As the day draws ever nearer to my week long retreat departure, I am feeling great bouts of anxiety. The knowing that it is a huge part of my spiritual and emotional growth, coupled with the bouts of anxiety are making me rather ungrounded. Wanting it to be over before it even starts is not a good thing, or at least I am feeling judgemental about my thoughts around the whole thing.
It has cost me a lot of money to do the work so far and this retreat will be the culmination of 8 months of work. I feel that I could be working it harder but there is a part of me that is simply wishing that I had not committed. It is the little girl full of fear for sure who is reacting but the woman in the here and now is also fearful. What will come out of it? Will it unearth sensations that I have been holding at bay for ever? Lots of thinking going on and yet, nothing concrete to anchor into.
Thank God that I have my work to do with others because that is the thing that keeps me going on day by day. A sense of gratitude just washed over me and as I sit here writing, I realize that as with everything else on the journey so far, I chose it. And that means going to the retreat is a conscious choice on my part so it would be a good idea if I simply owned it.......my life that is.
My man has been out of town for almost a week now and I am missing him. He too is voicing the same feelings as he calls from points afar. Coming home tomorrow so am very much looking forward to talking, connecting and just settling in to the safety that I feel with him. I remember when I used to first see him on the street in my neighbourhood, I would walk the other way. In my eyes he looked like a "bad ass" and I just didn't want to go there. But as I have come to learn, while there are issues from his past that resonated with that same "bad" energy, he is a good man and looking forward to embarking on a journey of two Souls with me. And that in itself is hard for me to accept. It has been a long time since I actually felt that someone (think a male) really wanted to explore all the possilities with me that I want to explore with another. There have been other wonderful men who have voiced this same desire with me, but until this one, I had not felt that connection that resonates on all levels with me.
Anyway, a client is soon to arrive so I shall put on my healer cap and step into the highest essence that is me. Hmmmmmmm, perhaps I should just stay there. Life sure would be easier.
Blessings and Much love to all
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment