New Years Eve

So it's here!  The end of the year 2012.  Someone asked me the other day "What was the biggest lesson you learned in 2012?"  I thought "where to begin."  And then I realized that while many things had occurred in my life this past year that were perhaps "less than stellar", I could not put my finger on the one biggest lesson learned.  So now here I sit on New Years Eve pondering this very question.

And at the end of the day, it is a very good question to be pondering prior to setting any intentions for the coming year of 2013.  I look at the "13" in the coming year and wonder......hmmmmm, but then again I have been indulging in some vampiric "novels" of late for brain relief. 

In any event, I had decided weeks ago that I would like to spend New Year's Eve celebrating ME.  Not that I've done anything incredible but simply that I chose to step out of the old world and take a leap of faith that I would survive.

And yes, I have survived.  I also realized that I do indeed have some pretty good friends who have helped me out considerably since the "shift", as I like to call it.  Just prepared and shared a totally awesome New Year's Eve dinner prepared by me.  The housemate said she wanted a certain meal and voila - lucky for her - I was in the mood to create something wonderful.  I felt that this dinner was some sort of gift to all of us who currently share this home.

I have so much that I plan on writing this evening and it fills me with joy.  I realized today that never in my life have I moved in ANYWHERE, on my own.  I have most definitely lived on my own but always when a move occurred I would have either been moving in with roommates or with a boyfriend/husband.  In four days I will be moving in to a housesit situation on my own and I am really looking forward to the solitude. 

Will be in a much more urban area with lots of "alternative" types wandering around and am wondering how that is going to feel for me.  My last city home had a different demographic so will be interesting to see how it feels wandering around the new "hood".  And I do love wandering around.  A few years ago I had a friend that I called my "wandering around friend" because it seemed that the only time we spent together was when we both had errands to run and would walk around for hours going to one shop after another.  But now I'm rambling.....

So, back to lessons learned.....

For me it seems to have been a lesson in learning to trust in the messages from my heart instead of listening to my "ego" or human self.  I think back to various situations where I distinctly remember saying "this doesn't FEEL right" yet still, I went ahead and did it.  From now on I will listen with my heart, not with my head, as what I think I need isn't generally what is right for my heart and soul.  Funny how that works eh?

So what did you learn from this year of 2012?  Let's hope it will serve you in good stead in the years to come.  I am certainly intending this coming year of 2013 to be as wonderful as I can create it.

Blessings to you all on this turning of the year.

Namaste

 

Snow and other random thoughts

Hmmmmmm....for a while out there it was a winter wonderland with the snow falling...then rain....then more snow.......then sun.......then sun AND snow.  Looks like Mother Nature is having a hard time choosing which way to go today.  Sounds a tad like some of the people I know of late, myself included.  Of course the madhouse that is the Christmas season is upon many as they rush from one store to the other frantically looking for gifts.  But not for this lady this year.  Nor for many others too from the sounds of it.

So I have to admit that I love getting presents and there are times when I love looking for presents.  I was the type of person who just didn't get any old thing at the drugstore.  I would have a number of possibilities written down for everyone on my list and, while I am not like others I know who have gift boxes full of presents all ready for the season, I tended to like to do it in the last few weeks leading up to the big day.  So for me this year, the stress is gone. 

My housemates and I have decorated the living room and it is lovely.  We also have "xmas" in the bathroom, the kitchen, lights strung outside and in our respective bedrooms so it looks and feels great.  As my housemate says "I'm all about the tree and the food".   And that is what our Christmas will be all about.  We all like to cook and the only problematic area will be WHO gets to COOK the turkey.  I AM famous for my stuffing so that might win me points. 

She did mention perhaps doing a ham as well but to me, that is plain excessive.  There will only be 4 of us here for dinner and we all know that a Turkey dinner is always excessive in its own right.  I suggested we could always do another dinner on New Years Eve day and THAT could be when we do a ham.  Anyway, I am hoping that I (the MOM figure in this whole living situation) will win the right to do Christmas dinner or at least the bird and stuffing. 

I am chuckling here as I think of all the people who try to get OUT of making the dinner and here I am worrying that I WON'T get to.  There is still this huge part of me that is such a Suzy Homemaker in disguise.  Go figure.

And I am moving closer to the city on January 5th for a two month stint housesitting.  The space is the main floor of an old refurbished Victorian home.  I hadn't realized how much it resembles the very first space that I rented when I first moved into the big city.  And this realization brings another smile to my face this day.

Funny how I have been moving here and moving there since leaving the "man" back in August yet I feel very grounded, not antsy like I would have a few short years ago.

And I will sign off rather abruptly as my housemate won't stop babbling and, what can I say, we do this on a regular basis so off I go......

Have a good one.........unless you decide otherwise.

On dealing with the horrors that we see daily

Boy oh boy, did that energetic shift, we all just went through, push some over the edge.  The horror that is currently roaring around all over the internet, with respect to the elementary school shooting this morning, has everyone connecting on a very deep level.  We are all feeling the effects of that lone gunman and his rampage.  So much despair for such a young man.  What is the world coming to we all say.....again.

I know that I have been severely tested this past year but, luckily for me, I am moving away from my own despair and feeling stronger for it.  Again I say, I am SO lucky.  I am able to express my pain through words and with the help of others who are also going through their own brand of crap.  And this is what we all need to be doing these days.  Sharing our fears and pain with others if only for the blessing of having someone to bounce things off of.  It is not so much that we are looking for solutions through the efforts of others but more so through our own intuition and our own truths.

We are all being guided to sift through our beliefs about what our world is all about.  Our own trials are interconnected with those of others the world over and as such, our trials are mirroring those of many other Souls in every part of the world.  We need to be diligent in dealing with our lives in a way that is aligned with love and compassion for others, not fear and disgust as so many are doing.

Remember to take time daily to be in gratitude for all the gifts you are bestowed with - the small and the large.  The simple things in life - family, friends, the beauty of nature, life in general.  Of course there are many who are hurting in a very real way and it is up to those of us who are managing to move forward, to be there for those who are having a harder time.  We have others who are there for us when we reach out so it is time for payback.  We have to be there for another in times of need, knowing that we will receive all we need when in our own more trying times.

For today, I am intending to stay in my own truth, believing in the goodness of my fellow man/woman.  I will not allow distrust to taint my view of reality.  Today is a good day and I choose to stay in that mindset.

May your lessons boost you to the next level of consciousness.  I send you all love and blessings on your journey.

Namaste.

just blabbing away here this evening

You know what?  I see all these people are looking at this ongoing monologue I have going on here yet no one ever says Hi.  Is that par for the course when you are a blogger.  I really have no idea.  I'd like you to say HI..........SMILE

For the longest time I didn't want to write about ME and MY life as I thought "Why bother?   Who really cares?".  Then I realized that I just wanted to write and you never know what can come out of a personal blog or diary or journal.  One of my blogs is destined to become a real book and I have no doubt in my mind that it won't simply because I have bought books like the one I am visualizing and this feels good.

This blog, however, does appear to be just me and my thoughts, which, in essence, is what "musings" is all about.  Every person has at least ONE story they could write, if they were motivated to do so.  I know that once I get started, there will be no stopping me.  I have come to the point in my life where if I do nothing else with my day, I HAVE to write something.   And I just realized that I have already started.

I have to admit that it really is a pain in the butt that I have to think of ways to make money as I just want to write all day - and go to the gym, wander around out in nature, listen to good music and eat yummy food.  Not much else - pretty simple life really...  But the money I have right now will not last as long as me, that's for sure, so on to the how to survive in the long run.

I have always been of the mind that the Universe would provide and to this point, there has never been a problem.  I am getting older and don't really envision some Prince Charming is going to come along on his trusty white steed and rescue me OR, perhaps, whisk me away on his yacht....or something.   And think about....this DOES happen to some people BUT, at the end of the day, I definitely do NOT need rescuing so I guess it is a moot point.

But, first things first...I need to find my own space from which to move forward.  My housemate doesn't even know if SHE is going to live in her home and is in the midst of her "life" so there is even more impetus to move forward.  Actually getting kind of excited about a new space, all on my own again.  And of course, since I have next to nothing in the way of household materials, I guess a shopping expedition will be coming up soon.  And we are not just talking about a new vase or something.  I have nothing.

I have a dear friend who LOVES to shop and she, for one, is very excited about going shopping to furnish my new space - whenever it appears.  We are talking about a bed, living room furniture, dining room, office desk, EVERYTHING for a kitchen.......yikes, could be costly.  But a fresh start for sure.

Bought a new laptop today as I have been using my housemate's PC for the past month or so.  So I can now be mobile.  Not that that has ever been a desire of mine as I do love to have an "office" space to write in but I do see tons of people in coffee shops sitting with their laptops "writing".  Oh well, guess I have to get into the 21st century one of these days

Anyway, enough nattering away here.  Have a joyous evening wherever you are.

Blessings to you all.

Life as ME

Had a nice conversation with my son this afternoon.  Didn't really know how he would respond because, according to my daughter in law, he just doesn't want to talk to me either.  Luckily that is not the case and he is determined to get these fences mended once they return from Europe.  I even suggested that we could all so to see "someone" who could referee the whole thing.  You know - someone to keep us all on track and talking ONE at a time, ensuring that we are clear with what the other is saying and allowing us ALL to voice our feelings around the whole "saga".

At the moment, my son is fine with this being nice and not getting into any "difficult" conversations and that is fine with me.  I know that we will have to address his issues one of these days, but he is either unable or refuses to do so at this time.  And my daughter in law has her very real issues as to the relationship that I have always had with my son, which she is doggedly trying to demolish....go figure and to think that it was ME who introduced HER to HIM...........some divine friggin' karmic payback at play here me thinks.  At least this makes me smile today as opposed to dissolving in tears for a couple of days.

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH ME?  Don't worry that is MY question and you don't have to worry yourself about it at all.  I know what I need to do and am in the process of getting into a forward thinking state of mind once more.

I just realized that not only has this mother/son drama been going on for a number of years (with a HUGE escalation 4 months ago), but my father passed away 3 months ago and I left a long term relationship...........hmmmmm, perhaps I need to relax and stop trying to make everything right.   Major life transition happening again.  Yes, again.

I used to like to say that I was already into my 4th "life" this time around because I have changed courses quite dramatically a few times over the years.  Twice I have willingly released homes, cars, furniture - my worldly possessions as it were - to embark on a new way of being, a new chapter in my life.   This last time I was refused access to some of my stuff and again, have had to let it go.  I seem to do fine with each transition, as a new part of me surfaces every time, but I always thought that by the time I reached my current age that I would be settled in something that would endure the tests of time.  And obviously once more I am looking out at the horizon, not yet seeing the shore.

Any other time I have decided to alter my course, I had a game plan.  I thought about it, I planned for it and I ensured that I would land in my new world with the least disruption as possible, ensuring that the people in my life (i.e. husbands, children, partner) would also be fine.  This time, not so much.

A part of me still wants to go over to my old place and demand MY STUFF and then I stop!  Not a good idea.  Angry man who still thinks his "baby" is coming home awaits.  So again, let it go - harder this time as it was not my choice and that is not true.  Sure I didn't choose to leave most of my stuff with said angry man but I did choose to leave HIM.  So according to him I forfeit whatever I brought into the relationship that he has become attached to.  Little things, ME things, special things that don't mean much to him other than the fact that they DO mean something to me.

All my Christmas decorations, odds and sods for sure but mine, all the same, are there too and I'm sure that this is also having an effect.  I went to a friend's house for dinner last night and we decorated her tree.  Felt very family and I realized that I must be special to her for her to have me assist in this yearly tradition of hers.   Remember that this year, for me there will be no kids or granddaughter here at Christmas (they are all going to Europe - not together but with their respective partners),  no partner as we are not a couple anymore,  no parents as the last one just passed.  As I sit and write this I think that perhaps this might be O.K. after all.  Certainly a lot less stress for me and a chance to simply reflect on what the season is supposed to be about after all, instead of all the stress it unfortunately creates.

I had a blog post started the other day that I never did finish detailing how "blogging saved my life" and that is so true.   When I go through my own little trials in "hell", writing about it seems to bring it into clarity and I can think rationally about it all.  Working it out through the words is so much better than trying to figure out all the other parts of the equation, especially when other humans are part of it same equation.

So it is getting late and I am getting hungry.  I have no idea where my housemates are at the moment but I think I'll start to make dinner and see who wanders up the stairs.

Thanks for listening.  It helps............

Have a great evening and may joy and love fill your heart at this special time of year.

Hugz

Family dramas

And on and on it goes.  Had finally set up some time to talk with my daughter in law but instead she sent me a rather scathing email and said she hasn't got time to "waste on me" during this time of joy and celebration.  OUCH.  After she had said she wanted to get together and talk.  She set the day and time and said I couldn't come to their home nor would she come to mine.  So we set up a location for mid way from their home to mine.   I had been preparing myself for her rant and meditated upon on being in a place of unconditional love and acceptance for her pain.  I admit I was anxious knowing that she would be her nasty self, all the while, hoping that she would open herself to a new relationship with me but who knows now.   Part of me realizes that she just wants to continue hurting me by refusing to talk about what our issues are.  And I think the part that bothers me the most is that I really think she has some mental issues at play as I have never had so much anger and hatred directed at me EVER.   Yet when we spoke of getting together two weeks ago, she was all loving and laughter saying how much she looked forward to us getting together.   Yesterday I finally let the tears come as the frustration is so, well, frustrating.

Plus I have a granddaughter growing up who I have not seen for 4 months now.  She is now talking and running around but she has no idea that she has another grandmother wanting to play and laugh with her.  And of course my son is caught in the middle of it all and has said that his wife has forbidden him to bring her to see me.  So now I wonder how he is doing within this mess that they are all blaming ME for.  Such a sad state of affairs.  And to top things off Christmas is coming but it will definitely not be a merry,merry family time for me.  They are heading to Europe for 7 weeks next Tuesday so it will be at least another two months before anything happens, if even then.

And unfortunately, for me, I am stuck in limbo, not able to move forward nor move back.  I know that this too shall pass but in the midst of it all it simply sucks.  I want to get on with my life but have this awful energy swirling around and just can't seem to get going on anything.

At least I had already known that there would be no presents this year with them leaving on Tuesday and my daughter and her fiance, who live in Calgary, also leaving the following week for Europe.  Money is an issue too so while we will put up a tree and decorate, it will not be the sort of Christmas that I wish it to be.  Am so very grateful to be living in a house with other people because if I had had to be all alone this year, I don't know what I would have done with myself.  It is scary but a challenge I guess I have to move through knowing that I do have a very real mood disorder which can rear its ugly head if I don't stay focussed.

But then again, perhaps it will all allow me to really put a game plan in place for the new year.  What I wish to do for work, where I wish to live as this current home was never meant to be permanent and how I will move through it all.  How I wish life were not as it is.  How I wish I could pull up my boot straps and get on with it.....life that is.

Anyway, the rains have let up and the gym calls to me.

And on and on it goes........

Energetically speaking

So for the past couple of days I have been feeling......how to put this......OFF!  Yeah, that about sums it up.  If you have ever worked with energy you know that if the connections are not fully engaged say, in your home wiring, the lights will not work or the heat won't come on, until the wiring is firing on all cylinders.  And that's about how I was feeling.  I felt as if my circuits are getting re-wired.   I appear to be at the mid point of a work in progress and I wish to move through this next channel...so to speak.  

I realize that I use the expression "so to speak" and perhaps I should reconsider as it really is just a phrase which isn't  necessary and, aspiring writer that I am, I am well aware of another phrase which is "less is more".  And I understand totally BUT when I am writing on this blog, it feels as if I am talking to you and when I say "so to speak" there are also hand and body gestures that would add to the whole dialogue....at least in my humble opinion.  Zoom.....off on a tagent I went.  When my original intent, as I sat down to write was to speak of the recent state of me...energetically.

There is a lot of stress within my new abode.  And while I myself am definitely not stressed, I can't seem to shake off this energy which I realize is not mine.  There is this wonderful weekly "energy report" that I go to once in a while to see what he has to say.  Well today, as is usually the case, I found myself going "O.K. I get it" and for the rest of the day I have been settling in to my rightful energy.

I happen to be one of those people who like to "understand" things, especially when I find myself feeling out of sorts and wondering what's happening to make me feel like this.   I am making a conscious effort daily to tap in with myself and just let my thoughts free flow.  I find it very cleansing as I let it go.  Other than a couple of thoughts of the future which had me coming into a place of fear and doubt, the intensity of these energies far surpassed how I was being affected.

My housemate is going through what another friend calls "the dark night of my own crap".  At times it does feel like her Soul has gone into hiding, waiting for the crap to clear.  Anyway usually we talk about what is happening at some point in the day but for a couple of days it was just too much for her to share.  The silence doesn't bother me as I understand that when things are out of whack in your life, sometimes you just don't want to talk so I have given her space and room to deal in her own way.

However ENERGETICALLY I have been dodging the energy as it hangs heavy in the air.   So I can understand what has been happening.   But THEN, after going to the energy report guy, I realized that there is a Full Moon lunar eclipse on Wednesday and I have been further activated by the energies of this full moon.

And now not only do I understand my own thoughts, I already understand my receptivity to the energies of others and, now I understand that this energy has all been amplified by the upcoming Full Moon.  And for some odd reason, I feel SO much better.

I sit here chuckling to myself............"Yeah, it's not my fault".  Can you say LITTLE KID HERE, wanting to prove that I didn't do it.....whatever IT was.

Never mind that last part.

Have a great evening or day or morning wherever you are....

Namaste

Welcoming the Future

So Arthur wasn't home.......only those of you who regularly read my words know of what I speak....sort of like a club or something.  And she would have come to calls from Moi today, if ANY day, as I went to the local "psychic fair" to check out the locals.

They all seem to be the same,wherever you go unless you have ever gone to one of those HUGE psychic fairs in convention centres.  Way too much energy for me, that's for sure.  Anyway, today was not like that at all.  Simply the "heritage" hall with tables of spiritual based wares for sale, about 8 readers/psychics/palm readers and a couple of people doing Reiki.  

When I found out about it, I decided to go to the "fair" to check out the psychic/healer/spiritual community and knew that I'd find someone there with which to resonate.  One woman was standing next to a sign welcoming people into the community once a week for a coffee get together at a local coffee shop to share ideas and generally connect with those of like mind and energy.  This woman is indeed a part of this group and since another woman had mentioned this group, actually two women at different times mentioned this group, I realized that this is why I went there today.

I very rarely have readings from others but would have been open to that as well if someone resonated with me but that wasn't the case.  I very much liked the energy of the group connection woman and will be checking them out this coming week.

I must admit that people out here in Rural Ville are much more open and welcoming of someone new into the neighbourhood than in the big city.  AND, they like to hug which automatically makes you feel like you are safe with "family".  When I had returned to the city after a rather lengthy absence, upon sharing that I am an Intuitive healer and reader, I found that people felt that they were in some big competition with me and made it ever so difficult to work.  Finally got to the point where I made sure  to figure out the receptivity level of whoever I was meeting prior to sharing too much.  Out here, I  am just who I am and so far, it feels pretty good.

I also got a couple of contacts from a friend of mine who moved away about 3 years ago.  She used to do work with this person and since she is about 20 minutes away from where I currently am, it would be good to get something happening on the work front.

So all in all made a couple of really good connections today.  Am finding more and more places for me to visit where I feel welcomed and at ease.  I had been giving myself a bad time for not getting out there faster but then I realized that I just moved here 26 days ago - I mean REALLY??  That's not even a whole month.

So, in my world, and this IS my world, I am probably right on track.  I gave myself a six month window to figure out where I REALLY want to be living and while, it is very quiet and friendly out here, I know that the city is calling to me on a daily basis.   It isn't even that I went out all that often when I lived there but the energy is what draws me in.  And now that I am on my own and completely single again I just feel the city is more in alignment with who I "think" I AM.  And I just realized something.....

Maybe that's it.  Maybe I SHOULD be out here in Rural Ville.  Maybe this IS more ME.  At this time of the year I will admit that this feels good.......quiet and lots of trees.  It rains a lot so being in a warm cozy home is a perfect place to sit and write which is my main focus these days.  Now the test will come once the weather gets nicer.  I loved the park and the beaches of my old neighbourhood.  I could walk everywhere and here you have to DRIVE to get anything.

Anyway, this is all a moot point as I am here now and where I will be 6 months from now will present itself to me when the time is right.  I'm just remaining open to all possibilities.  I do know that I would rather live in a house when I do return to the city and that will not happen in the old neighbourhood.  Was at an area that I am considering yesterday so just need to put some feelers out to see what's available.

Actually moving forward, if only in my mind and that is where it all starts anyway.  Just need to get the heart and Spirit connecting on a daily basis and between all these various parts of me the future will be revealed as it arrives.

Works for me.

Have a good night.

VERY long distance calls

I just put down the phone after thinking I should call my Mother.  The thing is that she passed away some 30 years ago so why, today, did I have the urge to call.

Now, with my Fathers passing 3 months ago I would think it would be quite normal for one to think of calling as they had done for - well - forever and then they are gone.  But perhaps Mom has some information to share with ME and it is possible that a meditation is called for.....to connect with HER.  For some of you dear readers this could sound rather bizarre but remember I am an Intuitive Healer and Reader so connecting with those in other dimensions is not so very strange at all.

I remember one other time, YEARS ago when A Psychic told me that my Mother was wanted me to call her.  I laughed and told her "well, that's interesting because she died".  Without batting an eye she told me to go to her burial spot and start a conversation.  As this was near the start of my spiritual quest, I thought why not give it a shot?  I had not had any urges to connect prior to this date so figured it must be time.

However, when my Mom passed away, my Father and I were not speaking much and he, on his own, spread her ashes, never telling me where.  By this time though, we were speaking again so I called him and the request went something like this.

"Hi Dad...how are you?"
"Oh good and you?"
"Same ole same ole.  Hey by the way, where did you "throw" Mom?"
"WHAT???" he said as I could hear him choking on his coffee.  "Where did that come from and why do you want to know?"

For most families I would think that everyone would know where to go and pay their respects but as you probably surmised, my family wasn't most families.   So I told him that a Psychic said that I should go and have a conversation with her.  He burst out laughing.  I told him to laugh all he wanted but would he please tell me where she was.  This was his answer.

"Well, you know she loved to walk the Sea Wall so I picked a spot at 3rd beach and just let her go."

Well the Sea Wall of which I speak is about 7 KM around and the beach is huge.  I asked him to be more specific.  He grumpily just said "Oh, for Pete's sake I can't remember.  If you feel the urge to go and commune with your Mom, I'm sure you'll find her."  And then he hung up.

O.K. so now I knew where "approximately" Mom was and since my oldest friend lived in the general area at the time, I called her and told her my plan.  She too scoffed at the idea but said sure, let's go for a walk and you can talk to "Arthur".  My friend had known my Mom for ever and her pet name for Mom was always Arthur.  I think it pertained to this really weird guy in school but I'm not sure.  Anyway, we arranged to get together the following Sunday and I would commune with the Spirits....smile

To say I felt like an idiot wandering out to the middle of the beach, on a cold blustery day in October, would be an understatement but out I went.  Found a log and sat down.  My friend and another woman waited up on the wall while I did, as they thought, "weird Katrice stuff".  So there I sat.  Now what I do I thought and then I just said "So I understand you wanted to talk with me Mom...here I AM".

At that precise moment there was a young guy wandering along the seawall with a boom box and he turned it on.  The LOUDEST music started to blare and I heard my Mom yell, clear as a bell, "Turn that GAWD awful racket down"........and he did.  I mean as soon as I "heard" Mom yell, the guy on the seawall turned it off and continued on his way.

I laughed and said "nice entrance" and then I had a conversation with Mom.  I felt her energetically and it just felt like the most natural thing in the world to be doing.  It was actually quite cathartic and when it was done, it was done.  I walked back up to my waiting friends and they asked how it was.  We continued our walk and I shared what the experience was like for me and then my friend, the one who called Mom "Arthur" said the following.

"Hey Katrice.  The weirdest thing happened when you were down doing whatever you were doing.  Did you hear that guy with the boom box?"

"Who wouldn't?"

She continued....."well I swear I heard Arthur yell "TURN THAT GAWD AWFUL RACKET DOWN".  Remember when she would do that to us when we were kids in your room?"

I burst into tears.  WOW, she really was there.  Strange but true.  Perhaps she is waiting to continue that conversation from about 20 years ago.  Now that would be interesting.

So without any further ado I think I'll go give "Arthur" a ring.

Have an awesome day.

Rainy Saturdays......they're not ALL bad...

Heard a voice a short while ago say "Hey, Katrice.  Look out the window."  It has been raining hard all day but in that moment, as I lifted my head, the sun was shining on the tops of the trees behind our home.  There are evergreens out there but it was all the trees with their bare branches reaching upwards that were displaying the most beautiful surreal light.  It was if they were all being bathed in the light of the Divine.

I jumped up and ran to the living room and then over to the kitchen and each view was more beautiful than the next.  We have a little 100 year old church across the street and the very top of the steeple was shining too and the rest of the sky had that beautiful peach colour that a setting sun loves to show us.  Ahhhhh, it was beautiful.

Just finished my inspirational column during the light display outside and now, here I am sharing a different part of me.  I have people who, after reading the inspirational offerings that I share daily, are astounded that both this blog and the other column come from the same being...that would be ME...grin.  I always knew that there was more than one being inhabiting my body and being able to see it for myself, if only through the thoughts and words that come to me, feels good.

Now some would say "uh oh.....multiple personality disorder!!"  I personally do not believe this to be true for it is all my many parts that make me the unique being that I AM.  I will however freely admit that there have been times when I was so very confused as to who I really was.

I would find myself standing in my living room or the bedroom and wonder whose home I was living in.  Those were the times when I realized that I was not living the life I was meant to be living and before long, BIG changes would occur.  Not unlike the most recent shift for me - Losing a parent, distancing myself from a partner, seeking a new place to live, all the while going "Hey, what happened?"  But I have come out the other side and know exactly what happened.

I woke up and realized that I had been trying to pretend that all was right in my world and, in my heart and Soul, I knew life wasn't right.  Much had to shift and while these past few months were extremely hard for me to plough through, I have landed in a wonderful quiet space and this is food for my Soul.  Now some would look at the outside of the house I live in and be a bit concerned as it is definitely NOT a show home and not somewhere most who know me would think of somewhere I would live.  They have only to come through the front door however, to simply FEEL the warmth and peace that our home reflects.  This feels like ME.  And I am at peace within all the changes that have led me here.

Tomorrow my son is going to come out here and we are going to celebrate his birthday which was this past week.  He will not bring my granddaughter to see me which definitely sucks as I am the "cool" grandma - or perhaps that is why.  In any event, it will be the first time I have had a chance to be with him, on  his own, since his LAST birthday.  I am so looking forward to hearing how his life is going as he has been so distant this past couple of years.

Someone said to me a year or so ago that I needed to reposition myself in his life.  I was more than willing to do so but I never dreamed that I would have to wait for months to see him.  At least it doesn't cause me as much pain as it has in the past but then again, I have had more than enough angst in my life without worrying about what his issues are at this time with me.

As you can probably sense, I am not one to hide my feelings and do not like things to go unsaid.  When something bothers me I feel it is in everyone's best interest to clear out negative issues so that they don't go on to fester, in the end, making things WAY worse than they need to be.  He, and his wife, are the complete opposite.  They would rather NOT say anything than get things out in the open. 

On the few occasions that they have shared with me, it usually entails them talking TO me and then I am not given an opportunity to speak.  They TELL me what the issue is and that is that.  No discussion...NOTHING.  So frustrating for me being as how I have lots to share on said topics.

BUT not tomorrow.  I am hoping that he shares some of what he is up to, brings me some pictures of my granddaughter as I have not seen her for almost 4 months and opens up to his Mom once more.

Well I have been sitting here writing for the past couple of hours and I think it is now time to forage for dinner.

Have a wonderful evening.

Moving from here to there

My energy is returning and it feels good.  Finally really starting to sense the forward motion in my life.  The writing has become a part of my day - everyday.  While I find that I might not post on this blog daily, there are not many days that I do miss this part of me and my world.

Have been much busier and that too feels good.  Had been way too insular the past couple of years, so, to be finally getting out and about meeting and connecting with people again is food for my Soul.  And going to the gym regularly again feels so in sync with me and my need for physical activity.  I like working on my physical body aka spiritual vehicle.  Being attuned to my body assists in all the rest of the activities within which I find myself from day to day.

Am also handing out my card more.  It is good to note that the impression people are getting from my new cards is "Wow, is this ever nice."  There is both a softness and strength in the visuals and the few words that have been used convey easily what it is that I am all about.  Nice too that I am really comfortable sharing what it is that I do FINALLY.

I realize that there had always been a hesitancy in telling people of my special "gifts".  I think I thought that it scared people or something and it was true that many energetically backed away out of fear.  Perhaps my own insecurity in talking to certain people about my world was reflected in their own insecurities.  One way or the other, that is not the way of things at this time.

I realize that the healing gifts with which I have been bestowed are just that - a Gift - and not only to me but to those who feel the calling towards my own particular brand of healing.  Many more people are into "otherworldly" pursuits and to these people, my world is exciting and they want to hear more of what I AM and what it is that I do.  But there are still people who would brand me as a witch and wish to burn me at the stake.  And it was those people around whom I felt uncomfortable.

I see these same gifts and more in my daughter.  She is simply utilizing these within her daily rounds.  I do notice that she now has a couple of decks of divination decks (think Tarot but not...) and her and a couple of her friends do readings for one another.  As a matter of fact, this year at our Canadian Thanksgiving dinner held at my place, everyone present ended up both giving and receiving readings.  Quite amazing actually.  Probably the BEST Thanksgiving ever for all concerned.  Unfortunate that my son and his wife didn't attend but they seem to be part of the population who think of burning me at the stake of late so may as well let that one go..........grin.

And another shift of note is the beginning of this Wellness business I have found myself in.  I am really stoked about it all.  For years, people have tried to get me to sell one thing or another but I just never felt a strong enough connection to anything until this company came to me.  I find that daily it just easily pops into conversation AND, even better still, people are very interested and want to know more, to experience the products.  So that is another big piece of this shift of late.  I now have another wonderful little tool to throw into my Intuitive Tool Kit and it enhances that which I already offer.

So feeling pretty good with my lot in life at the moment.  Even though there are still some areas that need tweaking, those areas are not holding me hostage and messing with my "chi".  I have such a strong focus on moving forward that the idea of standing still doesn't even remotely enter my consciousness.  I am ready for this next stage of my life and am so grateful to have moved out of where I was residing, both physically and mentally, to a bright new day, full of promise and joy.

And I think I will leave it at that.

Have a good evening.

On Being Conscious

It's another WET day on the West Coast.  While I love it here, there are times, like now, when it seems to have been raining for days on end and it gets rather drab....energy-wise that is.

When I find myself all warm and cozy in the house on days such as these, it becomes a definite chore to actually go out into it all and fight traffic everywhere.  You would think that living here, out in RuralVille, traffic wouldn't be a problem but that is definitely NOT the case.  If I am not back  by 3:00 my commute time doubles.  And everything moves so slowly, like a herd of something moving as a 4 lane pack.  Sigh...........

But I am back home so chalk it up to learning to pay attention when my housemate, who has lived out here for 3 years, says "gotta go between 11:00 am and get back here by 2:00 p.m. or you're hooped".  I didn't really think she meant EVERY day.

Hmmmm, I appear to be feeling somewhat tense.  I handled a pressing problem and it worked out better than anticipated so yeah for me, which is the main reason I had to go out there in the first place.  But this seems bigger than that.

Of course I did do a very conscious workout today which entails visualizing each muscle and/or muscle group one particular set of exercise relates to.  Certainly keeps me aware of each and every move I make and breath I take.  Now that I actually verbalized that to myself right here, I'm sure that this is not tension...oh no.  This is simply my back saying "Hey, that wasn't fair"....smile

It sure felt good though.  So much of a workout is spent thinking about other things while our bodies go through the motions, which means that YOU are not as connected to your body as you would like.  I visualize my body and "see" it moving like lines of light connecting one part to the other and watching it move in response to the motion I am going through.  I was fully conscious of both the in breath and the out breath - and the path the breath travelled from the in to the out and back again.  Best workout I have had in months.  I think I was kind of missing the old gym and the old gang that worked out at the same time as I did.  So now that I worked as hard as I did today, I doubt I'll be missing anyone PLUS the equipment here is WAY nicer.

I'm meeting with said gym buddies tomorrow for brunch.  Will be nice to catch up.  I know that mostly they will want to hear what I am doing since I was the one that intrigued them all, not being the way of the norm.  So lots to share with them all.

Not exactly a golden Muse kinda post, but what the heck, now you all know that the rains are relentless here and I will be a tad sore tomorrow........you know.....conscious workout......smile

Have a good one.

Solid connections

Had a lovely catch up brunch with a friend this afternoon.  Wandered around her neighbourhood and generally had a yack fest.  She had just finished a shamanic experience this weekend in a 30 foot long house and was downloading so that was interesting.

To look at her, you wouldn't generally picture her as a tribal traditional ceremony type of person.  She is hard to pigeon-hole as a "type", which is probably why I enjoy spending time with her.  She had originally come to me for a reading years ago and then started to be part of my "group" meditation circles.  She used to say she was part of my "Guru-pees" which I found humorous.  My meditation circles are not like most meditations but then again, that would be boring if we all facilitated our circles in the same manner.  All I know is that they work and that is why people keep coming back.

Anyway, listening to her talk about her experience this weekend made me think of the ways that I practice my "own" traditions and ceremonies.  I am not much into a set format for any part of my life but I do have certain traditions I guess.  Not too rigid by any stretch of the imagination but things that get me into a higher place within.

I'm sure there are those of you out there who also have a spiritual practice that works for you.  Many find that they need to be in a group situation to gain knowledge.  And while I love to lead groups, I am not one to go to other groups to foster my connection to Spirit.  Mostly I just sit quietly and "wait" for whatever inspiration is forthcoming, in any given moment.  Take my other "blog" for instance.....

I guess you could call the writing on that blog a part of my spiritual practice as that is the time when I am most connected to Spirit during my days.  I also find it strong when in the midst of my healing or intuitive sessions.  But to say that I sit in meditation for extended periods would be a falsehood.

There are many who know me that think I DO meditate regularly and they also think of me as very spiritual.  I don't really think of myself as THAT spiritual but I do have a strong connection to that higher part of me, just not 24 hours a day.  I have friends who do religiously meditate every day, sometimes twice a day.  I try to attend the "spiritual" gatherings that they attend but I never actually feel a part of the group.  I guess I am meant to do my practice in a solitary manner.

But still it is nice to share with others their spirituality.  It gives us all a solid ground to connect to.

So here's to connecting on solid ground.

Blessings to you all

Pushes in the right direction...

A funny thing has happened to me.  Well, perhaps not exactly funny but I do find the humour in it all.

Since moving out to this rural area, I have been finding myself staying home WAY more.  I'm sure it is, in actuality, a blessing as I have been writing on a daily basis which is a first.  Sure I have had times in my life when I have written but to do it in the manner that I now do is great.  I have set times of a couple of hours in the morning before I do anything else and this is all good.  So why oh why am I giving myself such a hard time for not getting out in the world, when all I keep saying is "I want to write."  I'm doing what I want to do so - well you can see the humour in it all.

Someone said to the me the other that I am too hard on myself and I know this to be true.  For most of my life I have found myself asking myself "is what I am doing now the right thing?"  ALWAYS asking the same question regardless of what was going on in my world.

I concern myself with what others may think of me and the way I live my life which is SUCH a complete waste of time.  And so now here I am...writing daily and for the first time ever I feel like this is the PERFECT thing for me to be doing.

Rhetorical question here...........Why are we, as a race, so hard on ourselves?  Doesn't really make any sense at all since life here in 3D is hard enough without us getting on "US" for every single thing.

Swift change of subject here but it will probably wander back to the original thought or perhaps I'm just rambling.  We'll see.   I have actually started to listen to motivational audio programs since deciding to do something different with my life.  The work that I have been doing for the past twenty or so years involves ME motivating and inspiring others so it is nice that I have found something that can motivate ME towards something new and potentially exciting.  This new venture will also weave in magically with what I already do so while there is excitement at something new, there is also a concern that I will let it drop when it gets tough hence, outside motivational assistance required.

It does feel good as I sit here putting it all down on paper (so to speak) and I think a pat on the back is in order for me BY me.  I'm writing daily which serves many purposes in my life, not the least of which is I get to listen to ME talk to me while I impart potential assistance to others.  It's a win/win situation to be sure.  AND I am starting along another path - a big change and one that will most definitely change my life.  While I have been hesitant to do something like this, there is such a strong sense inside me that this is right.  It is forcing me to step out of my comfort zone and expand my life.

When you think about it, I had been hiding, even while out in the world - aka the big city - and where I had lived for years.  Now, while I feel like I am perhaps hiding out here in Ruralville, I now realize that this is what has propelled me to finally be following my passions and in the process find a new success that I hadn't even dreamed of yet.  Perhaps my dream is coming TO ME - to hurry me along.  I know that I also want to have published a couple of books in the next couple of years so this staying home and writing REALLY is the ONLY way that this is going to happen.

So thanks Universe.  I'll be paying more attention in the future.

Here's to pushes in the right direction.  Feels good.

Greetings fellow humans......

WELLLLLLLLLL, a whole new whack of readers found me today and wouldn't you know it, nothing of any note whatsoever to be read.  But they did find me and perhaps they will come back and read what I generally write about, which is just my day to day comings and goings, sort of like today.

It is absolutely beautiful out there today.  But cold for sure.  The poor dogs water was frozen in their dishes this morning much to their chagrin.  While I usually bond really well with dogs, these ones are a tad out of control, so much so that if I want to go outside in the back or on the deck, I have to a) decide if it is important for my clothes to stay Clean??? or b) am I going to deke them into thinking I am going to go and throw a ball in the yard, OFF the deck thereby allowing me to sit out there.   Duke and Daisy are their names and they are quite the pair.  Big, full of energy and VERY friendly to the point that this huge monster will try to climb into my arms.  Kinda overwhelming.  But I digress...

We were discussing the weather.  I went to the gym this morning and all the while I kept thinking...are you nuts??  It is gorgeous out there but I do like the workout and had decided that I would get outside after lunch yet, here I sit, writing, which is what a writer is supposed to do but.......Whaaaaaaa, it's sunny...frowny face.

But I also realize that I LIKE to write about what is going on.  It is almost like therapy for ME.  I just realized that a diary is like that....and perhaps while we all call this venue of expression a BLOG these days, it could really act as one's diary, like in days of old where we are free to express ourselves without judgement, unless of course it comes from inside - and THAT is the worst sort of judgment.
(I will save a discourse on "judgment of self" for another day.)

I had a meeting with a woman who has introduced me to a cult......JUST KIDDING...smile...  She has "shared" with me some amazing wellness products and I have found myself actually wanting to work with these products, as I can "feel" the energy that they possess.  There will, however, be the need for me to get OUT in the world again with the express purpose of meeting people, which I have not felt the urge to do for quite some time.

I had always been a very social person but for the past few years I found myself getting more solitary and rather enjoying the solitude, the time to be with me and me alone, me and my thoughts.  However, I kept hearing this voice in my head saying "O.K. so what do you WANT to do".  I had lots of different answers to that one.  They went something like this.

I would like to attract a larger client base within which to do my healing work, thereby assisting more and more people through my work.

I would like to expand my sphere of influence out in the world by sharing my own unique perspective on life and how we can be MORE than what we currently find ourselves to BE.

I just noticed that instead of prefacing those last two sentences with I WANT, I had gently suggested that I would like.  I'll continue...

I want to make more money.  And that entails putting more effort into the manifestation of said money...acknowledged!

I want to be leading groups again.

So these products and company are assisting TONS of people, they are coming at life from the heart, honouring their connection to a higher power/source AND I genuinely like the people I have already met.  Just feel like they are friends and will be there forever.  Amazing........There is a direct connection to all of what I am desiring to do with my life so I am going to go with it.  It means reading lots of material, studying, meetings, talking, talking, talking and generally letting my natural energy flow once more.

For those of you who have your own businesses, you know the combination of excitement and terror that accompany the beginning stages.  I'm at that stage but this is something that I have always stayed away from, or at least the concept - one that others have been trying to tell me I should do forever.  And I must admit I had always thought if I find a product, something that I can use and benefit from, get excited about the healing properties of, and "simply share" my experience with others, THAT would be something I could work with.

The terror part is not really there as I figure I've got nothing to lose and the possibilities are endless.  I'm up for the challenge and methinks that working with a team is exactly what I need to push me to the other side.....of ME.

Have a great day and thanks for stopping by!

Just Musing....

Sooooooooo, it's been a few days now so I am not pleased with myself......for not writing that is.  Well, I have been writing, just not here.

My other blog is inspirational in nature and the words that I write THERE come from a much higher space than I generally reside in and, to be perfectly honest, when writing in that genre, the words just flow and it seems effortless.  However, writing as just little ole ME tends to be a bigger challenge.

This blog was simply a way to diarize my regular human thoughts on a daily basis which I thought would be of benefit to me and, perhaps, tweek something within you, my dear readers.  Actually I have NO idea if anyone at all ever reads this.  I just realized if no one is reading it then ergo...no one else is upset that they didn't get to read my random thoughts for the day - or three to be more precise.

So now that I got that out of my system, I have to opt out as my house mate needs the computer to work on another.......SHE is a computer geek, certainly NOT me but it does help when something technical goes awry to have your own personal PC person.

So next time I will actually have something of note to report on.

Happy Trails

What's next?

It  is now Sunday and this weekend was definitely different from the past few months to say the least.  Investigated a "business opportunity" and, shock of shocks to me, I have aligned myself with the principals and now the meetings begin.  This is not a "regular", at least not in my world, business and it will push me to access another part of my "psyche" which is good.  I need to push myself more methinks and this feels like the perfect catalyst, at this time in my life, to assist in that endeavour.

A question that was asked of me was "Why do you want to do this business and be an independent?"  Well, the first part of that is easy.  I don't like having to answer to others when I am doing "my thing" and I want to help people.  Most people would look at a possible business venture and say the first thing that comes into their minds - which is usually money.  And being perfectly honest, yes I want to make money.  I mean who doesn't?

However, for my entire life money, while holding a place of importance in one's life, has never been the motivating factor for doing what I do.  And that is why I have not become "rich" being a Healing Arts practitioner.  My motivation has and always will be "helping" people...enriching THEIR lives somehow and with this new venture, the possibilities increase when added to what I already do and -

HEY - I realize that this will be a wonderful addition to what I already do.  Revelations always seem to come at the oddest of times.

So yeah.....I have my answer for my next meeting this coming Friday.

I had been having a hard trusting of my own intuitive abilities when it comes to relationships with people - be it personal or professional - but this one feels in sync.  There is a sense that yes, this is right.

And on another note, I have reconnected with someone from my past and that too feels different.  We both speak to that topic and wonder what the future has in store, now that we have come into the essence of one another yet again.  We have been in and our of the others life for almost 7 years now yet we always seem to come together at times of change, as if we need the other to move to the next level or something.

One funny thing to note....or perhaps not.....is that when I shared that I had a wonky finger starting to look odd due to those weird bumps that appear with arthritis, he too shared his finger with me and of course, they look identical.  We have not missed the fact that we have IDENTICAL profiles.

So the journey continues.  Stay tune.........

Doing vs Relaxing

Computer gremlins were at work earlier as I had this spiffy post all ready to go and then I decided to add something and POOF, it disappeared.  Sigh.......

But here I am again attempting to tantalize your senses with some thing.....not too sure yet what I will be discussing here but perhaps I'll just let it flow and we'll see what happens.  Here we go.....

DOING.......that is an interesting word and one that has been grabbing my attention the past few days.   Why is it that we feel that we must always be doing something?  I have found myself simply enjoying sitting and looking out the window ever since moving to my new abode.  And then right in the middle of a good gaze, guilt rears his ugly head and I get antsy.  I "should" be doing something is what the voice is MY head says and then I realize that I AM doing something.

I am relaxing and enjoying the view out my window.  So different from living in the city.  WAY more trees and sky.  I enjoy the view.  Now I used to have an incredible view that went on for ever out to the oceans and the mountains off into the distance and, while I am indeed missing THAT view, I am finding contentment with this one.  Hence the need to relax and enjoy it.  Ahhhhhhhh......

I have also been finding enjoyment in making this space my home.  I am sharing this house with a friend yet, from almost the beginning I FELT like I had come home.  And lucky for me, she gets a kick out of my "girly girl" ways, when it comes to decorating and spacial placement.....grin.  As I have already mentioned we are very much in sync in a number of ways but she has way more masculine energy that little ole me.  Not to say she isn't a definite "femme fatale" but she is also able to work with the guys doing the harder "guy" things.  When we used to hang out, when we both lived in the city, we would joke that she was my "guy" because she was a tad more capable dealing the household repairs, etc. while I was the more nourishing/nurturing one in that, as I just mentioned, I like to make a home AND cook - so it works.

Prior to me moving in she had already given me the green light to find places for my plants, which is a big deal to me as I love my plants, as does she, so now we have a relative jungle in the living room and my room gets a bunch too.  Plus I do have a few special items that we have placed throughout the house too and they all fit in.........I already knew that.

My bedroom is great.  I love it.  I think part of that is that for the first time in years, I get to do whatever I want with my space without having to accommodate "his" stuff.  So it is ALL me.  Happy Katrice.

And today, to make things even better, I not only found the perfect book shelf for my books but also this beautiful bamboo shelving unit with 4 glass shelves which is a perfect addition to her kitchen.  She is stoked too, so today was a good day.

And I guess that is what I was going to talk about because this is what you just read.

Have a great evening.

Wandering the neighbourhood

Spent a few hours yesterday wandering around the surrounding area of my new abode.  Found the closest mall, not that I am a shopper by any means, but to have everything I need in one place.  You know like the dry cleaners, specialty stores, groceries.....for those days when I just want to get in and get out.

There is a sweet little part of this area with funky shops and little ma and pa shops too so have been walking in and engaging them in conversation.  I was dressed a bit more "spiffy" yesterday and I did notice that people are a bit suspicious as most people out this way are more "country" and jeans inspired but once I got going, they were most welcoming.  Feels good.

I have always felt somewhat like I am "different" regardless of the situation or the place I am.  Need to realize that while yes, we are all different, there is nothing wrong with being unique.  That has been something I have had issues with my entire life, yet not understanding where it came from.  Perhaps all those years where I have no memories are filled with the reason for how I perceive of myself.  I sure do know that I am discovering so much about me now that I have distanced myself from my "old" life and neighbourhood.

I also joined a gym yesterday so will be off there shortly to get back into my regular workout routine.  I have generally gone to the gym 4 or 5 times a week so not going for the past couple of months has been strange.  Nice to note however that I have not fallen apart and still "look" the same.  Just notice that I don't feel as "tight", if you know what I mean.  Won't be a problem now as once I get back in the flow of exercise, I'll be back the way I like myself to be.

Made dinner for my roomie and her boyfriend last night.  Was nice to finally get a chance to talk with him as she is being rather stingy with sharing him at all.....smile.  Ah, yes new love...ain't it grand.  He is a nice guy too and I can see that they compliment one another well.  It is also great that we have enough room for both of us to have our individual privacy and spaces for when we entertain gentlemen.  So again, another plus for this living arrangement that I have manifested.

Life is good and I am feeling very blessed.

Have a good one.

Settllng further in.

It almost feels surreal how relaxed I am here.  I'm sure it has a lot to do with my housemate and how we seem to be able to co-exist here perfectly.  She has her things to do and I have mine and yet, we seem to come together a number of times a day to share.......whatever it is that we are feeling like sharing.  Definitely feels like home for the foreseeable future.  Very blessed.

She introduced me to some of the "main" areas of this rural spot where I have landed.  Found the local dry cleaner, a couple of gyms to check out, met a wonderful shop Owner who was interested in what we both do......as the little healers that we are.  Plus she really liked hearing that I do readings (physic/intuitive/energy) and is considering having me spend time in the shop which would be so much fun.

For years I was the Reader du Jour, if you will, at various metaphysical shops and healing centres, and always found it to be a wonderful way to spend a day.  I would get to meet everyone that came in and generally once they got to know me,  they became intrigued with what I do and the clients would effortlessly come to me.  Knowing I am going to be out here I had thought I might venture into that realm again and have a couple of other places to investigate too but all in all, feels like definite forward motion.

I also found the most amazing mirror to go over the new funky dresser I found last week.  We are both in awe at how it came to be sitting amidst a whole whack of other mirrors, none of which looked ANYTHING like it.   It is amazing how this new room of mine is coming along but then again, when you find yourself back in your flow, this is generally what occurs.

I was feeling slightly anxious earlier today and I realized what it was.  I had been surrounded for the past few years, by the energies of someone with whom I am definitely NOT aligned.  Yet here, in my new home, all I feel is soft and gentle energy, which is more like MY energy.  Been so out of whack for so long this calm, relaxed feeling is foreign and I couldn't quite put my finger on it until a short while ago.

My housemate told me to simply continue to relax and allow myself to settle into my new home.  Everything is getting done.  There is simply no major panic to get life completely organized in 5 days so relax I will.

In fact, who wants to be COMPLETELY organized EVER.  There has to be a bit of unsettledness in order for us to realized when we ARE.......settled that is.  A challenge to be sure of mine and one through which I am currently travelling.

Have an awesome and continue being good to yourselves....you deserve it.

Settling in......

Spent a wonderful few hours with a friend last night.  Interesting how you can be apart from someone for long periods and then POOF, it is as if was only yesterday when you last connected.  Was up later than usual for me however so had a slow start to the day.

Is so wonderful to be able to just putz around the house and set sacred space here and there, until the entire house is in a state of balance.  I am also so very grateful to this friend as it appears we are on the same page and, to make matters even better, she loves that I like to play house, at it were.  There have been a number of instances where it felt so much like I am the Mother and she is the Daughter.  Amazes me that we find ourselves in this situation but realize that it is for the best for both of us at this time.  We both feel family in our connection so it is all very good.

Also, happy to report, I will be having  my first client here on Wednesday, which assists in setting the energy for the development of our own little Healing Sanctuary at the front of the property.  I take this as a sign that this will be a wonderful home for me.  Funny, when I first thought of moving here, I felt it was only for the short term but, now that I have spent a few nights here, I realize how much at home I feel.  Definitely feels good.

Went through the rest of the boxes and found a few more special things.  Did a bunch of laundry and basically settled in.  Nothing earth shattering to report,  simply feeling blessed within the simplicity of it all.

Feels good.

Be well and take good care of your selves....you deserve it.

The stage is set - let the play begin......

Feeling very VERY comfortable in my new living space.  Had an old friend visit today and he said "Whoa, this already feels like YOU!"  Not bad since I just moved in 2 days ago.  Helps of course that my house mate is a lot like me and somehow we manage to keep one another on an even keel....at least so far.....smile.

I hadn't realized how different it feels to be living on the land instead of several stories up, with a multitude of people all around you.  I owned a number of different houses over the years but have been renting smaller spaces for the past dozen of years or so and sitting here looking out a an entire forest as my back yard has a completely different sense of reality.

I had another friend over the day I was moving in and her reaction was totally different.  She is currently living in a modern new condo building up high......you know the type.  Pretty swanky!  So, for her to see ME, her oldest friend, moving into this ramshankle (on the outside) old house out in the country just didn't sit well with her.  There was almost a fear that I have fallen into the dark side or something.  She doesn't exactly see Spirit as I do, so I can understand.  This house is, how to say it, in need of some renovations so on the outside it does not look all that "swell".

However, upon entering you can feel the shift in energy.  We are not just looking at what it presents to the outside world, it is the essence of what both her and I are.  We are sisters in spirit, healers, nurturers, intuitive women on a quest to bring more healing and happiness to those who find us.  And what was the main reason for me to be moving WAY out here, you might ask?  Well, I'll tell you.

On this large piece of property there also resides, separate from the main house, a completely separate 800 sq. ft. cottage that is totally bare inside just waiting for someone to do something with it.  And here is the gist of it all.....so divine really.

When I met my house mate, she came to a course I taught many years ago entitled "Creating Sacred Space".  We bonded the very first day and, while we have had our ups and downs, we have always had a sacred and special connection.  She had always maintained that we, her and I, would someday run a healing centre....a sacred sanctuary and this is what we are now in the planning stages OF.....with the bones of it all sitting waiting for our tender and loving creative energy.  It will be an amazing place and I will be sharing, with you all, the developments as they occur.

We are also going to be renting space to those who are in the healing arts for classes and workshops.  I will once more have a beautiful sacred space to host my monthly meditations again.  In fact, we can already start them in the main house, just as it is.  Had an email from another friend, who lives in Thailand and owns a Thai Massage School, who is asking how the space is coming along as he wishes to be one of our first practitioners sharing their gifts out of the space.  Beautiful energy!

Another beautiful friend of mine who is a LomiLomi practitioner and teacher of various modes of massage, is also planning a trip to our sanctuary for the sharing of some of her wonderful teachings as well.

So, as you can see, the stage is set.  We are in the gestation period and it is in complete harmony with me.........as I come back into the Light of day after a rather long absence.

May your day or evening be blessed.

Life is good.   Namaste

Feeling much more settled this morning

Slept my first night in my new bed, in my new bedroom, in my new house.  Feel very comfortable here and know that all will be just fine.

Am able to write again and feel welcome by my housemate.  Her house which she is sharing with me...all of it so so nice to have room to roam around AND we both have our own space which makes it even better.  We are both having fun watching the energy shift and while we are both "yackers", we are both in a place where we desire our quiet solitary time too.  Ahhhhh.......

Have my bedroom relatively organized and now just have to go through the boxes out in storage to see what I also want to bring into the house.  The ex, as I mentioned, wouldn't let me take much of my special homey things so not much out there anyway, but still a few things.

I feel sorry for my other friend who helped me grab the stuff that he WOULD let me take and hope she is feeling better having her space all to herself again.  Such a blessing being able to heal and re-group after the situation with, not only my ex but my father AND my son.  Most definitely a crazy couple of months.

But for now, I can look out the window as I type and see only TREES and sky.  Of course I miss the ocean and the views off in the distance but for now, here is where I will reside.

To be continued....

Moving messes with my Chi

ARGH....it is always such a hassel moving and this time was no different.  Actually it was the WORST experience ever.

Of course I had never left my place of residence.  It has always been the other part of my relationship who has left our little home.  And when I went to get MY stuff....you know the personal little parts of you, those little momentoes......well, he refused to part with MY little homey things.  That was awful.  I would go to take something off the wall and he would grab it out of my hand and say NO, you can't take that.  I'd go, "hey, it is mine.  I paid for it, I bought it and I brought it home."  He didn't care.  As far as he was concerned, since I had left him, that meant that I forfeited all rights to anything that was mine.

Big Sigh.....quite traumatic actually.  But I am now firmly ensconced in my new place, complete with a housemate so another journey ensues.  A tad tired but I survived.

Will write more later but I am really tired and had to share SOME thing....

Have a peaceful night.

The gift of old friends

Had a lovely evening with my oldest friend last night.  Had a great dinner, shared a lot of laughs and even did something outrageous........at least outrageous for two...ahem.....older mature women.  We dissolved in laughter and woke up this morning still giggling.  That is the gift of old friends.  You can always revert to the ways of childhood and bring that back as the gift it truly is.

We have been friends for over 40 years and, while there have been times when we did not see much of one another, we always come back to the fact that there is a bond that nothing can break.  It can be stretched at times and sometimes the cracks show, but at the end of the day, we are friends through thick and thin.  And this is truly special.

I recently met an interesting woman and am planning on getting together with her later today to see what SHE is all about.  I do find that I am attracting to the energies of those who are "different".  Of course, we are all different but there are those with whom we resonate energetically.  And this woman and I connected even before we actually met.  Looking forward to seeing if this new "friendship" will be another like the one I first started speaking of.  I remember when I first spoke with this woman, I immediately thought that she and my old pal would get along famously.

Friend number one mentioned during our discussion last night that she has, as another friend of hers mentioned, a rather eclectic group of friends...some of whom may be considered odd.  I too gravitate to different souls and, while some of these may have not perhaps been good choices, it has always been interesting to discover different ways of being, different ways of living in this world.

At times I do lament the fact that I do not have a large group of close friends, but I have to admit that the ones I have cultivated have enriched my life in many ways.....teaching me more about this being that I AM.
And I do know that now, at this time in my life, I am becoming more open to receiving more friends into my world, trusting that those that come now will assist me in becoming more and more the person I choose to be.

Sounds good to me.

Have a great day wherever you are.

Not much of interest to share today...

Feeling guilty because I didn't write anything here yesterday as I was out and about until late so here I sit, going hmmmmmmmm?  What to talk about today?

It's different as my friend is back from her trip so I am not exactly on my own anymore which does tend to slow up the creative juices.  Certainly realized that I do enjoy being on my own these days which is so different from the past and it is really hard trying to write when someone is sitting across from you "talking".  Oh well, we'll see how it goes as I will be moving next weekend and will have more alone time once more.

The prospect of moving is a tad disconcerting as I dread having to go over there and pack while the ex sits holding court.  I suggested that perhaps he might want to go somewhere for a few hours while my friend and I pack and lug everything out.  Of course, wouldn't it be nice if he would offer to help schlepp some of the boxes down to the truck but that is not going to be happening.  Plus, he refuses to give us some space to get organized.  I said "what do you think I'm going to do?  Take some of your stuff or something?" and he just grunted.  So friggin distrustful, but then again, that is one of the reasons we are no longer together.  Anyway, I know I'll get through it so just have to suck it up and do it.

Heading out to the new abode in a short while to measure and figure out what exactly I will have room for.  Mainly thinking of my plants, which I would really like to take with me but if there is not enough room, I guess the ex  will get to keep them.

This is not working so there is noise coming from the kitchen.  I don't think she understands that it is really hard to concentrate on writing when excess noise is taking over.

I officially give up.

Tomorrow I shall return.  Have a good one.

Heart full of love and gratitude

As this blog is more my thoughts on my day, I haven't been very diligent about ensuring that it gets noticed out here in cyberspace but to my surprise, one of you actually connected with me.....yeah.  And I thank you Steve.

Just yesterday, I was reading about the importance of good post titles so I shall be more cognizant about this aspect of it all.  My website contains my daily inspiration notices and these are picked up by many more and for me this is a more important part of my writing.  Those articles are meant to assist Souls on their path, both personally and spiritually so while this blog helps ME.....smile.....I am not perhaps as serious about it.  Might be time to take a different approach to this one too.  We'll see....

It is an awful day out there.  A typical Vancouver/West Coast Fall day.....pouring...YUCK.  Wish I could just stay all hunkered down in the house but I am waiting for a call from my friend who is flying back from her 6 week vacation in Spain and Portugal.  Since I have been staying at her home, it would behoove me to get out there and pick her up so into the downpour I shall be heading in a couple of hours.  Won't she be pleased to be back - I don't think so.............chuckle.

I can sure feel the changes happening within me and it feels so very good.  Finally getting back out there and connecting with both old friends and meeting new ones.  Networking you might say which is something I need to be doing if I plan on supporting myself properly.  Sure would be nice to just sit here and write and watch the money coming in but I still have to get out in the world and let people know I am here and, more importantly, know what I do.  To that end, I got my new business cards today which is perfect timing as I have a networking lunch scheduled for tomorrow.

These cards are completely different from ones in the past which probably makes sense as I am different.  Looking forward to getting them out there, not only at networking events but on bulletin boards around town.  Hoping that the stars align and the perfect clients start to find me.  I am SO very ready to start working again.  I never really think of it all as "work" perse because I love doing my readings and healing sessions.  And it is not like I would have to be working hours on end as I figure that 10 sessions a week would be perfectly sufficient for me as my needs are simple.  So I am officially sending my request out there.

Dear Universe.  Please send me 10 clients next week and each week thereafter.  I AM open to receive with gratitude and a heart full of love.  I thank YOU in advance.  Blessings abound.

So, that should do it.  What do you think?

Have a great day and try to stay dry.

A good day

I had a good meeting with my financial guru-ette today.  In the past, whenever I had to discuss "finances", I would get anxious.  Why?  I don't know but it always made me feel anxious, even when I had no reasonable "reason" for it.  However, today was the first time I found myself, not only relaxed, but excited about the possibilities that are available to me.  Wonderful shift in affairs.

There is something to be said for having a bit of a cushion, knowing that I have so many positive possibilities opening up to me, with respect to my financial well-being.  I used to give myself a hard time since I did have good "office jobs", in the past, ones that would have provided me with a substantial pension, had I stayed with them.  Unfortunately, I never could.  I would get a new job all under control and then get bored so on to the next.  Now, back then, there were tons of jobs and I could quit one and have another by the next week. Not so much nowadays.  Now that I said that, I realize that my daughter follows in my footsteps but, like her dear old Mom, she too finds new jobs effortlessly.  At the moment, she is enjoying the job that she does have and since she knows that this is the one she will keep until such time as she has a family, she has relaxed into it all, knowing it is not forever.  Anyway, I digress....

In my meeting today with said financial whiz, she realized that I need to do what I am passionate about and finally she has relaxed, knowing that I am NOT like any of her other clients.  I guess that is what helped so much today as she had continually wanted me to get a JOB, which is not what I do.  I work at my passion which is the healing arts and writing.  So, today was good.

I also actually went in to a store today and started to look at new furniture as I am going to be buying both bedroom and living room furniture and again, there was no concern about the outlay of cash for these items as, firstly, I will need them and secondly, I have the funds.

So looking forward and feeling like life is good.

Here's hoping your life is also going well.

Be well.

just nattering ..................

Went down to the gym in the building today and did it ever feel good.  Don't know why I have been dissing my workouts since I came out here as I had always been a regular gym user.  Perhaps my little body just needed a break from that routine as I set up new ones for myself.  In any event, I know that I will be getting back into it on a regular basis again so that is good.

Went to a group today that was suggested to me when I ended up with an extreme anxiety episode coupled with depression.  It is something set up for people to be able to share in a non-judgmental space and is so very helpful for people struggling with mood disorders.  I realized when I first went that I was no where near the depressed states that so many of the other participants were in but I have kept it up as I thought I just should.  But today made me realize that my time with those people is done.

I am an empath and therefore very susceptible to the energy of others and my heart just kept reaching out to every one of them as they shared their lives with the group.  I felt so sorry for them and thanked the Gods that I am able to move beyond that state and get on with my life.  I was almost embarassed when it came time for me to share as I have so much shifting in my own life and am excited about the possibilities around the corner.

I am also a group facilitator so find it hard not to be jumping in and giving my input, when there is another person who is learning to be a facilitator and she is so excited to be doing so.  She is beaming and learning to accept herself, flaws and all, in this environment.  She has been coming to the group sessions for years now and is now qualified to be a "peer support worker".  It made me feel so very good watching her expand this past few weeks and I congratulated her, as did everyone else as she is coming out of her own shell and growing weekly.  So, while I will not be going regularly, I think I will still sit in every so often as I do know that my sharings act as inspiration for others and it also makes me grateful for my state at present.

I got notice regarding my application for the Canada Pension Plan, as I am officially an old dudette...smile and the amount was surprising.  Since I had not contributed for years,  I didn't think it would be much but it is almost 3 times what I had figured so YEAH ME!  Always nice to ensure a definite amount of money coming in as every little bit helps.  Also going to be sitting down with my financial person to see about shifting money to a Registered Retirement Income Fund, thus ensuring more moolah filtering in regularly.

Each day lately, I find myself giving thanks and feeling positive vibrations coursing through my body.  It appears that it is indeed true that sometimes we have to hit a hard place in our journey, in order for the good to start to surface. 

Let the games begin...........

And you have an awesome evening.

Balance point

For the past couple of days I have found it difficult to compose my thoughts, or even to let them flow for that matter, and so have missed a couple of days of writing this week.  I know, it is not a RULE perse that a writer writes daily.........but as I wrote that I realize that yes, it is indeed a Rule if I am ever going to take my writing to the next level........you know...making a living at it....

I remember getting my first teeny tiny cheque for a submission of mine and feeling wonderful.  Of course I let the ball drop, or perhaps got caught up in this life of mine in 3d.  Anyway, for whatever reason, back then I started to led my writing slide until I found that I was not writing anything AT ALL.  There is no way that I will allow that to happen, so I am giving you, out there in cyberspace, a part in ensuring that I remain diligent and disciplined in my quest to put words down daily....or up daily, or however it is when using this forum. If for some odd reason you don't see me here for an extended period of time, let me know you noticed and kick me in the butt.

I have made a decision however, with respect to my living arrangements.  As I'm sure I've mentioned, I recently dissolved a partnership and, unfortunately, I had not really put a solid exit strategy in place.   So, thank the Gods for friends, I have been housesitting a friend's home while she is on a European adventure.  She returns on Thursday and I have been trying to decide where I would like to settle.  It has really been the dilemma as I kept feeling the pull to my old neighbourhood - with the ocean, the park, people walking all around - but just not feeling the urge to physically go and find anything.  Not that I was panicked about it all but I knew that I had to find something eventually and sooner, rather than later, to ensure my pal would have her space to herself.

So the decision is to move in with a friend who has also gone through her own separation and a huge transformation at the same time.  I had originally thought of moving my stuff there until I found my own place and to that end, I helped her clear out the space so when I got it together, I could utilize the cleared space.  However, she has just moved her bedroom downstairs to a NEW room that her and her uncle made.  She laid tile and laminate flooring, painted,etc and is now ensconced in her new room and offered me the large bedroom UP stairs at a very reasonable cost monthly. Lots of space for both of us, room to offer my meditation circles once more, and breathing room.....for one and all.

This is not intended as a long term arrangement, but a chance to help her out with the prep work for our new healing space and a chance for me to continue coming into a place of balance in preparation for all that is coming in over the upcoming months.

So now that I have that little dilemma out of the way, a place to live, I can now focus on the work that I am meant to be doing AND writing of course....smile

Have an awesome day/night.

Moving through personal angst

Been feeling a tad anxious the past few days so finding the urge to put down my thoughts here has been somewhat absent.  I do not like to share my angst as I feel that I it shows that I am somehow weak or something.  And like it or not, we do all have these moments...........right?

Have had a beautiful safe place to heal the past month or so and am extremely grateful for this safe harbour.  My friend is returning from her trip to Europe this coming Thursday and while I know that she will not exactly kick me out, she will wish to have her place back to her self once more.  And I do know that this is part of my problem at present.  I need to get off my butt and find my new home.  Been dragging my feet somewhat and that makes me angry with myself.

Interesting that last thought....my angst is directly related to how I feel about ME....who woulda thunk it, eh?

I know that it is time to move forward but there is this lovely cocoon that I have wrapped myself in since leaving my relationship and it feels like having to grow up and get on with my own life.  WOW, I can feel this ache in my chest starting to dissolve with that thought.  For it is indeed true, I am at a point in my life where big changes are once again coming in.

On my other blog, www.intuitiveinspiration.com, I have been writing a great deal about trusting in the process of life and, while the Spirit/higher self within me knows this to be the truth, this little human being that I also AM is struggling with that word trust.

Trusting has always come up for me to take a look at and while it stays with me most of the time, there are times when that little weaker part of me cries out for help.  Help from who or what?  I have assistance through friends but at the end of the day, it is anchoring into that Divine part of me that tends to slide.

It's funny that when others call to me for my brand of healing and insight, there is never an issue with trusting in the Divine energy that flows through me.  BUT, when I need to anchor into it for ME, there is a sense that for some reason it won't be there.  What's with that?

Why do I feel that I am only here to assist others on their individual journeys while thinking that I am somehow not worthy of this same assistance from Source?  Don't worry, this is simply a rhetorical question but feel free to share your thoughts and insights if you so choose.  I certainly do not have all the answers.

Here's something funny....or perhaps not, but I have been waiting for my Doctor to sign a form so that I could get into a program called Bounce Back.  It is a program for people who have gone through an emotional upheaval or mental whack (smile) to help them get back on track.  Of course, I have moved way past how I felt when all this turmoil hit but since someone had suggested this program, I thought "Why not?". If there is someone out there who could offer their brand of assistance, why not take advantage of it all.  Well, she said that I am capable of doing this on my own, as is evidenced from how far I have come to this point and that other people needed this service more than I............I mean come on...I am being proactive in my healing journey and when services are being presented to me, why do I have to defer to someone who feels that since I am better I should let others who are in worse shape take advantage of it all.  I know I am moving forward on my own but thought that this program would give me even more insight.

Now that I just wrote all that, it brings me back to growing up AGAIN and getting out there once more.

Well now, thank you for allowing me to rant.  I feel Way better.

Have an awesome day wherever you are.  Now that I have that out of my system, I plan to do the same.

Til later........

Finding your place

Never did manage to post yesterday.  Had good intentions but for some odd reason dropped the ball.  Not that I was doing anything much but guess it just wasn't in the cards.

Did spend a couple of hours with a friend helping her clear out a lot of junk from a room that is destined to be a healing centre, hopefully sooner rather than later, hence my assisting with the cleaning out.  This room/building is actually about 800 sq. ft. and sits on her property.  Up to now, it has just been a repository for "stuff" and we hauled out lots of wood, gyproc, walls, doors....YUP, we did that.....and now it is sorted in different places, some to be hauled away, some to go to a recycling depot and some to be reused.  A good couple of hours accomplishing something that she has been talking about for some time now.

I too have reason to want to help her out here as we are both healers and running workshops and classes out of this little space will be wonderful.  Still lots of work to do but at least it is getting closer to being what the original intention was when she purchased the property.  It is rather in the country and sits across from a beautiful little old church so lots of special energy swirling around.

Been feeling a tad anxious as I know that it is time for me to find a place of my own, as my friend is heading home next week.  She asked if I had found a place yet so I know that she is going to want to have her place to her self sooner rather than later.  I have been looking on line and will be going around the neighbourhoods that call to me and see if something jumps out.  Wish me luck.

Has been a wonderful place for me to heal after all the angst these past few months and do feel blessed that I have been supported during this time. 

I wish you blessings and support on your own journey.

Have a great day.