Today is a special day.......

Today is a special day. It’s not any particular holiday or anything like that but it is special simply because I have decided it shall be.

I have just come out of a couple of intense months and had a mini meltdown the past few days. I sit here smiling though because it seems that I have to have some sort of crisis for me to actually be able to sit and write. It is the coming out the other side THIS time however WITHOUT much writing throughout it all that makes this day special.

The need for a lifestyle change is so strong that I can not ignore it anymore. That was what the meltdown was all about anyway, now that I think about it. I know that my life is entering a completely new phase (I just turned 57 and the reality of how close argh…old age is….. has walloped me), one that includes me getting out in the real world with everyone else and making some kind of a living doing……..SOME thing.

The past few weeks I have been looking at the job opportunities that are always out there in cyberspace. If it feels like a possibility, then I simply fire off a cover letter with my resume and let it go. And today I saw a position out in the real world that I could see me doing and doing it well. PLUS it is the same kind of thing that I did way back when prior to embarking on my journey these past 20 years. Anyway, regardless of whether or not I get it, it was the excitement that the possibility generated.

I want to be out there doing something. I realize that I have not exactly been sitting on my butt doing nothing for 20 years. I have done tons of workshops, classes, weekly meditation circles, special events, private parties and many many private readings and healings……..TONS OF THINGS. Unfortunately, for me, I have a hard time promoting me and my spiritual gifts, not to mention I give so many sessions away or charge a ridiculously low amount……sigh. Anyway, time to get serious and knowing that I will never be one to charge exorbitant rates for my work, I have decided to get a 3d job but one that resonates with all of me. This feeling of excitement about the prospect is what is getting my attention.

You see, I have always thought that I didn’t want to work……as in a 9-5 job. But now here I sit, realizing that if I had not been so pigheaded I would be retired right now with a great pension, doing what I love to do and not even caring if I got paid for it. Oh well, shoulda woulda coulda..

And that thought was one of the many that were rushing around in my head the past few months causing me such angst. I am in the midst of writing a poem called “Actively Seeking” about moving forward with love and joy in my step instead of being fearful of what lies ahead. For me it is all about taking charge of my life instead of waiting around for others to do it for me…..one of my life’s lessons.

And part of my lesson is also manifesting in the man who is in my life these days. He is of the old school and WANTS to be the GUY and take care of his WOMAN and the thought of me having to go out and work is making him feel bad. Sheesh………interesting state of affairs. Now I have someone who is professing to want to “look after me” and I am saying

"Hey back off. I can do it myself."

I am feeling so liberated. And I know that I am not ready to be co-habitating with this man. There are still things that I am not so sure about but I can still have fun with him doing what we do. But at the end of the day....or in the morning.......giggle.....he can always go to his house. It seems to be working for us right now so tonight I am going to tell him not to be thinking about it for now.

So that's it for today..........this special Tuesday...........

I hope that some of my special-ness washed over you today.

Blessings to you all.