trying to feel the rightness in the situation.....

I had a pretty relaxed weekend if I don't count all the anger that is being directed at me by an old friend. It just seems that nothing I can say will allow her to let go of some pretty intense and on going anger that she must have been feeling towards me for years. But it is also having a bearing on my relationship with my kids and that is the hardest part for me to handle.

I mean I have been having a lot of problems with my daughter for the past few years and I am now realizing that a lot of her continual anger towards me is in some way connected to the anger that is also coming to me from this old friend of mine. My daughter spent a lot of time with this woman because she was the girlfriend of my daughter's father. And of course as we all know my kids Dad passed away last january so this will be the first Christmas without their father and, consequently, for my friend, the first Christmas without her beloved. Of course it is tense for them all but it just seems that nothing that I can say or do will allow either of them to let go of their anger towards ME. That old adage "let go and let God" is something I am going to have to try and work with because it just seems that whether I am trying to explain myself through the written word or the spoken one, nothing comes out the way they want it to.

There are times in our lives that no matter what our intention or wishes are, life just moves in its own direction and we have to let it go. I wish I could just say "Hey I love you" and have that be enough but it doesn't appear to be that way. I want to be able to offer some assistance but I now realize that if I keep trying to make things "right" I will drive a bigger wedge between me and my offspring.

So the question now is......can I just trust that things will work out? Can I step back and just allow the anger that they are feeling to run its course? Will things ever be smooth sailing for my daughter? Will my friend ever be able to forgive me for whatever it is that she is angry with me about?

I am here and there is nothing I can do about that but sometimes I feel like they both wish it was me that had died and that is a harsh thing to even consider. I know that my Son still loves me but again, his girlfriend is very close to both both my daughter and their Dad's girlfriend. It feels awful to know that they are talking about ME and ragging on about how I AM which does not jive with what they all are.

I guess I just have to let it all unfold in divine order. I do know that I want to have a wonderful nurturing relationship with both of these young women (my daughter and my son's soon to be wife) and this is what I am projecting out to the Universe. Trying to make things better does not seem to be going in my favour at the moment so I just have to step back and allow things to run their own course. hard when you are someone who always to make things "right".

Sometimes what may appear to be out of whack is in perfect alignment with where it is meant to be. I am going to attempt to allow it to be right for now even though in my little head, I would rather things be different from what they are.

At the energy of Christmas............ALWAYS brings things to the surface.

On a brighter note however, Mr. Man and I had a great time this weekend. At least that part of my life seems to be moving in a positive forward direction...........smile

Blessings to you all