Taking the first step

Well I realized FINALLY that for me to get the complete package, as I mentioned in my last post, I have to make some changes to what I am currently doing in my life.

I mean how can I allow in a complete and juicy committed relationship if I am persisting in keeping those in my life who are not in alignment with my deepest desires? So with that in mind I finally asked "you know who" to please stop contacting me. I only fall back into old traps whenever he does and it has to stop. Obviously it is not going to cease through his actions so I had to commit to me and my own growth and end it once and for all.

Yeah, yeah I know I have said this before but there is something within me this time that knows that with the workshop that I am embarking upon this weekend, if I don't commit to ME and my own growth, that juicy committed partnership that I seek will not ever arrive. Not to mention that with old energies still present in my life, there is no room for something beautiful and special to anchor in.

I have been saying for almost 2 years now that until I finally release my attachment to that OLD energy, there is simply NO room for another to come to me. Still, there seems to be some fear in actually opening up to something REAL. I hear myself telling others that I am unique and sounding proud of the fact. And while there is a part of me that enjoys being different, there is always this underlying fear that with my uniqueness it will block others from entering into my realm. Is this the truth or just my fear talking? And speaking of fear, what am I really afraid of? The questions never stop.

So the first step has been taken. There were no tears in the writing of the email. Yes, I did it by email. Didn't want to hear the voice. Don't want to see the face. Please let him understand that it has to end. I have to get on with my life and begin to move towards something that is in alignment with what it is that the Universe is calling me to do.

Plus since the topic of the workshop for this weekend is "Relationship as Spiritual Practice" it is most definitely time to get with the spirit of things. A smile is spreading across my face as I sit here writing this. I really do feel that it is time for Spirit to enter into my life again with the intensity that is was prior to becoming involved with "him".

And I must admit that this little job at the Ladies Fitness Facility is really fun and keeps me out of trouble.

Anyway, gotta go.....