my head and heart. Sigh............and on and on and on she goes.
So the sun is attempting to shine and hopefully the snow will stay away today (yes we have had snow this week.....weird). Heading out to have lunch with the kids and my Dad and then facilitating a Full Moon meditation circle here tonight. AND that will be wonderful.
Sending blessings for a joy filled day to each and every one of you.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
early Saturday mornings
So the dancing was fun. I danced for the entire time I was there since we were sitting right at the edge of the dance floor. Great music and the rythyms just kept coming. The friend I went with unfortunately is experiencing pain in her knee so only danced for a short while. I LOVE dancing so it was perfect for me.
It is interesting to note that I basically danced by myself....sure the dance floor was packed but I didn't have a partner is what I meant. And it didn't even bother me. In years past, I would have been bummed out if no one asked me to dance but now, as I am definitely getting older, I just allow it to be perfect. I like to dance and I know that I do not need to have a partner to do so. Just like everything else in my life.
I am missing "that" man though even though he really wasn't here even was he was......strange. Still find myself thinking of him and wanting to pick up the phone but Spirit grabs me by the throat, head and heart and gently talks me down.........smile. So at the end of the day, is it me that really wants a partner in my life or is it just that I was used to it.
I was watching couples dancing last night and thinking "I want a guy that wants to dance with me like that one, or that one over there" but I didn't get all depressed about it which was the emotion that used to come to mind. I just thought "whatever"... I can dance by myself and be good with that.
Plus I realized that had I had a guy in my life this past week, would I have accomplished all that I did, manifest all that I have..........I don't know but I do know that without the distraction I have been focussing more on my creative and business life. So that must be a good thing.
Anyway, up early as today is my first REAL day at the fitness facility. Get to move to more music all morning so that is a good thing. A friend of mine asked me if the music blaring at this spot would bug me and I looked at her like she was crazy. "Hey, this is me. I love music and dancing so it is a perfect fit". And I think I'll just go with that thought.
Today is a perfect day for me to be me and that must be good.
Blessings and joyful thoughts to you all.
It is interesting to note that I basically danced by myself....sure the dance floor was packed but I didn't have a partner is what I meant. And it didn't even bother me. In years past, I would have been bummed out if no one asked me to dance but now, as I am definitely getting older, I just allow it to be perfect. I like to dance and I know that I do not need to have a partner to do so. Just like everything else in my life.
I am missing "that" man though even though he really wasn't here even was he was......strange. Still find myself thinking of him and wanting to pick up the phone but Spirit grabs me by the throat, head and heart and gently talks me down.........smile. So at the end of the day, is it me that really wants a partner in my life or is it just that I was used to it.
I was watching couples dancing last night and thinking "I want a guy that wants to dance with me like that one, or that one over there" but I didn't get all depressed about it which was the emotion that used to come to mind. I just thought "whatever"... I can dance by myself and be good with that.
Plus I realized that had I had a guy in my life this past week, would I have accomplished all that I did, manifest all that I have..........I don't know but I do know that without the distraction I have been focussing more on my creative and business life. So that must be a good thing.
Anyway, up early as today is my first REAL day at the fitness facility. Get to move to more music all morning so that is a good thing. A friend of mine asked me if the music blaring at this spot would bug me and I looked at her like she was crazy. "Hey, this is me. I love music and dancing so it is a perfect fit". And I think I'll just go with that thought.
Today is a perfect day for me to be me and that must be good.
Blessings and joyful thoughts to you all.
Friday, April 18, 2008
It's been quite a week
It amazes me how life can change so much in one short week. The various work opportunities that have come to me are pretty amazing. I spoke about the Spa again today but with a different person who is responsible for the location that is currently in need of my services. This will be fun. Very upscale as it is a Fairmont Hotel located at the airport so LOTS of different people coming and going. Should be interesting.
Also connected with another person who is wanting me to do readings out of a new location 3 blocks from my home. Not up and running yet but the powers that be approached me so that is another venture soon to be added to my plate. Got listed on a new website too that is dedicated to Metaphysical and Healing ventures......brand new so we will see what happens there.
And the networking thing allowed me to connect two different people - one from Vancouver and the other from Toronto - who both have something to enhance the lives and businesses of each other. Plus because I put them together, they both emailed me and want to figure out a "finders fee" to give me....both ends of this one. Do you think I tapped into the flow here or what?
Feels very good.
It is interesting to note that all of what is happening is exactly what I had always thought would be a good thing for me.........work wise that is. Not stuck in just one venue behind doors but working with a lot of different energies tapping into all that I am capable of. Now that I got clear and released a lot of that holding energy that was keeping me stuck, it is now able to flow. What I put out there is able to come to me now that I am open to receive. The Law of Attraction at work. I had been 'wanting" to do all that I will now be doing but because I was so caught up in negative situations in my life, there was no room for it to materialize within.
So to recap......doing my healing sessions out of an upscale Spa, doing readings out a brand new location 3 blocks from home, being a fitness coach for a ladies only training facility all on part time basis leaving me able to do my own thing at home, network for others and write. I just realized that there is not going to be that much time left for me actually but it is all good because I'll be doing all the things that I love. Talk about filling up my days but I am ready now and obviously the universe noticed that.
It is funny but people say "wow...all this stuff happened within the space of 5 days" but when you think about it, I have been putting this out there, but not seriously enough, for years. Needed to be clear and ready to move into my potential and once I was, the floodgates opened.
AND AND, I almost forgot...I also have a whole whack of people registered for my Full Moon meditation circle for this coming Sunday.
As I write all of this I realize that there is still this part of me that feels like I am not doing enough. Old programming there for sure. Time to take a deep breath and relax. Everything is working just fine thank you very much and I need to give myself a pat on the back and say "Way to go Katrice". Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out. THERE! That's better.
Just came back from a lovely afternoon with my daughter. Had a great lunch complete with drinks. Both of us got slightly stupid and giggly..........lots of fun. Wandered in and out of stores and just enjoyed each others company. I had thought that I was going to talk to her about some of our issues with the mother/daughter dynamic but it appears that there is nothing that needs to be said. We seem to have come into alignment energy wise. No holding back from the other and very free flowing which is not how it has been for the past few years. Ahhhhhhh, forward movement at its finest.
So now it is Friday night and lots of possible events to partake of. Had thought I was going to be going out on a ..... gasp ..... date but it has not materialized so am now going to go dance to some World/African/Fusion music with some girl friends. THAT will be the best way to bring an end to a fabulous week.
Wishing you joyful abundance on all levels as you head into your own weekend.
Peace and Blessings
Also connected with another person who is wanting me to do readings out of a new location 3 blocks from my home. Not up and running yet but the powers that be approached me so that is another venture soon to be added to my plate. Got listed on a new website too that is dedicated to Metaphysical and Healing ventures......brand new so we will see what happens there.
And the networking thing allowed me to connect two different people - one from Vancouver and the other from Toronto - who both have something to enhance the lives and businesses of each other. Plus because I put them together, they both emailed me and want to figure out a "finders fee" to give me....both ends of this one. Do you think I tapped into the flow here or what?
Feels very good.
It is interesting to note that all of what is happening is exactly what I had always thought would be a good thing for me.........work wise that is. Not stuck in just one venue behind doors but working with a lot of different energies tapping into all that I am capable of. Now that I got clear and released a lot of that holding energy that was keeping me stuck, it is now able to flow. What I put out there is able to come to me now that I am open to receive. The Law of Attraction at work. I had been 'wanting" to do all that I will now be doing but because I was so caught up in negative situations in my life, there was no room for it to materialize within.
So to recap......doing my healing sessions out of an upscale Spa, doing readings out a brand new location 3 blocks from home, being a fitness coach for a ladies only training facility all on part time basis leaving me able to do my own thing at home, network for others and write. I just realized that there is not going to be that much time left for me actually but it is all good because I'll be doing all the things that I love. Talk about filling up my days but I am ready now and obviously the universe noticed that.
It is funny but people say "wow...all this stuff happened within the space of 5 days" but when you think about it, I have been putting this out there, but not seriously enough, for years. Needed to be clear and ready to move into my potential and once I was, the floodgates opened.
AND AND, I almost forgot...I also have a whole whack of people registered for my Full Moon meditation circle for this coming Sunday.
As I write all of this I realize that there is still this part of me that feels like I am not doing enough. Old programming there for sure. Time to take a deep breath and relax. Everything is working just fine thank you very much and I need to give myself a pat on the back and say "Way to go Katrice". Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out. THERE! That's better.
Just came back from a lovely afternoon with my daughter. Had a great lunch complete with drinks. Both of us got slightly stupid and giggly..........lots of fun. Wandered in and out of stores and just enjoyed each others company. I had thought that I was going to talk to her about some of our issues with the mother/daughter dynamic but it appears that there is nothing that needs to be said. We seem to have come into alignment energy wise. No holding back from the other and very free flowing which is not how it has been for the past few years. Ahhhhhhh, forward movement at its finest.
So now it is Friday night and lots of possible events to partake of. Had thought I was going to be going out on a ..... gasp ..... date but it has not materialized so am now going to go dance to some World/African/Fusion music with some girl friends. THAT will be the best way to bring an end to a fabulous week.
Wishing you joyful abundance on all levels as you head into your own weekend.
Peace and Blessings
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
not exactly holding patterns
Have had another very busy day. The networking thing seems to be kicking back into my life and when that happens, I KNOW for sure that I am back in the flow.
This week has been such an amazing experience. Started out with next to nothing on my plate and am now juggling things. The days have been busy and productive and I am feeling very much in control of myself once more. WOO HOO and YIPPEE and all those other words that denote happiness and joy.
I'm not anxious any more about what is next as I have tapped into my own creative flow and know that all is moving along in the perfect and divine time for me. It's been a while. Am seeing the same thing happening in the lives of those around me too.
And now it appears that both of the places that I wanted to work with have now chosen to have me at their locations part time. One is working as a Fitness Coach at a Ladies only Circuit training facility and the other is with a beautiful Spa as a Body Worker. How great is this? Now of course to be able to juggle them both. The way things are going though I know that the days or evenings that the Spa wants my services will be in sync with the days at the circuit training facility. And I can still do my own stuff and write. Hmmmmmm, methinks I am going to be a lot busier in the days to come but that is good.
Just came back from a little training stint at the circuit training place and it feels like a natural fit for me. The powers that be however are rather scattered so I know that that is one of the reasons that the Universe threw this one at me. But the members are nice and I get to dance around for a few hours which suits me just fine.
Heading out for another meeting with someone who is organizing "Psychic Fairs" in my favourite little hotel down the street so something else to sink my teeth into. I just realized that I am going to be doing the exercise thing, the energy work thing AND the Psychic thing but all in different locations. Lots of opportunities to meet new clients for my own work. I knew that the idea of getting a REAL job was insane but I guess I just needed to put it out there that I am ready to get serious with the rest of it for everything to come together.
So the sun is shining. I have lots of different venues to go and spend time at AND I still have time for me.
It's a very good day.
Wishing you all a day of infinite joy and abundance and FUN FUN FUN
This week has been such an amazing experience. Started out with next to nothing on my plate and am now juggling things. The days have been busy and productive and I am feeling very much in control of myself once more. WOO HOO and YIPPEE and all those other words that denote happiness and joy.
I'm not anxious any more about what is next as I have tapped into my own creative flow and know that all is moving along in the perfect and divine time for me. It's been a while. Am seeing the same thing happening in the lives of those around me too.
And now it appears that both of the places that I wanted to work with have now chosen to have me at their locations part time. One is working as a Fitness Coach at a Ladies only Circuit training facility and the other is with a beautiful Spa as a Body Worker. How great is this? Now of course to be able to juggle them both. The way things are going though I know that the days or evenings that the Spa wants my services will be in sync with the days at the circuit training facility. And I can still do my own stuff and write. Hmmmmmm, methinks I am going to be a lot busier in the days to come but that is good.
Just came back from a little training stint at the circuit training place and it feels like a natural fit for me. The powers that be however are rather scattered so I know that that is one of the reasons that the Universe threw this one at me. But the members are nice and I get to dance around for a few hours which suits me just fine.
Heading out for another meeting with someone who is organizing "Psychic Fairs" in my favourite little hotel down the street so something else to sink my teeth into. I just realized that I am going to be doing the exercise thing, the energy work thing AND the Psychic thing but all in different locations. Lots of opportunities to meet new clients for my own work. I knew that the idea of getting a REAL job was insane but I guess I just needed to put it out there that I am ready to get serious with the rest of it for everything to come together.
So the sun is shining. I have lots of different venues to go and spend time at AND I still have time for me.
It's a very good day.
Wishing you all a day of infinite joy and abundance and FUN FUN FUN
moving right along
I'll post more later but I was offered the job that I went to interview for last night. Not a lot of hours but the very real possibility of being the Manager of this little circuit training spa for Women. Had another interview last Friday for a position that I REALLY want and just shot off an email to the powers that be for that one and am now in a holding position.
More later................
More later................
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
getting into the flow
WOW has today been a strange one. Started out feeling VERY VERY blah. Only slept a few hours and felt quite at odds with myself. Went to the gym though as it seems to be the one part of my day that is a regular these days. At least it is a good regular thing...... I'm always amazed that I can go to the gym with such little sleep and not be nodding out before 9 p.m. or something. I still go to bed at 11'ish so I guess I should probably just accept that I don't need all the sleep that I feel I do...need that is.
Came home and thought to myself, now what am I going to do for the day. Went on line and thought I'd see if the perfect job surfaced for me on good old Craigs List.....smile.
And as luck would have it, there was an ad for a little part time job doing something that I already know how to do, something that is fun AND a perfect place for me to attract new clients to my REAL work. So off went a little letter from moi with my resume and I jumped in the shower. Still feeling rather blah and discouraged but planning the rest of my day and slowly coming into a more aware place.
About half an hour later the phone rings and it is the place that I sent off the little letter to and SHAZZAM I am going to meet with these people later this evening. So armed with a smile and feeling a tad better I headed out to do some errands - inwardly dreading the traffic. But no traffic. It was amazing.
Every way I turned the cars moved out of my way, the lights were always green, there was always a parking spot right where I needed it and on and on. Since I seemed to be in the flow of things for the first time in a while, I headed over to get the car washed. And then I really started to pay attention. It was almost surreal for about 15 minutes. Here's what happened?
I mean the sun was shining and it was the middle of the day. But as I pulled into the car wash place, both of the lanes were clear. Not one other person there. That has never happened. So I go inside to await the arrival of my clean car and start up a conversation with this woman who is also stunned at how she too got in with no one else in line. One thing leads to another and we figure out that we both went to the same high school at the same time AND remember this one really weird kid from Home Ec. class.........That sort of thing never happens to me either. I'm not one to run into people from the past. BUT this one I was definitely supposed to meet.
She lives about 1 1/2 hours out of town and we both just happened to be somewhere neither of us usually are AND, yes there is more. She does the same "work " that I do and before you know it I am now invited to her cottage at Cultas Lake. For those of you who live in the Lower Mainland you know what I am referring to. For everyone else however, Cultas Lake is this beautiful little lake about 1 1/2 hours out of the main city with very few people who live there full time but this woman does. She immediately started talking about me coming out there and sharing my work in a circle, perhaps do some classes or workshops AND she says to bring my overnight bag and we will see what occurs.....see Katrice with a little eyebrow lift.....Phew...
All of this occurred before 1:30 this afternoon so it has been a productive day already.
I am now going to put together a flyer to bring my "doggy healing/relaxation" sessions to the world. No really - I do do that too. There are a lot of neurotic dogs in the big city. Little yappy things that people carry around in shoulder bags and such. What's with that? I mean aren't dogs supposed to walk around on their legs? I'll save this little subject for another time - could be a great comedy routine actually but I digress...
There is this "Doggy Deli" around the corner from my place and I asked her if I could post a flyer in her store and she said sure. Perfect place to get those clients from too. Perhaps I'll offer a free day out of her shop of sample doggy relaxation healing sessions or something like that. Anyway, good to have the thinking cap back on.
That ridiculous notion that I could somehow simply morph back into what I used to be and do after almost 20 years was silly. I mean I could have done it but why would I when I have work to do of a much higher nature. And I know you are probably going "how can being a doggy healer be of a higher nature" but why shouldn't our little four legged friends receive love and light from the Universe too. Someone has to do it. Why not me? They seem to enjoy it. Their "parents" get a much more well mannered/tempered dog and I receive monetary compensation for the sharing of this special gift I have.
Going over to my regular Tuesday night gathering later. I haven't been a part of a circle for a very long time...or at least one that I feel compelled to attend each week. I am getting a lot out of this work that I am learning to do with these people. I will be assisting at the next workshop which is only 2 weeks away. And that is another thing come to think of it!!!
I chose to take a really expensive workshop with someone and I NEVER do that but something inside me said "you need to do this work". Now, less than 2 months later, she has asked to help facilitate these workshops. Feels like it is going to be a huge asset to the work that I already do which is probably why things have slowed down for me. Time to recharge the batteries after such a long time giving, giving, giving. I'm filling up the well so that I can move back out into the world as a whole and fulfilled Soul.
In this NOW moment, I am in the perfect place. I know this to be true.
Blessings to you. May your day be filled with joyful abundance.
Came home and thought to myself, now what am I going to do for the day. Went on line and thought I'd see if the perfect job surfaced for me on good old Craigs List.....smile.
And as luck would have it, there was an ad for a little part time job doing something that I already know how to do, something that is fun AND a perfect place for me to attract new clients to my REAL work. So off went a little letter from moi with my resume and I jumped in the shower. Still feeling rather blah and discouraged but planning the rest of my day and slowly coming into a more aware place.
About half an hour later the phone rings and it is the place that I sent off the little letter to and SHAZZAM I am going to meet with these people later this evening. So armed with a smile and feeling a tad better I headed out to do some errands - inwardly dreading the traffic. But no traffic. It was amazing.
Every way I turned the cars moved out of my way, the lights were always green, there was always a parking spot right where I needed it and on and on. Since I seemed to be in the flow of things for the first time in a while, I headed over to get the car washed. And then I really started to pay attention. It was almost surreal for about 15 minutes. Here's what happened?
I mean the sun was shining and it was the middle of the day. But as I pulled into the car wash place, both of the lanes were clear. Not one other person there. That has never happened. So I go inside to await the arrival of my clean car and start up a conversation with this woman who is also stunned at how she too got in with no one else in line. One thing leads to another and we figure out that we both went to the same high school at the same time AND remember this one really weird kid from Home Ec. class.........That sort of thing never happens to me either. I'm not one to run into people from the past. BUT this one I was definitely supposed to meet.
She lives about 1 1/2 hours out of town and we both just happened to be somewhere neither of us usually are AND, yes there is more. She does the same "work " that I do and before you know it I am now invited to her cottage at Cultas Lake. For those of you who live in the Lower Mainland you know what I am referring to. For everyone else however, Cultas Lake is this beautiful little lake about 1 1/2 hours out of the main city with very few people who live there full time but this woman does. She immediately started talking about me coming out there and sharing my work in a circle, perhaps do some classes or workshops AND she says to bring my overnight bag and we will see what occurs.....see Katrice with a little eyebrow lift.....Phew...
All of this occurred before 1:30 this afternoon so it has been a productive day already.
I am now going to put together a flyer to bring my "doggy healing/relaxation" sessions to the world. No really - I do do that too. There are a lot of neurotic dogs in the big city. Little yappy things that people carry around in shoulder bags and such. What's with that? I mean aren't dogs supposed to walk around on their legs? I'll save this little subject for another time - could be a great comedy routine actually but I digress...
There is this "Doggy Deli" around the corner from my place and I asked her if I could post a flyer in her store and she said sure. Perfect place to get those clients from too. Perhaps I'll offer a free day out of her shop of sample doggy relaxation healing sessions or something like that. Anyway, good to have the thinking cap back on.
That ridiculous notion that I could somehow simply morph back into what I used to be and do after almost 20 years was silly. I mean I could have done it but why would I when I have work to do of a much higher nature. And I know you are probably going "how can being a doggy healer be of a higher nature" but why shouldn't our little four legged friends receive love and light from the Universe too. Someone has to do it. Why not me? They seem to enjoy it. Their "parents" get a much more well mannered/tempered dog and I receive monetary compensation for the sharing of this special gift I have.
Going over to my regular Tuesday night gathering later. I haven't been a part of a circle for a very long time...or at least one that I feel compelled to attend each week. I am getting a lot out of this work that I am learning to do with these people. I will be assisting at the next workshop which is only 2 weeks away. And that is another thing come to think of it!!!
I chose to take a really expensive workshop with someone and I NEVER do that but something inside me said "you need to do this work". Now, less than 2 months later, she has asked to help facilitate these workshops. Feels like it is going to be a huge asset to the work that I already do which is probably why things have slowed down for me. Time to recharge the batteries after such a long time giving, giving, giving. I'm filling up the well so that I can move back out into the world as a whole and fulfilled Soul.
In this NOW moment, I am in the perfect place. I know this to be true.
Blessings to you. May your day be filled with joyful abundance.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
The Selfless Muse.........
Perfect timing. It is now exactly 1:11 p.m. and I am sitting down to share with you all now. I think I finally got it...........aligned that is. The urge to sit here and write daily has now got me in its grip. Hooray......seems that I can now be my own Muse instead of looking outside myself for inspiration. The Divine Muse within. Nice title....perhaps I'll use it for the book that I think I am already in the midst of writing.
I have been releasing so much lately that it feels as if a divine fountain has been engaged. It is effortlessly spewing forth all that is no longer necessary for me to continue clinging to. And believe me, sometimes it has felt like I had a death grip on situations that were not only causing me angst but disempowering me in all aspects of my life. Interesting how we do that isn't it? Continuing to cling to the old when there is so much newness clamoring to get in.....in to our energy fields. Newness that will assist us in moving forward and toward the life that is calling us.
I printed out a little tidbit the other day and blew it up so it is now looking at me as I sit here writing. It is also on the fridge.....a holding place for many little tidbits of inspiration that grab my attention numerous times a day. Anyway it says
WE MUST BE WILLING TO LET GO OF THE LIFE WE HAVE PLANNED SO AS TO HAVE THE LIFE THAT IS WAITING FOR US.
My life is waiting for me? You mean it is already there and all I have to do is catch up? Neat thought or more importantly a good way to look at life.
Our lives are already happening when we land in them. We of course have a hand in how our days unfold but when we are persistently clinging to our idea of how it "should" be, we lose sight of how it is and perhaps how it "could" be. I know that my life has not been as I had envisioned it and I am only now understanding that all that I have been through to this point was necessary, even the stuff that had me down on my knees pleading with God or the Universe or whomever to make it stop. But it didn't and here I am now, a little bruised but ready to take up the mantle once more and forge ahead.
I have a meeting with a group of Spas today and they called me. Woo hoo.....had responded to an ad for Bodyworkers on Craigs list and for the first time ever, there was no mention of having to be accredited or registered or licensed. Since I like to say that my gifrs are a download from God, I do not have little pieces of paper saying that I studied with this person or received this commendation from that school so it has been hard for me to even get in the door until now. The person with whom I am meeting even said that they are more interested in how I present myself and they are looking for someone who can relate to the wide range of clients that they receive. She stressed that a large percentage of their clients are in the movie/entertainment industry so right off the bat, I know that I will be well received.
I am a unique Soul and most of my own clients are creative beings. I very rarely attract the accountant types or the very rigid personas. I am looking forward to seeing how this pans out and I have to admit when she said that she was looking for bodyworkers instead of a receptionist/Administrative person I let out a big sigh and said Thank you.
I had almost given up on continuing to do my work and had been persuing other forms of employment, including doing office work which is something that I did long ago but when I asked what position she was calling about, I think I almost shouted hooray. Anyway, lets all put our positive energies together for me and envision a wonderful positive outcome. Thanks everyone.
So this life that is waiting for me to engage in feels much more aligned now that all that other stuff is being discarded. No more to look for others to get my juices flowing. Just allow my own flow to be engaged and settle in for the ride.
Have a wonderful day.
I have been releasing so much lately that it feels as if a divine fountain has been engaged. It is effortlessly spewing forth all that is no longer necessary for me to continue clinging to. And believe me, sometimes it has felt like I had a death grip on situations that were not only causing me angst but disempowering me in all aspects of my life. Interesting how we do that isn't it? Continuing to cling to the old when there is so much newness clamoring to get in.....in to our energy fields. Newness that will assist us in moving forward and toward the life that is calling us.
I printed out a little tidbit the other day and blew it up so it is now looking at me as I sit here writing. It is also on the fridge.....a holding place for many little tidbits of inspiration that grab my attention numerous times a day. Anyway it says
WE MUST BE WILLING TO LET GO OF THE LIFE WE HAVE PLANNED SO AS TO HAVE THE LIFE THAT IS WAITING FOR US.
My life is waiting for me? You mean it is already there and all I have to do is catch up? Neat thought or more importantly a good way to look at life.
Our lives are already happening when we land in them. We of course have a hand in how our days unfold but when we are persistently clinging to our idea of how it "should" be, we lose sight of how it is and perhaps how it "could" be. I know that my life has not been as I had envisioned it and I am only now understanding that all that I have been through to this point was necessary, even the stuff that had me down on my knees pleading with God or the Universe or whomever to make it stop. But it didn't and here I am now, a little bruised but ready to take up the mantle once more and forge ahead.
I have a meeting with a group of Spas today and they called me. Woo hoo.....had responded to an ad for Bodyworkers on Craigs list and for the first time ever, there was no mention of having to be accredited or registered or licensed. Since I like to say that my gifrs are a download from God, I do not have little pieces of paper saying that I studied with this person or received this commendation from that school so it has been hard for me to even get in the door until now. The person with whom I am meeting even said that they are more interested in how I present myself and they are looking for someone who can relate to the wide range of clients that they receive. She stressed that a large percentage of their clients are in the movie/entertainment industry so right off the bat, I know that I will be well received.
I am a unique Soul and most of my own clients are creative beings. I very rarely attract the accountant types or the very rigid personas. I am looking forward to seeing how this pans out and I have to admit when she said that she was looking for bodyworkers instead of a receptionist/Administrative person I let out a big sigh and said Thank you.
I had almost given up on continuing to do my work and had been persuing other forms of employment, including doing office work which is something that I did long ago but when I asked what position she was calling about, I think I almost shouted hooray. Anyway, lets all put our positive energies together for me and envision a wonderful positive outcome. Thanks everyone.
So this life that is waiting for me to engage in feels much more aligned now that all that other stuff is being discarded. No more to look for others to get my juices flowing. Just allow my own flow to be engaged and settle in for the ride.
Have a wonderful day.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
paying attention to the spaces....
To expand upon my last post concerning the spaces in between I neglected to mention that I had a wee bit of an accident the other morning. A clock that hangs above my kitchen sink fell on me. Not only did it fall on me...but it made contact right in the centre of my third eye. I mean right smack dab in the middle of it.
The goose egg within that first hour was amazing. I have NEVER had something like this happen to me so it was quite fascinating in a weird sort of way. The feeling of my skin stretching over my forehead was quite surreal and I immediately identified with the Klingons or whoever those weird creatures are on Star Trek or Battlestar Gallactica or those other Sci Fi shows. I mean this HUGE bump which now that I think back upon it must have been almost as big as a golf ball. Can you envision that? That is a really big bump to be residing in the centre of your forehead. But that was then...this is now. And now it is a totally different vision...........
The goose egg has gone down. It is now the size of a marble but a very purple marble....well, there is also a hint of green and yellow but it is pretty ugly and remember it is situated at my 3rd eye so you can't just miss it or anything like that. But that is nothing to what has now happeed to the rest of my face. The bruise starts at the marble lump spot and spreads out towards the tips of eyebrows and then leisurely slides down between my eyes and carries down to the mid point at the centre of my nose. The colours spread out from my nose edging quite close to my cheek bones. So have you got the picture yet? A little hard to miss.
So as to the writing thing that I have going on the past few days, this is another of the reasons. I just don't want to go out and have to explain what happened nor have people look at me and go "WHOA.......WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?" or words to that effect.
But what I am attempting to get across here is not so much the injury but the fact that it has me at home doing what it is that I keep talking about doing....writing. It has also made me sit up and pay attention to what is or, more importantly, is NOT happening in my life.
Being hit HARD in the 3rd eye is not something that I can ignore. The 3rd eye is the seat of your intuition - the place where you are able to see beyond what lies right in front of your physical eyes. And sometimes I know that I would rather see everything else than what is staring me down.
So I have come to some very clear understandings as to some of the rather unstable aspects of my persona....the ones that have contributed to getting to where I am here...right now. Such a huge learning curve just occured for me and I have a clock to thank for it. And when you remember that it was a clock that hit me......perhaps it is all about "timing".
Perhaps the timing was not yet in sync with the learning curve for me to be able to see clearly. Perhaps the veils were not yet ready to lift - allowing me to really appreciate all of what was currently occuring in my life....those spaces and places within which I was not feeling comfortable nor supported.
The places that I was choosing to share my gifts or "work" at where I found myself feeling stifled - they are no longer a part of my life. I do miss the connections that I had with a few people but generally it was a draining experience for me. At one point, I loved heading out to share my gifts at other locations but the past year or so, it had become a chore and something to which I was not looking forward to. So I stopped.
The person with whom I was choosing to share all of me, all of this loving being that I AM. This situation is also now behind me and another energy draining aspect is ready to be let go. This has been a very hard blind spot, so to speak, for me for quite some time. I had been working at letting this Soul go for a long time but over the past few weeks, it has been clearer and clearer to me FINALLY that it is definitely not something that I choose to do any longer and THIS is a wonderful thing to be writing. That particular veil was very heavy and I can feel a lightness starting to permeate my body and Soul.
Who knows what will happen next. I'm not worried about it though. I will, however, be watching for things falling from the sky and my 3rd eye will remain fully open to catch anything else that chooses to filter down to me.
I promise to pay attention this time.
The goose egg within that first hour was amazing. I have NEVER had something like this happen to me so it was quite fascinating in a weird sort of way. The feeling of my skin stretching over my forehead was quite surreal and I immediately identified with the Klingons or whoever those weird creatures are on Star Trek or Battlestar Gallactica or those other Sci Fi shows. I mean this HUGE bump which now that I think back upon it must have been almost as big as a golf ball. Can you envision that? That is a really big bump to be residing in the centre of your forehead. But that was then...this is now. And now it is a totally different vision...........
The goose egg has gone down. It is now the size of a marble but a very purple marble....well, there is also a hint of green and yellow but it is pretty ugly and remember it is situated at my 3rd eye so you can't just miss it or anything like that. But that is nothing to what has now happeed to the rest of my face. The bruise starts at the marble lump spot and spreads out towards the tips of eyebrows and then leisurely slides down between my eyes and carries down to the mid point at the centre of my nose. The colours spread out from my nose edging quite close to my cheek bones. So have you got the picture yet? A little hard to miss.
So as to the writing thing that I have going on the past few days, this is another of the reasons. I just don't want to go out and have to explain what happened nor have people look at me and go "WHOA.......WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?" or words to that effect.
But what I am attempting to get across here is not so much the injury but the fact that it has me at home doing what it is that I keep talking about doing....writing. It has also made me sit up and pay attention to what is or, more importantly, is NOT happening in my life.
Being hit HARD in the 3rd eye is not something that I can ignore. The 3rd eye is the seat of your intuition - the place where you are able to see beyond what lies right in front of your physical eyes. And sometimes I know that I would rather see everything else than what is staring me down.
So I have come to some very clear understandings as to some of the rather unstable aspects of my persona....the ones that have contributed to getting to where I am here...right now. Such a huge learning curve just occured for me and I have a clock to thank for it. And when you remember that it was a clock that hit me......perhaps it is all about "timing".
Perhaps the timing was not yet in sync with the learning curve for me to be able to see clearly. Perhaps the veils were not yet ready to lift - allowing me to really appreciate all of what was currently occuring in my life....those spaces and places within which I was not feeling comfortable nor supported.
The places that I was choosing to share my gifts or "work" at where I found myself feeling stifled - they are no longer a part of my life. I do miss the connections that I had with a few people but generally it was a draining experience for me. At one point, I loved heading out to share my gifts at other locations but the past year or so, it had become a chore and something to which I was not looking forward to. So I stopped.
The person with whom I was choosing to share all of me, all of this loving being that I AM. This situation is also now behind me and another energy draining aspect is ready to be let go. This has been a very hard blind spot, so to speak, for me for quite some time. I had been working at letting this Soul go for a long time but over the past few weeks, it has been clearer and clearer to me FINALLY that it is definitely not something that I choose to do any longer and THIS is a wonderful thing to be writing. That particular veil was very heavy and I can feel a lightness starting to permeate my body and Soul.
Who knows what will happen next. I'm not worried about it though. I will, however, be watching for things falling from the sky and my 3rd eye will remain fully open to catch anything else that chooses to filter down to me.
I promise to pay attention this time.
the spaces in between
This seems to be a recurring theme for the past few days. I heard it mentioned when watching the Moses Code the other night. Then I read a similar point being made while reading something called the Daily OM. If that wasn't enough I went to the symphony the other night and the conductor was talking about the space in between the notes in the symphony that he was getting set to conduct. And then AGAIN, it came to my attention this morning while reading something (sorry I can't remember exactly what it was) so I had to stop and say "Hey, what's with this"? A theme developing all around me while I sit here, in my own space with nothing much happening........
In the Moses Code James Twyman talked about how so many of us spend time focussing on what is not working in our lives, thereby bringing MORE of that discordance in with every thought. Instead, focus on where it is that we are wanting to go, what it is that we are desirous of bringing in and shift our attention in that direction.
In another instance, I was reading about someone who was starting to do mountain biking down some pretty extreme hills. He talked about continually wiping out and an expert biker asked him what he was focussing on as he hurtled down the hill. The answer was that he was watching all the rocks and bumps and trying not to hit them. The expert suggested that he should "focus on the spaces in between the bumps and rocks and get to his destination that way." As soon as he shifted his focus to the spaces in between, he started to make it down the hills with much more success and is now an expert himself.
So back to the original point here....what do we find in the spaces in between? The times in our lives when we are flailing around and struggling....when confusion reigns supreme, when we feel lost and without a clear direction. Perhaps it is just these times that are our own "in between spaces". Perhaps we are simply being held in this "space" as we shift from the past into the future. This present moment may just be the perfect in between space for us to be catapulted into our future. And it's all good.
Sure it doesn't exactly feel "all good" when we are feeling lost and disoriented in our current life circumstances. I know that I am feeling somewhat unsettled as I try to figure out what it is that I truly wish to be doing next. The fact that I am sitting here writing is a very good thing however as I keep talking about doing just this. This current in between space is affording me lots of time to do just this.....write write and write some more. So I guess it is good.
The spaces in between are a necessary part of the whole experience that is life. Just like the spaces in between the notes are necessary for the whole symphony to flow. Just like I need to have space available to be able to sit and write. Just like I need to access my own unique flow once more.
I was feeling completely out of sync with me and my own energies and that was feeling very uncomfortable. As the sun is trying valiantly to shine through my office window, I feel a kindred spirit within it. My own light has been trying to shine and I have been placing all sorts of limitations and veils over it.
In this now moment..........in this in between space..........I am shining out and I certainly hope that my little discourse here has enabled you to flick your own switch in this moment and shine on too.
Blessings abound.
In the Moses Code James Twyman talked about how so many of us spend time focussing on what is not working in our lives, thereby bringing MORE of that discordance in with every thought. Instead, focus on where it is that we are wanting to go, what it is that we are desirous of bringing in and shift our attention in that direction.
In another instance, I was reading about someone who was starting to do mountain biking down some pretty extreme hills. He talked about continually wiping out and an expert biker asked him what he was focussing on as he hurtled down the hill. The answer was that he was watching all the rocks and bumps and trying not to hit them. The expert suggested that he should "focus on the spaces in between the bumps and rocks and get to his destination that way." As soon as he shifted his focus to the spaces in between, he started to make it down the hills with much more success and is now an expert himself.
So back to the original point here....what do we find in the spaces in between? The times in our lives when we are flailing around and struggling....when confusion reigns supreme, when we feel lost and without a clear direction. Perhaps it is just these times that are our own "in between spaces". Perhaps we are simply being held in this "space" as we shift from the past into the future. This present moment may just be the perfect in between space for us to be catapulted into our future. And it's all good.
Sure it doesn't exactly feel "all good" when we are feeling lost and disoriented in our current life circumstances. I know that I am feeling somewhat unsettled as I try to figure out what it is that I truly wish to be doing next. The fact that I am sitting here writing is a very good thing however as I keep talking about doing just this. This current in between space is affording me lots of time to do just this.....write write and write some more. So I guess it is good.
The spaces in between are a necessary part of the whole experience that is life. Just like the spaces in between the notes are necessary for the whole symphony to flow. Just like I need to have space available to be able to sit and write. Just like I need to access my own unique flow once more.
I was feeling completely out of sync with me and my own energies and that was feeling very uncomfortable. As the sun is trying valiantly to shine through my office window, I feel a kindred spirit within it. My own light has been trying to shine and I have been placing all sorts of limitations and veils over it.
In this now moment..........in this in between space..........I am shining out and I certainly hope that my little discourse here has enabled you to flick your own switch in this moment and shine on too.
Blessings abound.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
The Moses Code
So I went to a screening of the Moses Code last night but don't quite know what I got out of it. I guess I'll just go with the things that stick in my mind and then take it from there.
James Twyman goes through the 3 main things or attributes that we need to address as we move into our own personal mastery but, in the end, it is all about giving for, as we all know, it is in the giving that we receive. It is also coming into possession of your acceptance of your own destiny even if you are not totally aware of what exactly it is. And that is where I am folks...
What is my destiny? I had thought I was on the road but I seemed to have hit a roadblock, so to speak, on many levels, and I have been whining about just this thing for the past little while.
And yes, I admit it. I have been whining. Oh poor me look at where I am and let me tell you, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with where I am. I am safe and protected and able to manage just fine. But there is something calling to me of a much bigger nature and I just can't seem to get a handle on it. The home of the person who was showing the film last night got me thinking BIG TIME. I mean OMG, I have never been in such a beautiful house and she just finished the final decorations the day before she opened her home to all of us.
Now I had heard that she had just got divorced and the house was part of her settlement but little did I know that her now Ex husband is someone of note in the personal development field. Not naming any names here but it surprised me a lot. Anyway, that is not the point. The point here is that the first thought that sprang into my mind was "Hey, she did well in her divorce settlement" and the very next thought was "Wow did I blow mine." But then, at that moment, I did not know who she had been married to and suffice to say, there was a whole lot more LOOT to divy up than in my divorce. Now that I am sitting here writing this, I realize how silly that second thought was. But it was mine. And I need to pay attention to those errant thoughts.
I have been rather judgemental of late towards my little self. Trying to see if there was anything that I could have done differently with regards to the dissolution of my marriages (2 - hey that's not that bad...grin) but like it or not, I just could not continue on with them and while it might have been different had I just "sucked it up" like so many women do I have already established that I am not most women. The one thing however that does concern me is that I had always been a home owner but since I went off on my adventure after the last divorce I have not regained a foot hold in the housing market and now, living in Vancouver I sometimes wonder if I ever will again. I hate that rents continually go up simply because the year is up. That does seem fair to me at all. I know people who have been paying the same rent for years simply because their landlords like to have them as tenants. I guess living in a high rise though, the powers that be that own my little space don't care about who fills the space, they just want their money and since they are allowed to raise rents each year, being as how they are in the business of making money, that is exactly what they do. So here I sit, with nothing special being done to my place unless I do it AND paying more each year.
So went off on a little tangent there didn't I but back to the giving and accepting part of the Moses Code. I am constantly trying to come into acceptance for me and my lot in life and most days I do pretty well at it but lately I have been looking back a lot and realizing that the choices I made then were the ones for that time in my life and while I might not be as accepting of where I am right now, everything that I did do back then has had a profound effect on where I am now. So time to accept it and move on.
And as for the giving part of it all. I do give a lot of myself but of late, spirit has been making me spend more time with me and that is what I am being prompted to do. It is time to give to me and if I can learn to give to me and come into acceptance for all of what I am then that ever elusive destiny will appear closer and I can take the next step........sort of like Moses.
Gotta pay attention and move forward even if we might not know where the next step will take us.
James Twyman goes through the 3 main things or attributes that we need to address as we move into our own personal mastery but, in the end, it is all about giving for, as we all know, it is in the giving that we receive. It is also coming into possession of your acceptance of your own destiny even if you are not totally aware of what exactly it is. And that is where I am folks...
What is my destiny? I had thought I was on the road but I seemed to have hit a roadblock, so to speak, on many levels, and I have been whining about just this thing for the past little while.
And yes, I admit it. I have been whining. Oh poor me look at where I am and let me tell you, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with where I am. I am safe and protected and able to manage just fine. But there is something calling to me of a much bigger nature and I just can't seem to get a handle on it. The home of the person who was showing the film last night got me thinking BIG TIME. I mean OMG, I have never been in such a beautiful house and she just finished the final decorations the day before she opened her home to all of us.
Now I had heard that she had just got divorced and the house was part of her settlement but little did I know that her now Ex husband is someone of note in the personal development field. Not naming any names here but it surprised me a lot. Anyway, that is not the point. The point here is that the first thought that sprang into my mind was "Hey, she did well in her divorce settlement" and the very next thought was "Wow did I blow mine." But then, at that moment, I did not know who she had been married to and suffice to say, there was a whole lot more LOOT to divy up than in my divorce. Now that I am sitting here writing this, I realize how silly that second thought was. But it was mine. And I need to pay attention to those errant thoughts.
I have been rather judgemental of late towards my little self. Trying to see if there was anything that I could have done differently with regards to the dissolution of my marriages (2 - hey that's not that bad...grin) but like it or not, I just could not continue on with them and while it might have been different had I just "sucked it up" like so many women do I have already established that I am not most women. The one thing however that does concern me is that I had always been a home owner but since I went off on my adventure after the last divorce I have not regained a foot hold in the housing market and now, living in Vancouver I sometimes wonder if I ever will again. I hate that rents continually go up simply because the year is up. That does seem fair to me at all. I know people who have been paying the same rent for years simply because their landlords like to have them as tenants. I guess living in a high rise though, the powers that be that own my little space don't care about who fills the space, they just want their money and since they are allowed to raise rents each year, being as how they are in the business of making money, that is exactly what they do. So here I sit, with nothing special being done to my place unless I do it AND paying more each year.
So went off on a little tangent there didn't I but back to the giving and accepting part of the Moses Code. I am constantly trying to come into acceptance for me and my lot in life and most days I do pretty well at it but lately I have been looking back a lot and realizing that the choices I made then were the ones for that time in my life and while I might not be as accepting of where I am right now, everything that I did do back then has had a profound effect on where I am now. So time to accept it and move on.
And as for the giving part of it all. I do give a lot of myself but of late, spirit has been making me spend more time with me and that is what I am being prompted to do. It is time to give to me and if I can learn to give to me and come into acceptance for all of what I am then that ever elusive destiny will appear closer and I can take the next step........sort of like Moses.
Gotta pay attention and move forward even if we might not know where the next step will take us.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Welcome to Spring
...or at least it is starting to feel like Spring here in Vancouver. I was wandering around this afternoon and came upon the most magnificent Magnolia in full bloom. AMAZING....some of the blooms must have been 6 inches across. A huge tree and everyone was stopping to gave in awe at this incredible beauty... Made me stop and take a deep breath. Even made me slow my pace down a bit so that I could stroll without feeling hurried. Seems that I do that when walking. I always walk fast with a sense that I have to hurry. Why do I do that?
Sometimes it is because I like to work out and when moving (walking for instance) I seem to want it to "mean" something - like I can burn some extra calories by walking faster. Other times it feels like I am trying to run away from something and at the end of the day it is only me that I am attempting to gain distance from. Bummer eh? Trying to get away from your own Self seems rather futile doesn't it? I mean it is times like these when I need to realize that I have me to contend with and like or not, I am NOT going away. Sigh.....
Going to a Buddhist event tonight at a place called the Shamballa Centre with my daughter in law. She has been meditating daily and getting in touch with herself and it is nice that we can do something of a higher nature together. I am looking forward to being in the silence with other like minded Souls. Finding myself going to a lot of different circles and gatherings these days of a spiritual nature. Used to do this a lot way back when but then I started to host my own gatherings and stopped going to others. And of course that brings me to one of the reasons that I am having such a hard time of late.
I have not been having much luck in filling my classes or circles for almost a year now. Didn't want to have to look hard at this fact but suffice to say, I feel that it is time to step back from this work for a while and just "work" on me for a change. As we all know - We teach best that which we need to learn - so I guess it is time for me to start paying attention to all that I share with others and turn the light upon my own journey. And what is this light showing me?
Well, sadly it is showing me that I need to take a good hard look at not only my work, as it has been for the past 10 years, but also the people that I am surrounding myself with. I have some wonderful supportive friends and for them I am tryly grateful. But, I also have a lot of energies around me that drag me down and make it harder and harder for me to wish to connect with anyone. Hard when you are a social person and Spirit is trying to get you to spend time in solitary pursuits - getting clear on this one being - ME - instead of spreading me all around and not receiving all that I can.
Oh well, welcome to Spring. Spring cleaning of a different sort methinks. Now where did I put that dustpan???
Sometimes it is because I like to work out and when moving (walking for instance) I seem to want it to "mean" something - like I can burn some extra calories by walking faster. Other times it feels like I am trying to run away from something and at the end of the day it is only me that I am attempting to gain distance from. Bummer eh? Trying to get away from your own Self seems rather futile doesn't it? I mean it is times like these when I need to realize that I have me to contend with and like or not, I am NOT going away. Sigh.....
Going to a Buddhist event tonight at a place called the Shamballa Centre with my daughter in law. She has been meditating daily and getting in touch with herself and it is nice that we can do something of a higher nature together. I am looking forward to being in the silence with other like minded Souls. Finding myself going to a lot of different circles and gatherings these days of a spiritual nature. Used to do this a lot way back when but then I started to host my own gatherings and stopped going to others. And of course that brings me to one of the reasons that I am having such a hard time of late.
I have not been having much luck in filling my classes or circles for almost a year now. Didn't want to have to look hard at this fact but suffice to say, I feel that it is time to step back from this work for a while and just "work" on me for a change. As we all know - We teach best that which we need to learn - so I guess it is time for me to start paying attention to all that I share with others and turn the light upon my own journey. And what is this light showing me?
Well, sadly it is showing me that I need to take a good hard look at not only my work, as it has been for the past 10 years, but also the people that I am surrounding myself with. I have some wonderful supportive friends and for them I am tryly grateful. But, I also have a lot of energies around me that drag me down and make it harder and harder for me to wish to connect with anyone. Hard when you are a social person and Spirit is trying to get you to spend time in solitary pursuits - getting clear on this one being - ME - instead of spreading me all around and not receiving all that I can.
Oh well, welcome to Spring. Spring cleaning of a different sort methinks. Now where did I put that dustpan???
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
a deeper introspection
Having a slow Tuesday but it is all good. Lots of very swirling energy all around me yesterday but I seem to have moved through it for the better.
Have had to look at some situations in my life these days and finally some clarity has come to roost. Nice to have had the veils lift so I can see to the core of a few things and now am figuring out to manouever through it all from a different viewpoint.
A calmness has descended upon me and I truly feel that one of my main challenges at this time has finally become clear. A different mindset is now required and hopefully this willl resolve a conflict that I have been waging for quite some time. These times of deep introspection can be a real eye opener but stepping back from the situation, while in the midst of it, is the only way to go.
Have a good one
Have had to look at some situations in my life these days and finally some clarity has come to roost. Nice to have had the veils lift so I can see to the core of a few things and now am figuring out to manouever through it all from a different viewpoint.
A calmness has descended upon me and I truly feel that one of my main challenges at this time has finally become clear. A different mindset is now required and hopefully this willl resolve a conflict that I have been waging for quite some time. These times of deep introspection can be a real eye opener but stepping back from the situation, while in the midst of it, is the only way to go.
Have a good one
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