Relationship as Spiritual Practice

I am getting ready to take a weekend workshop entitled "Relationship as Spiritual Practice". As you all know I have had my relationship challenges this past few years and am hopeful that with the work that I will be embarking upon this weekend, it will shift this aspect of my life.

Of course the most important relationship for me at this time is my relationship with ME. And that is where the problem has lain all the while. I spent an evening in a circle last night and I realized that my relationship with EVERY one from day one has been challenging. I am one of those people who can become very friendly with everyone right from the get go but unfortunately, that has proved problematic. I get right into it with people and I feel that they are also willing to dive right in too. But there are many people who are great with the surface stuff but to go deeper is where the door slams shut.

People respond to me and my energy very easily but the openness and honesty that I seek from others is obviously what I have been seeking from me. I feel that I am open and honest but perhaps with this coming weekend, I will discover where I still hold back.

Where is it within me that I am not fully committed to me? That is a question that was asked of someone in the circle last night and I had to sit up and pay attention. I started to ask myself the same question and I have not got the answer. The other question that was asked was this...

Do you truly believe that you are deserving of a complete and honest juicy relationship with another? This is what I am seeking. I have found the juicy aspect with many but it was never complete and honest. So that being said, what is it that I need to do to get the complete package? In all honesty, I now realize that I have not given ME to ME completely. There must be something that I hold back from even me and when I am completely honest with myself, I feel there is some aspect of myself that I am still feeling guilty or shameful about. I have my ideas as to what it is but to actually come out and speak about it here in this open forum is still hard for me to do. Perhaps after the weekend, I'll be more fully open to ME.

There is a fair amount of apprehension about this weekend though. Is it fear as to what I will discover? Is it fear about how it will all surface? I don't know but I am committed to finding out and that is a good start.

Have a joy filled juicy day..........smile