Illusions

I have to admit to being a little dis-illusioned with myself. It is SO true that we teach that we which we most need to learn. I spend most of my time assisting others in meeting their potential and being the best that they can be and, here I am, wallowing around in an illusion that I created for myself. Oh well, I guess some of us take a little longer to get it than others.

When I was writing yesterday about wanting my Father to ACT like he loved me I was hit with a huge realization that most of my life I had been wanting others to love me while I had never really allowed ME to love ME. How many of us do that?

I am going to be taking a week-end workshop in a couple of weeks called "Relationship as Spiritual Practice". The relationship that I most need to be working on is my relationship with me. Once I get that all sorted out, then maybe, just maybe, I will be able to allow in a real relationship with someone who wants to be with me and only with me. I just can't continue on doing what I have been doing the past few years or, when I am honest with myself, most of my life. I have always searched for someone to love me - like it will make it all better but at the end of the day, it is me that needs to love me.

I have so many people in my life who tell me how wonderful and caring I am. I have no problem being that way with others but to allow someone in who is wonderful and caring for me seems to be an issue. The past few relationships (or non-relationships) that I have been involved in were spent continually TRYING to make what I had something that it was not. Time to get clear on who it is that I AM and then once that happens, I can consciously open to a loving and caring relationship with another.

So much of my life has been wandering around in a haze pretending that everything is o.k. but the reality of it all is that I have been confused as to who I really am. I know who I am to others but I keep so much of myself hidden, especially from me. Has it all been an illusion? And what is it that I am hiding from me? Seems that I have so many questions swirling around inside me that there is just nowhere to land. A safe place to simply BE with me.

Outwardly everything looks good. My home is a peaceful, nurturing space and others love to be here. But I do tend to draw in others who are also flailing around trying to get it right...a reflection of my own self for sure. I guess I feel more comfortable with others who are also confused.......like attracting like. I am looking another of those sayings thast I keep around me that goes something like this....

Accept responsibility for your vibe - you get what you vibrate.

Time to change my vibration methinks. Hopefully the next few days will allow me to gain some clarity while in the midst of my transition to the next stage - whatever that may be.

Am I in my power or not?

Just had another meltdown. Felt my energy draining out through my solar plexus and the frustration starting to run rampant. What is it that I am trying to do with regards to that non-relationship? I just briefly read some of my OWN website about hanging on to relationships when they have run their course. And here I am still trying to make it something that it is not, nor will it ever be.

I kept thinking that it was love and I know this is not the truth. It is just something that I have been telling myself to make it somehow make sense. But it does not make sense to keep putting myself back into the same position of wanting and not getting. Not getting what you might say. Not having it all be what I want it to be. Knowing it will never be what I want it to be. What part of it all am I missing here? Is it the little girl that wants Daddy to love her? There is a large part of that that could be true.

I remember when I was a little girl and also later when I was not a little girl - always wanting my Father to act like he loved me when most of the time all I received was anger. During my most recent conversation with this man, he lashed out at me for wanting things to be different. He knows what he wants from me and it just does not jive with what I had wanted from him. I say HAD wanted from him because the past few months I have just been confused as to what it is and knowing that it will NEVER be what I truly desire for myself, why don't I just let it go.

Let it go. Three little words but easier said than done. In my head I can go "O.K. I am done" and in that moment it feels true. But unfortunately I still persist in wishing it to be something other than what it is. I did say today AGAIN, I can't continue on. I have been saying this for almost 2 months now and have managed to stay away from him but still there is always this little voice inside saying that maybe it will change. That is just plain crazy. Not me being crazy but the thoughts being crazy.

I have mentioned the saying "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change". So how do you shift how you see things without getting all caught up in what it is that you are looking at - whether it is a thing or a situation? This situation has never been a healthy one for me and it will never be healthy for me so why am I still caught up in the energy of it all.

Perhaps it is that I am trying to pretend that it CAN be different. Fooling myself? You betcha. Time to move on but move on to where? A friend said that I should just go inside and stay there for a while until the answer becomes clear. Decide what I am wanting and allow it to come through. Come through? Does this mean that it is already here, trying to come through this pain and heartache? Am I holding back what the Universe is trying to send my way? Am I afraid of really bringing in something whole and true and real? Scary thought that one is.

Am I afraid of having a real nurturing passionate relationship? Why would that be? Wow, lots of questions coming to me today and that is o.k. If I don't ask the big questions, how are the answers ever going to arrive?

It has been one of those days for me. Hope your day has been better.

Blessings

Where has the week gone?

Wow, I just realized that I have not posted here since last Sunday. I did have a friend come into town and stay the night on Monday so was with me all day on Tuesday too. Had a circle to go to on Tuesday night and got home late so that put the kybosh on those 2 days. Yesterday turned out to be busier than anticipated as well and when I got back from my little Fitness Coach detail just felt like vegging...........hey, we all have days like that now don't we?

So here we are and it is now Thursday. The writing bug seems to have taken a hiatus of late. Just don't seem to have as much to say as usual.

You know who made his presence known again and that always gets me out of sorts. Staying away though so that is a good thing but still his energy seems to sap mine. Have to pay attention to that. Told him that I can no longer continue on as his "play friend". If he could come to me like he is with others it might work but I told him that the way it has always been is not the way it will be in the future, if at all. Staying in my power is a good thing but there is still this little girl that wants to play with her best friend. Hard for sure.

I realize that he DOES take my energy or perhaps I just give it over to him. Never been involved with anyone like him but I do remember when we first met he told me that I would never meet anyone like him and that is SO true. Drawn very strongly to him but there is a sense of power within me these days that seems to be stronger than before. I can feel my energy draining away at the thought of even seeing him and that is a very big sign that it is not something that serves me in any way.

Anyway, life is what it is and will continue to evolve. I am choosing stay aligned with this powerful woman inside and let her some out to take charge. God/Goddess knows this is the right thing to do.

Blessings

Let's all go AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I had a great weekend. It all just flowed. Didn't have any set plans but lots of possibilities. At the end of it all, I ended up eating lots of yummy food, having drinks with a number of different people, listening to some good music, got to spend LOTS of time in the SUN SHINE too..........woo hoo. So at the moment, life feels real good.

Got some clarity and focus on a number of different aspects of my life too which is a double bonus. Woke up this morning bright eyed and feeling very content with myself. And the rest of the day just unfolded in a wonderous display of sunshine and laughter. I am almost in awe of it all. AND I actually enjoyed buying ME something yummy to cook for my dinner. I am going to treat me just because I deserve it and enjoy being with ME because I am kinda cool if I do say so myself.

THIS HAS BEEN A HUGE WEEKEND FOR ME..big grin

Feels like a big weight has been lifted off of my little self and NOW, this more enlightened and clear person can get on with the show of creating her life for her by her and knowing that it is all EXACTLY as it is meant to be now.

I also realized that I really do enjoy the few stints a week that I work as a circuit coach at CURVES. I smile as I look at that. ME, a circuit coach for Curves..........It is just a way for the Universe to say "here, go and have some fun and help others while you do it. We'll take care of the rest of it all".

I had been speaking about getting a real JOB over the past few months and it didn't take me long to realize that I am not a REAL JOB kind of person like regular folks. However, it was becoming rather important for me to have something.....almost anything...........to do on a regular basis. Not like 40 hours a week regular but at least somewhere I had to be a few times a week. I have been just sort of floating along for the past 6 months and now, 4 days a week there is somewhere I have to be where I am making a difference and for me that is the main reason that I work.............to make a difference in the lives of others. Working in some office would only serve to give me a pay cheque and after a while it would drive me nuts. That is probably why I never did get a job trying to go about it like I would have 20 years ago. Thanks Universe!!

And - and this is just a little glimmer for me - someone new actually commented on some of these little postings of mine...........big grin. Thanks YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I often wonder who reads this blog and furthermore, how do you find me?

I keep thinking of somehow shutting down my website now that it doesn't seem to FEEL like me anymore but I think that some of you must have found me through the site. Be on the lookout over the next little while for an announcement from me on a brand spanking NEW website. One that better reflects the Being that I am now as opposed to the one that I was a couple of years ago. I'm excited about it because I feel so different from when I put that site up and the new one will be a much better reflection of me and the work that I now do. Not the fitness end of things but the healer intuitive end....the writer part of me too.

Yup, life feels good. Everyone go Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........

Blessings to you all.

oops, I hit the off switch............

....temporarily but still I did fall into the dark abyss for a tad yesterday. The friend that I wrote about yesterday laughed and told me to re-read what I wrote the other day. The part about forgetting our divinity and remembering to hit the ON switch.

Got smacked today really hard. Should have seen it coming but then again, things are always coming at us aren't they.


Hmmmmmmmm............now where did I put my Divinity? In front of me? Behind me? No is that it over to the right? Now the left? It is so tiring searching everywhere for it when we all know it is right here in the centre - and since it is me making all this noise I have to say that it is in the centre of ME.

Shock hit me and my entire body went out of balance, off centre. It felt awful. It felt like I had stepped outside myself and couldn't figure out how to get back in. Tried to do all the usual things that I do but the sensations persisted. Usually when things like this have happened, I start to cry but yesterday no tears. Shaking and feeling numb but no tears. Still feeling kind of out of it today but have lots of positive things to attend to and I do know that with time, this too shall pass.

The Universe is always giving us prods in the direction that we are meant to be going. When we deny the validity of those same prods, we end up where I did. Out of balance and out of touch with the Divine being that I am. I've done it time and time again and I now decide to pay attention.

I now stop trying to make someone fit into my life or, should I say, make me a part of theirs. I choose to be all that I need in each now moment, complete and whole within the totality of my being. I now move forward into the life that is waiting without trying to recreate the life that I used to lead.

Sigh...........

Hitting the ON switch in the NOW moment....

There is nothing more important right now than this one moment. What I do in this NOW moment has a profound effect on everything else that will occur as my day unfolds.

I have been reading another one of Deepak Chopra's books and this one is just what I seem to be needing - but then again don't the perfect books always appear when we most need them... It is called The Book of Secrets and at the end of the day, there are no secrets, there are just moments when we forget the Divine Truths. When I am fully present in my DIVINE being - like at this moment - everything will unfold in divine right time and order and THAT, my friends, is the biggest secret for us all to embrace.


When we "allow" our Self to be fully present in the divinity of each and every moment, the universe blesses us with its divine wisdom and then, and only then, do we get it - the secret that is. We are in each and every moment being guided to go inside and unearth all that we are - all that we have ever been. It is all there right inside you, at the core of your being.


I spent some time over the weekend assisting a friend who had forgotten her divinity. She is the most amazing woman who has managed to pick herself up from a life that she would rather forget and become a force of true love and light in my world. She came from a rather harsh background and some of the choices she made as a young woman still haunt her BUT, that is not the reason that I bring her up. It is that she forgot how much she has grown, how much she has managed to put that past behind her and how incredible her life is now. She amazes me with the intelligence that she possesses, the grace with which she conducts her life AND the amount of LOVE that she has to give. I smile as I think about how she was at the beginning of this past weekend and how she was as she came out of our meditation circle the other evening.


She had this huge grin on her face and she said that something had just clicked on within her. She had hit the off switch a while back and it took another dive into the depths of her Soul for her to be able to stand up and flick it back on. I'd like to think that my pushing and prodding over the course of a couple of days assisted but, at the end of the day, she chose to stand up again and remember who she is and once more hit the ON switch.

And that is what we all have to remember. Not looking for some imaginary thing that will magically make it all better. Just remember to hit the ON switch and get ON with our lives.

Profound??? perhaps but I think not.

Here's to being ON............

Blessings

making a difference just be being you.....

The rains have returned. In fact I was woken up this morning by thunder and lightening, or is it lightening and thunder. I saw through my closed eyes a bright flash and immediately started to count and poof....after 6 seconds a resounding and rolling thunder arrived. Must be because of the fact that the heat was incredible a mere two days ago (record setting actually) and now it is back to less than normal for our part of the world.

But think about it.....everywhere on the planet the earth is experiencing devastating natural occurrences. Who am I to think that we on the West Coast will escape whatever wrath the universe is choosing to throw our way. There seems to be a mass global cleansing happening and we should all sit up and pay attention. Not wanting to be all doom and gloom here but I'm sure you know what I am talking about. Something is afoot and we had better open our eyes and hearts and see what we can do about it.

Sure you will say "Hey, it is not my fault that there are thousands of people dying on the other side of the planet through earthquakes, typhoons, floods and the like" and it is true that you personally are not the one responsible but as one part of the whole of humanity, your thoughts and actions DO make an impact on the general well being of the ALL.

It is so easy to just simply forget about the plight of others when we are in the midst of managing our own little life but last night I found myself feeling VERY connected to much of the world by simply tuning in during a meditation circle that I held in my home.

I used to host meditation circles and facilitate spiritual development classes here on a weekly basis and last December I had to stop. My own life was causing me too much angst to feel "powerful" enough to hold the energy anymore. I didn't realize why I was stopping but 6 months later, with my own energy returning I am receiving direct guidance to start doing so again. And yesterday morning, on a whim, I sent off an email saying that I would be holding a circle here in honour of the Full Moon last nigh and just let it go.

A perfect little group showed up and the energy was incredible. Even one of the participants that usually acts up was fully present and resonating along with everyone else. We came together as one and even though there was a participant there who had never attended any of my gatherings in the past, her energy added considerably to the whole enchilada. In fact, I know that her presence there is something that needed to be paid attention to. I had met her a couple of years ago but when I saw her at my door I didn't have a clue who she was. The difference not only in her physical presence as amazing but it was her energy that was so foreign. Her life has gone through so many changes this past two years that it had completely changed EVERYTHING about her. I'll be talking with her later this week as I do know that there is something we are meant to be doing together.

Everyone has been going through their own "earthquakes or typhoons" the past 6 months and at the end of our time together, the stillness and sense of calm was amazing. For me, I realize that I am meant to share with others............share of my own energy and also the energies that choose to channel through me. And, it is not the number of people who DO show up, it is the energies of those who bring themselves to be a part of the whole........creating a much larger energy than we could have possibly imagined.

I know that as we all open our hearts, and our minds, to the largess of which we are all a part, we will realize the difference we do make when we focus. Like a pebble in a pond, the energies that we send from our hearts has a ripple effect that touches many even if we are not aware of it or never even know what occurs from a simple thought of love and healing that we issue forth.

So shine your light today and know that you make a difference.......just be being you.

sleepy morning

We finally got some summer weather here and just in time for a long weekend. The beaches are packed, or at least they were the past two days. It was so hot though that yesterday I just could not lay on the beach. It was quite funny actually because everyone was trying to find a spot in the shade. That doesn't usually happen in Vancouver. I had wanted to go to Wreck Beach today but couldn't find anyone to go with me and I just don't like going there by myself. I guess I should suck it up and start doing that sort of thing on my own because I just don't seem to have any friends that are able to commit to things these days.

I have been going over the list of people that I spend time with and it appears that most of my acquaintances are going through some pretty intense life changes at the moment. I mean none of them are comfortable in their lives and I guess that is a reflection of where I seem to be too. Not a very comfortable revelation for me this morning. I keep going over my life these past 15 years or so and I have to admit that I have just not been focussed. I think of the material possessions that I used to have and how they didn't mean anything to me at that time. Now, however, as I am getting older, I am starting to miss the security that all of that entailed. I mean I don't have anything of note to fall back on anymore and at times I find myself afraid of the future and that is a different place for me to be.

I remember when I was married and I had all these friends who were worried about where they would be when we got to the ages that we are now and the tables have turned. They all have jobs, money in the bank, homes and lives that are moving forward. In fact most of them are now retired and simply living their lives. It is now me that lives in a rented apartment, with very little money, no real income to speak of and the security that I always had to fall back upon is gone. Time to wake up me thinks.

I have found that now that I write in my blog, I am not sharing most of these fears with others, namely because they don't want to hear it. I had always been the one that people came to with their fears and insecurities and to be sharing my own now just doesn't seem like an option...except for here.

But at this moment, I am o.k. other than tired after another sleepless night. The sun is shining and I think I'll just get in some beach time before it gets too hot.

Blessings

Divine flow and sunshine

As I was just signing in here I noticed the name of someone elses blog. It was "When elephants can fly"...............something to think about. But that is not the topic for today but I thought it was funny.

Summer felt like it was here earlier. In fact I spent almost 3 hours on the beach. Hot and perfect blue skies. Left around 1:00 because it was starting to get really crowded but what a treat. I've got some colour back into my skin and it is warm. Ahhhhhhhhh. I do notice however that there is quite a bit of cloud cover out there now. REALLY! Now that I actually stood and looked out the window. What's up with that? Everyone that is gettng ready to head out on their long weekend will be all pissed if the weather shifts again. Odd - or perhaps not. The past few days have seen their fair share or "oddness" happening.

Strange phone calls and early, or should I say, LATE night calls. People calling that I haven't seen in ages. Must be in the air or something. Had a day or two of feeling yucky again but that seems to have cleared up.

I have something new to do in a couple of hours though so that will be interesting. I'm heading out to the new location to do readings out of. Not exactly the most beautiful spot but they just opened and have yet to establish me in any specific location. I am going to just go in and carve out a spot for a few hours and see what kind of reaction the customers have. Talked to the powers that be yesterday and they were talking about putting up some sort of gauzy tent to house the reader which should be cute. The place imports everything from Indonesia so lots of statues, buddhas galore and really funky furniture, lamps and paintings. Energy feels good even though it is not all organized so I'm looking forward to carving out my little niche in the West End once more.

For those of you who DO live in the Vancouver area, I am also part of a group that is going to hosting a Psychic Salon at The Sylvia Hotel once a month. The first one if on Sunday, June 22nd so just another place in my "hood" to share my self with.

Have a good night whatever you are doing and I'll be sure to check back in and share what, if anything, happens later this evening. Wish me luck..........or perhaps instead of that, just envision me in the Divine Flow where everything is perfectly in sync.

Yeah, that works.

Anyway,

floaty feeling.............

So the rains have subsided and now it is really muggy out there. Was cold earlier and now I hear that it will go from around 55 degrees for you Americans to around 90 degrees in the next few days. That of course means that there will be all these people complaining about how HOT it is after complaining since last October about how COLD it has been. Should be an interesting long weekend.

I didn't sleep much last night and then awoke feeling almost nauseous. Very wiped out and had to go to work - well if you can call, dancing around in the middle of a bunch of exercise machines with a lot of women sweating away - work. No energy or at least not much and then I had a Soul Reading to do which concerned me as being tired makes it harder sometimes to do the other "work " that I do. But I am happy to report that spending a couple of hours immersed in Spirit helped considerably. I love that part of the work.

It is now close to 6:00 p.m. and while I am tired, I am not fighting it any more since I don't have to go anywhere or talk to anyone else. As soon as I wrote that last sentence I seemed to have detached completely and just now realized that I had neglected to hit send. I guess there is something else that I am meant to be sharing here but for the life of me, I have not a clue as to what it is.

I think I'll just go and sit in meditation for a while and see what comes up - if anything.

Blessings

rain drenched streets

It is one of those days. The kind where you just don't want to get out of your jammies. The rain is falling and I can hear the water on the streets as the cars go by. Not at all like a normal Spring day. But I am starting to wonder exactly what "normal" days are anymore.

My continuing saga man and I had a couple of very good conversations today. After one such short conversation he called back and said that he had been thinking about something I had asked him.

I had come right out and asked him what it is that he really wants. He asked if I meant what he wanted from ME but I said no. Nothing to do with me. What do YOU want? So we talked about what it is that he REALLY wants at this time for him. Felt good to be able to actually have a real conversation with him where he finally spoke his truth. I too spoke mine and we batted around different scenarios down the road but for today, we talked. I so need to be able to share when my Ego gets all caught up in stuff and drama.....and to be able to speak directly with someone who is intricately woven into the fine mesh that is my life, is a good thing.

This evening I finally tuned in to one of Oprah and Eckhart's classes. Lots of good food for thought there but I do find that reading - at least for me - works much better than sitting there and listening to him speak. To begin there is something about his voice that does not draw me in. But he certainly does seem to have a HUGE following and I have to admit that there are a lot of lines in the book that make me go "Hey, there's a thought".

Was supposed to - or should I say - I had planned on going to my regular Tuesday night gathering as I have missed the past two because of my little "illness."......all better now by the way. Had planned on going to catch up with all those other Souls who are also in the midst of awakening to their own unique purposes but that same rain that I spoke about earlier just made it hard for me to venture forth so here I sit, tapping away on the keyboard and feeling like something shifted again.

I feel this particular shift could take me places I had not envisioned up to now. I guess I'll just continue on my merry way and set my intention on being fully present in every moment and see what the Universe throws my way.

Hey.......there's a thought.

Blessings to you all.

emotions and control

I was talking with a friend at the gym this morning and he was really getting me to share what is happening within my heart concerning you know who. I kept saying I don't want to go there right now as I get too emotional and he said "so get emotional". I have spoken with him a lot over the year that I have known him but he has NEVER opened up to me but here he was trying to get me to go there. Interesting. I know he is attracted to me but he has never asked me out and I always wonder why not. But then again, he is friendly with ALL the women so perhaps he is just one of those nice guys but still, he never goes out with anyone. Something there for sure and I know he is not gay if you are wondering that. Anyway, blah blah blah

It is Monday so a new week is upon us all. I have a number of different things to delve into but am finding myself feeling out of sorts this morning. The Mother's Day dinner thing is still nudging me to look at things. The daughter dearest did another one of her "digs"....subtly as usual but I am wondering if she will ever let it go and just be nice to me for a steady period of time. The dinner that she prepared was incredible and it shocked me at how well she prepared and presented it to everyone. She was still stand offish with me again after the past few times when I thought we had moved beyond our past stuff. But here she was again, making me know that for one reason or another she is still pissed. And the Mother's Day card that I received from her wasn't even a card from a daughter to her mother.....it said for someone special but I didn't feel special. She also made a snide comment in it about me "FINALLY" taking charge of my life. It just hurts that she is the way she is with me and I can't do anything about it at all. I guess that is the lesson. I just have to accept things the way they are and stop trying to make it something else.

Like the "guy" thing. I keep thinking that it will be something other than what it is and then of course, he does move in new directions which keeps me thinking it WILL be something else but each and every time it falls flat again. So what is it that keeps me in the energy of hope for he and I.

Interesting that both my daughter and this confusing man are Geminis. they both pull me in and then spit me out. Something there to consider for sure.

Anyway, I am boring this morning so I will just get on with the rest of my day and hope to step into a place of power at some point.

But at least I did write so it is already a good day.

Blessings to you all.

Mother's Day

Feeling rather odd today. Firstly, neither of my kids called this morning to wish me Happy Mother's Day and then when I finally gave in and called my son, his girlfriend informed me that she will NOT be participating in my Mother's Day celebration. WHAT?

Originally the kids were going to be coming to MY house and cooking me dinner here which felt fine. Then my daughter said she had to work so the suggestion ws that I would spend it with my son and his girlfriend and do something another day with the daughter. BUT then SHE decided that she was going to help her best friend`s kids cook dinner for THEIR mom so could we all do it at her friends house. I said o.k. if it was going to the only way that I would be able to celebrate with them all but NOW of course...........well, it is all going down hill from here so I`ll just stop.

Sigh............and to make matters worse, the first Happy Mother`s Day greeting that I DID get was from the man that I keep trying to detach from. Will it ever end between the two of us....

Feeling quite unsettled to say the least. But at least I am feeling better physically and even got to the gym and had a very good workout. But not very grounded and wondering what on earth is happening today.

My son`s girlfriend is all upset now because her Mom is off on a Mediterranean cruise so she is feeling like an orphan which is probably why she doesn`t want to come and celebrate anything today. However she is in her 30`s and you would think that it would not be such a big deal with her Mom out of town but I guess she is closer to her family than a lot of people that I do know.

I think I should just get outside and go for a long walk in the sun while it is still here.

Happy Mother`s Day to you all.

almost back in the land of the living

Am feeling better tonight. Spent some time in the park at the lake and it was perfect. The sun was shining and it was so very quiet. I was sitting on a bench with my eyes closed settling in to a sweet place of calm and a bird landed on my thigh...... I jerked and the poor little bird shrieked. It flew up on to the branch next to me and sat there staring. I must have been VERY calm. Perhaps it thought I was just another inanimate object - a part of the park which I guess at that moment I had become. Anyway, it was a very NOW moment.

Went to meet with the people connected with the place that is my new "home" as a reader in the city. Amazing people I have managed to connect with. HUGE hearts and all about giving back to the world. Such a change from the last place. I am being blessed methinks. PLUS it is my neighbourhood so it just feels so very right.

Ended up sharing a bottle of wine and a pizza with one of the guys. I like him. Amazing stories he has from his life and it just keeps getting more interesting. He is happy and at peace with himself. We laugh. We dance. We talk. I even got a foot rub. HEAVEN. I told him that I know it is just a part of his bag of tricks to have me succumb to his charm and he said "Yeah, pretty much" as he laughed and squeezed my foot. When I said it was time for him to leave he said it is nice to know that we can be relaxed around each other and gave me a great big hug and off he went. Nice night....smile

I then checked email and guess who had left me a message. I am STRONG so not to fear.

It's Mother's Day as we all know and the kids are cooking me dinner. Originally they were going to come to my house but now it looks like we will be going to a friend of my daughter's who has this great big house with a HUGE covered deck. In any event, I am going to be fed and pampered one way or the other so it will be fun.

The land of the living beckons...

Whacked part deux

Wow. Last night I was feeling so bad that I almost posted one of those long "poor little me" type things but then decided to just delete it from here and send it to a friend. I thought I had copied it prior to deleting but I guess the Universe chose to delete it for ever because when I went to paste it into the appropriate email address it was nowhere to be found. Good idea I guess.

Feeling sick sucks for sure. And I have never been a very good patient. I have been sleeping or at least laying in bed with the blinds closed at all hours of the day. Tried to wander around yesterday and attend to some things but it was like manoveuring through quicksand. I find that at times like this, I can get really down on myself and start to think things that are probably left un"thunk"... Not much fun.

But at least I am sleeping better which does help a bit. Have a couple of clients today too so that will perk me up a bit, not to mention actually put some moolah in my pocket.

The weather isn't helping much either. It is like we have had maybe 3 days of Spring and it is already the second week of May. At least it is not snowing like it is for my buddy Carol who lives north of here. I mean...give me a break...snowing in May. What is going on in the world? I guess I shouldn't even ask that question. We all know what is happening. The Gods are angry and they are not going to take it anymore.

I have a friend who is really waiting for the entire world to fall apart. He claims to be a great spiritualist but when he says things like we need a major catastrophe to occur to rid the planet of at least 10,000,000 people I have to wonder. He even gloats about it. But then again, he chooses to detach from everyone in his life....except for me it seems. I remember when I first met this man I thought, WHOA........here is a beautiful man (and he is that) who understands spirit and is intelligent but once I got to know him I realized that he really doesn't like humans very much at all. He is not suicidal but he would much rather be in Spirit than in his normal human form. He chooses to NOT be involved emotionally with people - yet he still does lots of volunteer work and shares of his time and energy with others but NOT on an emotional level at all. I asked him why he is afraid of connecting on a deeper level with people (i.e. me...) and he says that he is much more comfortable communing with God that with mere mortals. I do pick them that's for sure.

Anyway, I am going to try to have a better day today. The tightness in my chest in finally subsiding and I seem to be clearing up the congestion so perhaps I am on the road to recovery. Feeling slightly guilty that I have not seen my Dad for almost two weeks but I sure don't want to be infecting all those little old people at the Care Centre. He didn't sound very alert when I chatted with him the other day either. I know that he does not connect with the other residents and when there is no connection, he doesn't talk and if he doesn't talk, his voice gets all slurred and he seems slower.

I never realized how important it is for people to connect with others, if only to get the brain engaged. He reads and watches television but when your voice cords are not engaged, it seems that that part of the body atrophies or something. It is a concern but then again, I'm sure there are many of you out there who are also going through the same thing....or not...

Anyway, I hope that all is well in your world today and that the sun will shine through wherever you are.

illness and expansion.....YES the two can go together

Wow. Did I get whacked. Been feeling WAY crummy the past few days. What started as a very sore throat morphed into a dry cough and extreme lethargy. So tired and out of it since Saturday. Keep trying to clear my ears so lots of popping and brain burping going on. Does anyone understand that one? Anyway, I am not feeling great but since I am committed to write daily I thought I should at least post something here.

Throughout this all however, there is still forward movement on the work or career or gift front. Heading over to the new location this afternoon to carve out a spot to do my readings. When I say carve out a spot, I mean just that. This new location is a beautiful "bazaar" type place with lots of amazing natural wood carved furniture, amazing bamboo and rattan AND some kind of strong leaf products so the energy is very VERY clean and grounded. Beautiful vibrant paintings all over the wall and wonderful world music playing in the background. I will be doing my thing in a corner of the bazaar and what I sit on and work at will change weekly. Great energies of the owner and employees of the place and I am being welcomed as a integral part of the whole experience. Sure wish I was feeling better but at least it is all coming together.

I have a new client coming on Thursday and I will share what THAT is all about later but suffice to say, it will be an amazing upward shift in my healing practice and one that could take me and him to the next level of the work. Blessings all around.

Another potential job opportunity has also been offered so lots of choices and changes on the horizon.

So other than feeling like a piece of "poop"...........how would that really feel???.......hmmmm, things are moving along in divine right time and order.

Blessings to you all.

hack, sputter, cough and forward movement

Well, the sore throat is gone - woohoo.........but now I'm hacking and coughing. Certainly feels like I caught something but at least this feels more natural. Had been sleeping quite well last night until some idiot starting to call me. The phone rang around 1:00 a.m. and then again at 2:00 a.m. Growl.........finally turned off the ringer. Tried to figure out who it was but couldn't retrieve the last number. What a pain in the butt.

I forgot to tell you all (it's funny but I do now feel that there are actually quite a lot of you reading this little musings of mine.....kind of like friends or something but I digress) that that place that I mentioned in the neighbourhood that had said that they would be interested in me coming in and doing my Soul Readings is a definite. In fact, yesterday the owner even told me that he doesn't want to receive any sort of cut from whatever I bring in. How cool is that? After my last place where she wanted everything including a cut of my tips, this is such a breath of fresh air. Jeff (thanks Big Guy) has a huge heart and is starting to get used to me dropping in daily to say Hi. I also brought another friend in to see the place yesterday and THEY have now developed a working relationship in that he is interested in having her perhaps help him organize his other location. Turns out that he is wanting to turn the first location (which is 2 blocks up the street from me on a MAIN street) into a more healing/holistic location so double woo hoo for me.

This is good news. Now of course I also got a call back from somewhere else that I had submitted a resume to. The original job was just as a receptionist in this beautiful urban spa by the waterfront but the owner called and she is now looking for someone to manage and supervise her group of practitioners. BEAUTIFUL spot in the heart of what I call YUPPIE ville with lots of money and young people who love to be pampered. In this location, I will not only have the chance to connect with a lot of people who will be in harmony with what I do on a spiritual level, but I will also have a beautiful room to do my vibrational healing out of.

I was talking with a friend yesterday about how it feels like we are moving in slow motion but now I realize that while it might look like not much of note is really moving forward, on a higher plane everything is just being readied for us to step into our fullest potential.

So coughing and hacking aside, it is a good day AND the sun is blazing through the window as I sit here. Going to go and sample a new healing chair that my friend from Toronto is investing in. I connected him with the fellow from Vancouver who has been trying to get it off the ground for 10 years. Enter Garth and POOF, the reality of it all is that this chair will be a part of the group of lifestyle healing centres that he is in the midst of bringing into reality. Another bit of networking on my part that is going to help not only others but also bring in some moolah for little old moi.

have a blessed day everyone.

the healing power of vino

So I get a job doing healthy exercise stuff and what do I get...........a really sore throat and a general sense of blah......what's up with that?

Finally feeling a bit better but it has been a very crummy few days. Had the worst sore throat since Thursday but after a number of glasses of wine am feeling WAY better. My buddy from Toronto, Garth, came into town last night and we just had the most lovely dinner at a wonderful Japanese place. The weather finally shifted and the sunset was beautiful. Too bad he lives ont he other side of the country but at the end of the day, we really enjoyed finally meeting each other.

We have been corresponding since last year and have become fast friends so to be able to sit across from each other and be able to chat face to face was great. Hopefully all this wine will whack this "whatever it is" out into space.

Heading to bed now and wish you all a good night.

Happy May Day

Well I certainly woke up feeling strange today. Upon talking with some other people though it seems like there is something in the air.........and it's not JUST pollen. Having trouble keeping my head up and have this HUGE urge to just jump right back into bed and I even went to the gym already which usually gets the blood pumping sufficiently so that any lethargy is quickly banished. But not today it seems.

Had a sore throat too which is not like me at all. Went and got some antihistimines which say they are non drowsy but all to no avail. Heavy energy all around. Trying to pretend that it is not happening but it is a challenge for sure.

And it is the first of May already. 1/3 of the year GONE.........POOF. Scary how quickly the days fly by. Remember when we were all young and we were always complaining because it took too long to get to the weekend or the summer holidays and then of course, when is school starting again because we got bored with all that free time. Oh to have all that time back but then again, that was then and this now. Suck it up............

Will try to come back and write something more uplifting but at least for those of you who do check here frequently, you know that I AM still alive and kicking...just not very hard.

Blessings