Swirling emotions

Today turned out to be a beautiful Spring like day after the wind died down or perhaps the wind is what made it the day that it was. So fresh out there and that is exactly what I needed.

Got rather emotional during one of the exercises in the course today. Found myself crying and not being able to stop. The tears just started to come and I even had to leave the room for a while and hide out in a cubicle in the washroom

The main problem was, or at least I think it was, that I am feeling those pangs of lonliness again. And it is not lonliness for a partner but the lonliness for family and friends and a support network that I truly feel that I can share and be myself with.........even when I am having a bad day.

Seems that I have a hard time sharing myself with many people and one of my main "sharing partners" is moving out of the downtown core and I know that I will miss her smiling face as I just know that when people leave this part of town, it is harder and harder to come down this way. Another friend is also considering moving and since I only have a couple of people that I do share myself with, this will leave me relatively alone.....all the time. But for today, I was grieving the loss of my son's companionship.

We used to spend a lot of time together, sometimes sharing meals 3 times a week. I miss that a LOT. I realize thast it is unreasonable to expect us to share that much time together but since he returned to Vancouver a couple of years ago, and moved in with his girlfriend I can count on one hand the times we have spent together sharing and laughing. She has a problem with him spending much time with me and of course since he loves her, he is not wanting to rock the boat. But I am feeling very left out of his life and that hurts a lot. He is getting married in the Fall and I so want to know what is happening with him and how he is really doing. I miss our sharings and to that end I did leave him a message today and asked him to call me.

And he did..........which is great. We are now going to have brunch on Saturday and hopefully we can come up with an arrangement that doesn't rock the boat with the fiance and allows me to see him on a more regular basis. I am going to suggest one night or afternoon a month to share a meal and gab. Is that too much to ask for? I don't really. How is it with other woman and their grown sons? I don't know but I do know that for me, I need more time with my kids that I have been getting.

My daughter and I are on a more even keel though and I thank the Gods for that.

Anyway, off to make dinner and prepare for a meditation circle.

Blessings to you all.