acknowledging truths.........even those we would rather hide from

Hmmmmmmmmmm. that was odd. The past two weeks that is. I came to very harsh understandings about my little ole self though and it is all good. Not the revelations about myself that are so good but at least acknowledging them is a step in the right direction. And now on to moving through this next phase which will be something else for sure.

Even sitting here I am not able to fully share what has transpired. The main jist of it all is - if we attract that which we need to grow AND what we attract is a reflection of who and what we are, any of the attributes of the other person with which we are not in harmony are parts of ourself with which we are also not in harmony. SO I now understand why I keep bringing in the same type of man.

I had been thinking it has only been the past 2 "relationships" but now I realize that most of the men that I engaged in relationship with over the course of the past almost 40 years shared some similar energy. This little two week thing hit me really hard with it so I guess that must mean that I am now ready to acknowledge these shadow parts of me that are apparently guiding my life and have been doing so for many MANY years. WHEW................

Funny that I have no tears about this but I really do think that who I AM at the core of my Being will rise up to take the reins and lead me further down the path.........the Path that I had been trodding until I fell victim to ME...........

I will admit to being a tad nervous because tonight at my circle I am, for the first time ever, going to let them know that I want to work on this or, should I say, these issues. Almost feels like going to a first AA meeting or something like that. How would someone feel who was going to go and admit to something that they had been trying to hide from themself for most of their adult life? How do I feel? Not too sure but I'm sure a LOT of feelings will rise to the surface as I speak my truth in a circle of others who also speak their truths, their hurts, their angers....all of those emotions that hold us captive.

I feel blessed. From this moment on, it IS the beginning of a new life.....REALLY!!! It has to be because the one that I have been leading has left much of me out of it and I am ready to finally get back in.

Namaste