getting ready for a beautiful weekend

It is Friday and the day has dawned sunny and bright. Perfect for a long weekend. Not that I am much into long weekends as I do some work on Saturdays and usually Mondays but this weekend I only have Saturday to contend with and then I'm free until sometime Tuesday. No plans other than dancing on Saturday night...........woo hoo.......gotta love that. And if the weather continues to cooperate I am spending the day on Sunday at Wreck Beach.

For those of who don't know of Wreck Beach, it is the largest Nude Beach probably on the West Coast. Beautiful sand and no sign of humanity......just looking out on the ocean as we lean on our respective logs. Lots of music playing throughout the day, a soft and easy atmosphere and LOTS of sun. haven't been there much the past couple of years, firstly because last year I broke the bones in my foot and couldn't make it up and down the LONG trail to the beach. And this year, the weather has been so crummy that it just has not happened. But this weekend, I am there....smile

Was feeling rather out of it yesterday. Very tired and low energy. Whenever that occurs I tend to find myself dwelling on the past and in particular "you know who". I realized that his energy is like that..............slow and draining...........and as I sat in that uncomfortable energy I realized how much NOT like that my true energy is. Was quite an enlightening discovery for me. When I had been with him I would spiral down into HIS energy and think that we were a match. Glad that I have risen up out of that space. But I have to admit that it was quite a revelation. When I am in my own energy and moving forward there is no thought of the old BUT when I get into a lower based vibration, HE comes into my thoughts. Something to pay attention to for anyone who is attempting to disengage from a relationship that is going nowhere.

When is it that you feel the pull to the other? Is it when you are in alignment with you and your vibration? Or is it when you are feeling low and out of alignment? Pay attention.............lots of insight with this one. Hope it helps.

I'm up early so am going to get the gym part of the day out of the way and see if I can squeeze any beach time in today. Not that I am complaining but I have someone coming at 11:00 for a session. The next confirmed booking for the day is at 5:00 p.m. so perhaps sometime between 1 and 4 unless the other "possible" session gets off work early and then he will be here somewhere in between. Good to be busy and I need to remember this.

But, still the beach calls to me..........I love the SUN.....

And on another note, another friend of mine just received a visitor yesterday. The love of her life from when she was 17 years old just arrived for a 5 day visit. They have not seen each other in 30 YEARS and he is staying in her little TINY studio apartment. She is a major yogini and does not even own a table, nor chairs or a couch. Should be interesting on a number of levels. I just realized that she was going to come and get another pillow because she only has one of those too and she forgot. Again I say, should be interesting.

Have a good one.

Going through the Portal

Wow. It sure feels like I just came out the other side of ME. I likened it to going through a portal of some sort. Like we just moved into a whole other way of Being...or at least I feel the sensation as such.

In talking with others I find that many of us are now finally stepping into our fullest potential and honouring the transformation while in the midst of the transition. And it feels good. I have one friend who keeps calling me in tears because of how her life has finally settled in to a place where she feels safe, competent and loved. Welcome back to the world Susan....

And I too am feeling so much more in alignment with the true calling. The clients are starting to come back and new ones are finding me. I am spending lots of time with friends and family and there is a balance to my life. I am breathing easier and feeling content with my choices. My choices for me and me alone. Everyone else can deal with theirs and I will simply focus my attention on my own forward movement through this human existence somewhat like I explain on my blog and its purpose.

I sure hope that others are able to benefit in some small way through my words and thoughts and personal transitions. I feel that as we move out of our old out-moded ways of being it is own divine duty to assist others through theirs. Don't you think???

Anyway, just needed to say that. I am waiting for a dear client of mine who pops in and out of Vancouver throughout the year and always makes time for her Soul Reading. She loves spending time with me and I love having her come and share of her beautiful Soul.

Have a glorious day filled with Joy and Love and LOTS of laughter

Blessings

Busy Weekend

Good Morning everyone. What a busy weekend I ended up having. Felt like it was a week to celebrate as it started off with the publication of the poem, the phone was ringing and clients were lining up to do sessions with me and then it ended with a Psychic Salon at our lovely little hotel down the street.

I do have to acknowledge however that I am into the "group" reading events like I used to. Sitting in session after session, while it helps with the financial end of things, is not my favourite way to work with people. I have done this for years but, as you all know, I had been taking a sabbatical from all the "work" as I spent that time on my own work. Of course, when this opportunity presented itself I have to admit to being somewhat excited at getting OUT there again. Being out there with all that energy though is a rather draining exercise for me. The other "psychics" were also tired but, for me, that kind of tired is not in alignment with this little Soul's being.

I will do the occasional one over the next few months but I do know that it is not something I relish any longer. I have changed, as we all do during our journey, and while it IS a way to meet new people I don't think it is the way that I choose to market myself.

The work that I do is an intense kind of intuitive expression and I would rather just do my one on one work - a deeper kind of exploration. I know that the little readings at these gatherings do help the people who choose to work with me but I need to honour how my body responds to the energies that are generated. The clients get their burst of inspiration and then go out into there world to put the knowledge into practice with a higher quotient of light in their lives and this is a good thing. I have to acknowledge my own needs though and these events are just simply too draining for me.

I am looking forward to the sessions that are set for the coming week and THOSE are something that gives me energy rather than draining my reserves.

Taking my daughter to lunch this afternoon in honour of her 27th birthday and, since we don't get to spend much together, it will be a fun girlie kind of thing. Hoping that the sun stays shining and then perhaps we can just pick up something yummy and sit on the beach and chat.

Off to the gym right now though to work of this little body.

Blessings

Sunrise Solstice

I greeted the sun as she arose in the east this morning as I held space in that position. Not much into getting up at 4:00 a.m. but I did it today as I received an invitation to greet the sun on this Solstice morning. It was a beautiful thing as I sat in a circle made up of 24 Souls - 12 men and 12 women. Perfect balance of the male and female as we embraced our shadow sides within the Light of our Being.

As I sat in silence as the sun rose, the warmth of the sun bathed my body and my Soul. It has been a very amazing week for me. The clearing that I experienced last weekend, the publishing of a poem and the coming into my own Light has been a very special time for me. How will it affect the rest of my days, I have not a clue but the understanding that I am moving into a newness feels right.

The East welcomes in air that we breathe, the oneness of the One Breath, the connection to all that we are and all that I AM.

May the Light of the sun shine on you today. May the Light that you are illuminate all that you are. May the Light that you are act as a beacon to show you the way.

Blessings

coming into form.

Not much really going on today with me. Am working on another poem and I suppose that is a good thing. Interesting how it is all coming together.

In the past when I have started to write something, it just flows out and POOF, it is done. This time however, it seems the creative process is somewhat more start and stop. Some very good lines have already appeared on the page but it has not yet come into the final form. I think that the lesson here is that our lives come into their own in their own time like this particular poem.

Ever since I wrote the poem Fantasy World, the writing has shifted. Definitely coming from a deeper part of me. Not just spilling out of me like before, but slowly appearing as the energies shift.

I'll be sure to share it once it is finished.

Quiet night this evening.

Blessings

coming into a place of JOY

You know how we all have "bathroom" books. Most people have funny joke books. Or magazines to sit and peruse while we do our bathroom "thing". I, on the other hand try to keep something that that will make me pause (while I am forced to pause by doing the bathroom thing...smile) and think about life, love and the pursuit of happiness.

One such book of mine is a little book called "The Way to Love" by Anthony de Mello. The book is a book of meditations. Mr. De Mello has since passed on but this book is such a wonderful little gem that I continually am amazed at how much I get out of it each and every time I pick it up. One line in particular jumped out at me today and it was this...

NOW is the time to see that absolutely nothing outside of you can bring you lasting joy.

Sure, there are fleeting moments of joy and bliss but at the end of the day, you are on your own baby and THAT is what this is all about. After my weekend I have been really aware of how much of what I need comes from inside....I have just been so caught up in finding my pleasure and joy through the interaction with others that I forgot. I forgot to enjoy ME. Just me exactly as I am. Doesn't matter if I am feeling in a bad mood. Doesn't matter if I am questionning EVERYTHING. Doesn't matter if I am doing something that I don't want to be doing. I just have to get to a point where I can find joy in everything within me....all of me. Not just when I am doing my favourite things. Not when I look in the mirror and say "Hey, you look great". All the time I need to find it possible to experience JOY and that is it.

We are all responsible for our own sense of joy and wonder...like little kids do. I was watching this little kid at the beach the other day and he was starting to whine about there be nothing to do. He had already wandered down to the water's edge and filled his bucket. That was fun for him. He then hauled it back up to where his Mom was sitting and poured it into the sand. That was fun. He then put the wet sand back into the bucket and turned it upside down so he made "something" That too was fun. But now what? He had done everything he thought he could do and now he wanted MOM to make something else fun for him. She had been trying to entertain him like we all do with 3 year olds but now she just said. Look around. Look at you. What do you WANT to do now because we are going to be here a bit longer. At first he cried (as we all do when faced with just our own devices) and then he spotted a seagull. Grin. LOTS of those around.

So he decided to chase one. Of course it flew away when he got too close. He stopped and watched it fly away. But then there was the next one and he did the same thing. It too flew away. Hmm, you could see his little brain working. Another one and then another one and before you knew it his MOM was having to haul him back since it was time to go. He had a great time and did it on his own. And this is what I am wanting to say here.

We have to come to the place within ourselves where we can make and experience our own joy regardless of what it is we THINK we need to be happy and joyful. Regardless of the fact that we might think we NEED someone or some thing else to make us happy.

I found that I would get so completely bored with myself if I didn't have all these plans set in stone and of course, if those same plans were changed I would get very anxious. So now, especially after the weekend, I am feeling much more in sync with me and my own process.

I had wanted to get a few more hours at the fitness facility and poof, someone called and asked I could take her shift. Not a lot of hours but the Universe responded. I wanted more clients and since yesterday, I got 3 people who are desirous of having sessions. Not the exact number that I projected out there but still the Universe responded. I thought I should be doing more in my spiritual practice, and now will be holding one of the corners during a Solstice Sunrise ceremony on Friday morning. At first I hesitated because I have to be there at 4:45 a.m. but hey, I put it out there and the Universe once more responded.

Life is like that. If we put it out there it comes back. Perhaps not in the exact manner that we requested but we have to receive it when it does come.

And that is a thing of Joy.

May your day be full of joy and bliss.

Poems, psychic salons and moving forward

WELL, guess what? After writing about the weekend and all the clearing work that went on, I returned from the beach to find out that a poem that I wrote about you know who has just been published in an on line writers journal. And not only on line, but they also have a PRINT publication that I am now waiting to receive in my MAIL box. I am a tad excited.

I have a lot of stuff floating around out here in cyberspace but the thought of opening up a magazine or whatever it is and finding MY words in black and white that I can TOUCH makes me feel like a corner has been turned.

Do you see the divine synchronicity of it all?

The poem was written about him and is very full of pain and heartache but a REALLY GOOD poem came out of it. And the fact that I get the announcement that said poem is being published the day AFTER I spent a whole weekend clearing HIM is somewhat amazing. Ya gotta love the workings of the Universe.

So I guess it would make sense to let you read said poem here now that I keep talking about it so here goes. It is called Fantasy World...........grin.

Once more a mantle of sadness has descended upon me
More words with little meaning tugging at my heartstrings
I so wanted to believe those idle comments of yours
Pulling me
Urging me to believe that this time
For sure this time
It is real. You mean all of what you say

The words, the sentiments springing forth from those lips
The lips that I long to kiss
The face that I love to touch
The strong arms that I held on to
The same arms that held me in their loving embrace
For it is love that I feel from you
It is love that you show me with your eyes
With your lips
With all of your body

The laughter that we shared as we danced around my living room
The way we become like children
Sharing in some wonderful fantasy world
Our world
Our playground
Our love

I wish to remain immersed in that space
But then you are gone and I am alone
Until you return down the road knowing
I will open my arms once more
Open my heart
Give to you all my Love for it is YOU that I love

I hear your voice and my heart sings
I see your face and all the hurt seems to magically dissolve
This time I want to believe it will be different
This time you will mean what you say
This time you will love me for more than just those few short hours
This time you will stay forever
But it is not to be

A mantle of sadness has once more descended upon me

Sigh.............but don't worry I am not sad anymore. That poem was written back in December and much has happened since then. The mantle has lifted and I am more than ready to get on with my life. AND if anyone out there is a budding songwriter and would like to collaborate with me on turning this poem into a song, I would welcome your input.

Oh and one more thing, for any of you in the Vancouver area, I am part of a group that is hosting a Psychic Salon at the Sylvia Hotel by English Bay this coming Sunday (June 22) from noon to 6:00 p.m. Should be fun. You can get more information at www.soulcollective.ca

Blessings to you all.

Let the sun shine......

So it is done. I came out of the weekend feeling so much lighter. Had so much energy when I returned home and then went out for a bite to eat with a friend. Lots of laughs and feelings of bliss. Was it just a carry over from the release work? I don't know. What I do know is that I feel better.

The final clearing of the day involved gratitude for all the lessons that have come about through the relationship that I tried to build over the past two and a half years. While it was a challenge, I was able to feel love towards the experience, not worrying about how HE was responding, or should I say responded, and the love that came to the surface was for me. For me and all that I desired to get out of it all.

I can't even say that this morning, with the sun streaming through the window, that I miss him or what I had projected onto him. For it was all a projection. A projection from the depths of me onto another. I am looking forward to what else the work brings up for me and this is a good thing.

As the day progresses I am sure that much more will surface and I intend to let it come out as I lay on the beach and welcome the warmth of the sun to caress my body, my mind, my Soul.

Enjoy your day and allow all that you are to be enough for you are more than enough in this now moment - as am I.

Beautiful sunny day today

Finally..........the sun has returned. Still rather cool outside but the sun is shining and the sky is a beautiful blue. It is quiet outside as I am up early in preparation for the last day of my workshop. Yesterday was an exhausting one.

When I first arrived, I sat down in the main room as there was beautiful quiet music playing. I thought I would just sit in meditation for a while prior to joining with everyone else. Felt my body go into that wonderful peaceful flowing place and then, HIS face came into my sight. His smiling face that I was so in love with and the tears started to flow. That just about sums up most of the day for me. Lots of tears. Sometimes they just gently flowed from eyes and then later, as the work progressed, great sobs.

During these workshops, we spend a lot of time doing clearing work....clearing of old emotions towards others,but for me, most of the time was spent clearing my own thoughts and beliefs about me. Always hard to get going but when I allowed my head to get out of the way, LOTS came out or to the surface.

We had to talk about what we felt guilty about - in all areas - and then we wrap it all around and come back to the fact that we are all Souls and are innocent. I find that I have a hard time coming to grips with all that I was or perhaps still am and then accept me just that way. Like I said...it is hard. Now that I have honestly started to look deep within I feel very fragile. Wanting things I don't have and then feeling guilty for wanting them - generally people that don't really want me.......or a person who doesn't really want ME...all of me.

You would think (or at least I thought) that by this time in my life I would not still be putting myself into non loving positions with my self and others. This afternoon will be a huge part of the clearing process. Clearing HIM. This is the main reason that I am there today but I know it is much more than just that. God/Goddess I want to be clear and open for a whole and committed relationship to come in but, like it or not, it will not be happening until I am clear within. Sigh...........here we go again.

BUT, I am there and that is a good thing.

Enjoy this beautiful day.

Namaste

The power of healing in a place of security

The word healing has a lot of different connotations. For some it is recovering from an illness or injury. For others it means coming into a deeper understanding of their own psyches and this is where healing comes in for me.

I have healed physical ailments, not only for me but for others through my work but at the end of the day, it is all about being fully present in your life. I know that I have skirted around a lot of different healing opportunities throughout my life and, once more, I am at another crossroads. But the difference this time is that I am feeling more in control of my self. So much has transpired over the past couple of years that I am at the point where I am finally ready to step out of the old unwanted patterns of behaviour and start to tap more fully into my Soul.

Funny that I am writing this today as I had thought I WAS working with, or AS my Soul up to this point. I now realize that I have been much more involved in the human aspects of my journey as opposed to stepping fully into my own power to BE..........just to BE.

Today is the day too as the workshop starts later today. I have been questionning myself my entire life. Am I with the right person? Am I living in the right space? Am I doing my work? At the end of the day it had nothing to do with any of those questions. They were all just illusions that kept me from simply being who I AM....as a Soul. So now what?

First of all, I am now committing to ME. Not to the Me that I thought I was but to the ME that is calling to me these days. SHE is full of life and love and while I have been giving all of me to others most of my life, today I am going to start to just give to me. This is not a selfish thing. This is a most necessary part of my evolution. Funny how writing this brings all sorts of things to surface.

Why have I not been giving to me? Why do I insist on giving all of myself to others? And, more importantly, what happened to being unconditional in all of what I do. Someone at the gym this morning said that we are all conditional. Why is that? Is it that we are all wanting others to give to us that which we wish to find within? Perhaps - but I choose to believe that if I can start to think of me first, not in a selfish way, but as a Soul striving to be the best that I can be my life will shift in wonderfully positive ways. Feels good.

I was lamenting the fact the other day that I ask so many questions of myself that I don't just allow myself to flow through my days with a belief and trust that all is in Divine right time and order. Sheesh....it is hard. I know that when people say that we have to suffer I always say NO, that is not true. But it appears that we do bring that same suffering to ourselves with the choices we make. So making clear, conscious choices is the only way to go. Sometimes it takes a while to get to that place of clarity but if we keep making the right choices, the flow will be engaged and we can flow into the best place for us to be.........not so much a place outside ourselves but to a place WITHIN where it is all perfect. For as we know, it is ALL perfect in every moment anyway so we may as well just accept and allow for all that is coming to be able to land.....in a place that is a fertile ground for all the goodness that is available to take root and grow.

So here's to growing into the best that I can be and I wish this for you too.

Taking the first step

Well I realized FINALLY that for me to get the complete package, as I mentioned in my last post, I have to make some changes to what I am currently doing in my life.

I mean how can I allow in a complete and juicy committed relationship if I am persisting in keeping those in my life who are not in alignment with my deepest desires? So with that in mind I finally asked "you know who" to please stop contacting me. I only fall back into old traps whenever he does and it has to stop. Obviously it is not going to cease through his actions so I had to commit to me and my own growth and end it once and for all.

Yeah, yeah I know I have said this before but there is something within me this time that knows that with the workshop that I am embarking upon this weekend, if I don't commit to ME and my own growth, that juicy committed partnership that I seek will not ever arrive. Not to mention that with old energies still present in my life, there is no room for something beautiful and special to anchor in.

I have been saying for almost 2 years now that until I finally release my attachment to that OLD energy, there is simply NO room for another to come to me. Still, there seems to be some fear in actually opening up to something REAL. I hear myself telling others that I am unique and sounding proud of the fact. And while there is a part of me that enjoys being different, there is always this underlying fear that with my uniqueness it will block others from entering into my realm. Is this the truth or just my fear talking? And speaking of fear, what am I really afraid of? The questions never stop.

So the first step has been taken. There were no tears in the writing of the email. Yes, I did it by email. Didn't want to hear the voice. Don't want to see the face. Please let him understand that it has to end. I have to get on with my life and begin to move towards something that is in alignment with what it is that the Universe is calling me to do.

Plus since the topic of the workshop for this weekend is "Relationship as Spiritual Practice" it is most definitely time to get with the spirit of things. A smile is spreading across my face as I sit here writing this. I really do feel that it is time for Spirit to enter into my life again with the intensity that is was prior to becoming involved with "him".

And I must admit that this little job at the Ladies Fitness Facility is really fun and keeps me out of trouble.

Anyway, gotta go.....

Relationship as Spiritual Practice

I am getting ready to take a weekend workshop entitled "Relationship as Spiritual Practice". As you all know I have had my relationship challenges this past few years and am hopeful that with the work that I will be embarking upon this weekend, it will shift this aspect of my life.

Of course the most important relationship for me at this time is my relationship with ME. And that is where the problem has lain all the while. I spent an evening in a circle last night and I realized that my relationship with EVERY one from day one has been challenging. I am one of those people who can become very friendly with everyone right from the get go but unfortunately, that has proved problematic. I get right into it with people and I feel that they are also willing to dive right in too. But there are many people who are great with the surface stuff but to go deeper is where the door slams shut.

People respond to me and my energy very easily but the openness and honesty that I seek from others is obviously what I have been seeking from me. I feel that I am open and honest but perhaps with this coming weekend, I will discover where I still hold back.

Where is it within me that I am not fully committed to me? That is a question that was asked of someone in the circle last night and I had to sit up and pay attention. I started to ask myself the same question and I have not got the answer. The other question that was asked was this...

Do you truly believe that you are deserving of a complete and honest juicy relationship with another? This is what I am seeking. I have found the juicy aspect with many but it was never complete and honest. So that being said, what is it that I need to do to get the complete package? In all honesty, I now realize that I have not given ME to ME completely. There must be something that I hold back from even me and when I am completely honest with myself, I feel there is some aspect of myself that I am still feeling guilty or shameful about. I have my ideas as to what it is but to actually come out and speak about it here in this open forum is still hard for me to do. Perhaps after the weekend, I'll be more fully open to ME.

There is a fair amount of apprehension about this weekend though. Is it fear as to what I will discover? Is it fear about how it will all surface? I don't know but I am committed to finding out and that is a good start.

Have a joy filled juicy day..........smile

quiet stay at home kinda day

Well, I did end up going dancing and actually didn't get to bed until 3:00 a.m.....sheesh but boy did it feel good. Great music and had a lot fun. I guess I need to get out there again.

When last I posted, I had been feeling very low energy and knowing it was not a good thing. The rest of the weekend went great and I came out of it alive and feeling much more positive about a lot of things in my life. So it is a good thing.

It is already after 1:00 p.m. and I am still sitting here with wet hair from the shower so am thinking that perhaps it is to be a stay at home day. You know one of those days when you actually get things done. Think house-cleaning. You would think that living in a small apartment would not be a big deal when it comes to cleaning but it seems that it never looks dirty perse and so I just keep putting it off. Everyone who walks in talks about how it "feels" and they all love it. Oh well, excuses abound for not doing it so I am going to do it today. Cleaning out old stagnant energy will be one benefit so I am off to do the cleaning detail of Katrice's little casa.

Blessings

oops.....missed a day

Feeling of low energy today. The city is FULL of triatheletes and you can feel the energies swirling all around. Of course they are ALL in my part of the city because this is where the ocean, the park and the main events are all being held. Posters all over the city saying The West End welcomes the world. I am not feeling particularly welcoming though. Feel like staying low and having peace and quiet, yet still wanting to have people around.

Driving myself nuts actually. Sure wish I could figure ME out. Part of me wants to go out dancing because I love to dance and the other part of me wants to curl up in a ball and flick channels. Not good.

I like it WAY better when I am higher energy. But then again, I guess everyone does. I think I'll come back when the brain kicks back in.

Hope your weekend is going well.

Where is it that I am NOT available??

I have been sitting here thinking - with the rain pouring down AGAIN. Actually during my sleepless night I did some pondering as well. Not heavy or anything just coming to some realizations about the people that I bring in to my life.

With regards to a mate, I am very clear as to what it is that I am desirous of bringing in BUT, and here's a big one, it appears that the men that I REALLY connect with are not available to be with me and with me alone. So that brings the question "Where is it within myself that I am not available to me".

If I am really available I would attract someone else who is available to delve into a relationship with me. Not someone who has other women, or at least others that he seems to cater to. It is quite a dilemma. I just don't have the answer.

I did meet someone who I really liked and he appears to like me as well. But, and there's always a but these days, he is sharing a home with his - I am so amazed that this is happening to me - ex-wife. He assures me that they are not intimate but they get along and don't seem to mind sharing a home together. BUT, and here is the but, it is still her home too and there would be no way that I could ever go to his home. And in that, I would be held out of the loop so I wonder if I even want to go there with him at all. Disappointing to be sure.

We did have a good conversation yesterday about it all but I just don't really believe that this is true. We had very good chemistry and I can't imagine someone with that energy NOT being intimate with whatever women live in his home. It might just be because of you know and HIS situation that I am so very distrustful. I have to face it. This is not optimum for me at this time so I think I will just energetically let it all go. Let go and Let GOD.....

What am I thinking anyway?

CORINNA!!! - DON'T GROWL AT ME

I just keep wanting to go back into what I was used to. The partnership with a man. And when I think about the things I miss the most about being is sleeping alone. I miss sleeping next to someone.........sigh........sorry gang. I also miss the lazy sundays when you just let it all unfold slowly.

Uh-Oh!! I just realized that this has all been just a dream.

Did I even ever have that with the men in my life before, for any length of time. Am I really dreaming of some non existent figment of my imagination? Am I just shooting for the stars?

Yes, actually I guess I am...shooting for the stars that is.

Why can't we really put out there what would be the optimum for each of us.

Why can't we believe that this -whatever reality we desire -is attainable.

I still believe in happily ever after with a man who loves me for me and someone that I can't wait to see at the end of the day. I LOVE LOVE.............that's all there is.

And now back to the original question before I started off in this particular tirade.....where is it that I am not available to me?

I just realized it is within the heart that I am remiss in placing myself. That is where I forget to put myself. In my heart.

I need to love me FIRST - not just SAY it, but MEAN it, BE IT - as a single woman. Sigh.........

I am Love and that which I vibrate is the essence of Love. I will fill with this wondrous elixer and know that it IS real. This love that I feel is ME. It always has been. There is no need to look outside for the love and I shall continue to put love out there.

But I still miss sharing my bed. Good Grief!!

Groan.........

back up and running

Finally the internet is functioning properly. Turns out that when the electrician came to fix the connections for both the phone and the internet, they took off the "splicer" and didn't put it back. Plus my old modem did need some help so I just bought a new one. Not anywhere near as expensive as I thought it would be so it's all good.

Didn't sleep much last night. I think I fell asleep around 3 am or so and then was awake again at 5:30. Amazing that I am feeling o.k. but what a pain in the butt. Nothing going on in my head to keep me awake, just laying there waiting for sleep to come over me. It is just so weird. Checking in with the doctor later today though so hopefully something will happen to change this situation.

I'll write more later but should get cracking on my day.

Blessings everyone

sporadic internet connections and a DATE for Katrice

Still no internet connection. Well is has been sporadic but will be up and running by tomorrow and then you are all going to be getting a whole whack of blogs for your reading pleasure…..

The Universe has been responding to my elusive quest for “ahem” a nice date. I hesitate to get too caught up in all but I did have a wonderful date last night. Amazing man – nice, cultured, extremely articulate and really funny. I just plain and simple had a great time from the moment he opened the door to the restaurant himself and ushered me in to our meeting place. We were the only people in the restaurant and from the moment I sat down I had this warm fuzzy feeling. Couldn’t stop smiling the whole time.

And in keeping with my plan for the next man that I connected with a man, it will be a nice and slow getting to know you thing as he has a trip planned which will keep him away for the next 2 weeks. BUT a very good connection was established and he sent me a wonderful little email this morning expressing his thoughts on our meeting.

Supposedly he had seen my profile on one of those “argh” dating sites over a year ago but didn’t connect then. He did say during our time together that he wonders why he had not connected way back then but, of course, I’m sure the timing just was not right for us to meet then. But feels good……….very good ………….grin.

Feeling all giggly which is fun.

Deconstruction project Part Two

This is Part 2 of the Deconstruction project started by my painter.

She did arrange for an Electrician to come this morning at 8:00 a.m. and said she would be here to work with him. I was just heading out the door to get to the gym since I can’t do my regular internet thing and the phone rang. Thank Goddess I had not yet left (and I had planned to go early today) because she was calling to inform me that she could not find her car keys so I had to stay here to let him in. It is just one thing after another with her and it just amazes me.

I was actually heading out the door when she called. IF I had actually made it out the door, I would have come home to the same mess. And THAT would have got me going again. As it stands it is now after 8:00 a.m. and still no one is here. What is it with her?
Can you say frustration? But this morning I am feeling somewhat calmer.

I am realizing how much of my day is devoted to my internet connection but I already mentioned that didn’t I? In talking to many of my friends, this is the case with them as well. So much of our business these days is spent on line. It is what was called the wave of the future and now the future is here. Scary actually. What we had all looked way off in the distance is already right smack in our faces….all around us.

And still I wait. I told a gym buddy that I would be there early to catch up with her and of course now I am already 1 hour late. Yup, I am a little annoyed AGAIN.

I wonder if this painter/home deconstruction expert realizes what a train wreck she actually is. She wonders why I don’t give her name to people……..you know referrals. It is the same thing time and time again with her. She just seems to have this uncanny knack for F**king things up. People get angry at her ALWAYS. Clients are always arguing with her and it always ends up this way.

HEY, the electrician is now here so I gotta go.

Updates will follow I’m sure. If you are reading this, you all know that I am now reconnected to the world at large.

my home deconstruction project

I am slightly annoyed. At least it is only slightly now considering that since last night I have been without my phone AND my internet. And why is this you might wonder? It is all due to the fact that I decided to cleanse my energetic space and have my apartment painted. I chose to use a friend of mine and whenever I do this, I find that SOME thing goes awry.

This time she did a great job of painting my place. I was thrilled BUT when I went to plug the telephone wire into the wall, there was so much paint all over the face plate that the plug wouldn’t go in. She said we should poke and dig OUT the offending paint and THEN plug it all in…..ARGH. I said “Uh, not! But she insisted and when said plug was put into said wall outlet, NADA………the phone is working but I have no connection to a phone line.

EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE

And THEN she asked me where another phone jack was in the apartment. I had a feeling where this was going but still I said there is the one for the computer but what does that have to do with THIS connection. She wanted to check the plug into another jack because she is thinking that it has nothing to do with the blocked and NOW scraped to “crap” outlet. I asked her nicely NOT to do anything to the other jack but she was already on a roll and of course that one was also covered with paint……are you sensing where this is going? You betcha………. POOF……….successfully ruined my internet connection too.

It is not anything simple like a new little plug. I am now going to have to get the telephone company to do a house call and that will not be cheap. Anyway, we all know that things happen for a reason.

Any ideas here folks???

I am sure wondering why I persist in having relationships with people that irritate me so. And why do I keep giving her my business even though it becomes so stressful for me to have her around. There must be something about her that is within me but I have yet to get it.

Let’s see. We are both creative. Both attractive women in our 50’s. Single. We both tend to like working in an entrepreneurial arena with out a boss. Uh, wait a minute here. That could be one of the lessons here. Both of us do not like to have others telling us what to do nor when to do it. She is very bossy and opinionated. Am I like that? I just got another hit here. I was helping someone move the other day and I simply took over and tried to get things moving along faster than they would have had I not been there to take over. But I was thanked profusely for that “taking over” situation. I do not like to be pushed or forced to do anything against my will and this person (said Painter) always has a suggestion as to how I could do something differently regardless as to whether it is anything that would resonate with me.

Anyway I finally left and continued on to my scheduled meeting. The painter dudette has arranged for an electrician to come to my place in the morning and try to remedy the situation. Hopefully this will work…….in fact I’m sure it will but still there is no phone or internet for me today.

I do realize how much I depend on my connection to the internet. I spend a large amount of time both on line and at my computer. I know that tonight I will be writing more and you will be receiving it after the fact but at least the rest of the computer is working so the writing can be my focus for later.

Hmmmmmm, perhaps something good has come out of this.

Anyway, I’m now off to do my little fitness coaching job and I do admit to enjoying my time there. I’m chuckling as I realize that even though it is a JOB, I am in charge and everyone is looking to me to help so at the end of the day, it is the perfect job for me.

See Katrice smiling again.

NOTE TO SELF - Do NOT use this person for any more of my household beautification projects regardless of how cheap she is………You get what you pay for and like someone once said -

Nothing is free no matter what the small print says.

You always pay in the end……….groan……..

swirling around inthe chaos........wheeeeeeeeeee

Here I sit in my office.........the only safe place to be at the moment as I am having my apartment painted. What a mess? But then again, we have to get to those places of chaos to be able to get through the storm.........but oh how wonderful to get out of it...the storm that is.

But do we ever really get through the storm? Sometimes I wonder. He connected again but those of you who know of whom I speak, you are probably "well duh. did you really think he would just slink away?" There are parts of me that wish he would but it seems that we are not yet completely done. Oh the drama. Do I enjoy the drama? Must be a part of me that does or is it just that it has always been like this. Various bits of drama creeping into our daily lives.

And I know that I am NOT a drama queen.........no, really I am not. I seek a quiet place within and am always hopeful that it will extend into my outer world. Is that true? I would like to think so but then again, our thoughts rule our world so if there is still drama there, perhaps it is a necessary part of the journey. Do I consciously seek out the drama? Is there a part of me that is comfortable with it? It sure is easier for me to move through it now for sure but God/Goddess knows that I do seek a quiet place with a "little" excitement...but without drama. Is it possible I say again?

One of my friends feels it is the juice that I seek. You know? - that spark that ignites a deeper part of our psyches where we feel the life force flowing unhindered. I have to admit that the juice gives my life a jolt so if that is true, then perhaps it is not a quiet place that I seek but a place where the life force flows quicker with more sparks that the average human. Is that it? Is there a part of me that really does not want life to flow smoothly? Do I crave the juice? Scary!!

I guess I need to acknowledge that it is true that I like the ups and downs. I feel alive with them but is there not a way to have the ups and downs but in balance. Balance!! There is a word for the masses. How to stay balanced amidst the chaos that I seem to seek? and then again do I actually seek the chaos?

You guessed it. Lots of questions swirling around today. Think I 'll just go for a walk in the park and breathe.

smile.............