Welcome to Spring

...or at least it is starting to feel like Spring here in Vancouver. I was wandering around this afternoon and came upon the most magnificent Magnolia in full bloom. AMAZING....some of the blooms must have been 6 inches across. A huge tree and everyone was stopping to gave in awe at this incredible beauty... Made me stop and take a deep breath. Even made me slow my pace down a bit so that I could stroll without feeling hurried. Seems that I do that when walking. I always walk fast with a sense that I have to hurry. Why do I do that?



Sometimes it is because I like to work out and when moving (walking for instance) I seem to want it to "mean" something - like I can burn some extra calories by walking faster. Other times it feels like I am trying to run away from something and at the end of the day it is only me that I am attempting to gain distance from. Bummer eh? Trying to get away from your own Self seems rather futile doesn't it? I mean it is times like these when I need to realize that I have me to contend with and like or not, I am NOT going away. Sigh.....



Going to a Buddhist event tonight at a place called the Shamballa Centre with my daughter in law. She has been meditating daily and getting in touch with herself and it is nice that we can do something of a higher nature together. I am looking forward to being in the silence with other like minded Souls. Finding myself going to a lot of different circles and gatherings these days of a spiritual nature. Used to do this a lot way back when but then I started to host my own gatherings and stopped going to others. And of course that brings me to one of the reasons that I am having such a hard time of late.



I have not been having much luck in filling my classes or circles for almost a year now. Didn't want to have to look hard at this fact but suffice to say, I feel that it is time to step back from this work for a while and just "work" on me for a change. As we all know - We teach best that which we need to learn - so I guess it is time for me to start paying attention to all that I share with others and turn the light upon my own journey. And what is this light showing me?



Well, sadly it is showing me that I need to take a good hard look at not only my work, as it has been for the past 10 years, but also the people that I am surrounding myself with. I have some wonderful supportive friends and for them I am tryly grateful. But, I also have a lot of energies around me that drag me down and make it harder and harder for me to wish to connect with anyone. Hard when you are a social person and Spirit is trying to get you to spend time in solitary pursuits - getting clear on this one being - ME - instead of spreading me all around and not receiving all that I can.



Oh well, welcome to Spring. Spring cleaning of a different sort methinks. Now where did I put that dustpan???