Finally..........the sun has returned. Still rather cool outside but the sun is shining and the sky is a beautiful blue. It is quiet outside as I am up early in preparation for the last day of my workshop. Yesterday was an exhausting one.
When I first arrived, I sat down in the main room as there was beautiful quiet music playing. I thought I would just sit in meditation for a while prior to joining with everyone else. Felt my body go into that wonderful peaceful flowing place and then, HIS face came into my sight. His smiling face that I was so in love with and the tears started to flow. That just about sums up most of the day for me. Lots of tears. Sometimes they just gently flowed from eyes and then later, as the work progressed, great sobs.
During these workshops, we spend a lot of time doing clearing work....clearing of old emotions towards others,but for me, most of the time was spent clearing my own thoughts and beliefs about me. Always hard to get going but when I allowed my head to get out of the way, LOTS came out or to the surface.
We had to talk about what we felt guilty about - in all areas - and then we wrap it all around and come back to the fact that we are all Souls and are innocent. I find that I have a hard time coming to grips with all that I was or perhaps still am and then accept me just that way. Like I said...it is hard. Now that I have honestly started to look deep within I feel very fragile. Wanting things I don't have and then feeling guilty for wanting them - generally people that don't really want me.......or a person who doesn't really want ME...all of me.
You would think (or at least I thought) that by this time in my life I would not still be putting myself into non loving positions with my self and others. This afternoon will be a huge part of the clearing process. Clearing HIM. This is the main reason that I am there today but I know it is much more than just that. God/Goddess I want to be clear and open for a whole and committed relationship to come in but, like it or not, it will not be happening until I am clear within. Sigh...........here we go again.
BUT, I am there and that is a good thing.
Enjoy this beautiful day.
Namaste
Sunday, June 15, 2008
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