Freeing up the energy

Here I am again.........4 days in a row.  And, to make it even more exciting, for me at least, I found myself thinking about sitting down here and writing when I was on the stairmaster this morning at the gym.  Good.......ME wanting to write.  Wish me luck in that I would trying love to write daily again and hopefully THIS time, I will.

I am in wonder at my energy level today.  Not that it is way up there but I am not dwelling on the negative aspects of the past couple of weeks.  In fact, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me.  Being told that you are unwelcome in the home of another is quite an amazing discovery.  But here is the kicker.........now that it is out in the open I can finally breathe easier as I had not felt welcome in their home for almost ever. 

Do any of you dismiss your intuition when you are trying to make something work with another?   I sure do.  I think it is because I just imagine what it would be like if........fill in the blank....... but when day after day the feelings just don't jive with what you are being told, you start to think you are just imagining all the jibes, innuendo and blatant mental smacks thrown in for good measure.

My guy said to me that he was beginning to think that I actually liked being disrespected time and time again, crying at some slight and then going back for more.  I asked how he could even think that I was enjoying what was happening.  So, he says, stop!!  I said I can't stop.......it's FAMILY.  But you know what, he's right.  Even if it is family, that gives no one the right to dismiss another's feelings on such a regular basis.  I have to stop and like it or not, the family that I envisioned just isn't in the cards at the present time.  Perhaps down the road but not now.  So back to my energy level.

In the past, had something like this occurred I would have been inconsolable.  Part of me is a tad concerned that any moment I might breakdown but a renewed strength and sense of confidence has risen up within me giving me the power to move beyond this current dilemma.  I do worry about my son but unfortunately there is nothing I can do other than to send him love and good thoughts.  Plus he is an adult and has to come to grips with the current situation in his own way.

Being one who works in the spiritual realm, I know that nothing happens by accident........we are all responsible for our individual realities.  I brought this current situation into MY life as another potential method for growth.  Of course, this is NOT what I had envisioned as part of my growth, but like it or not it appears to be here front and centre for me to look at and deal with in right time and order.

For the moment, I am going to relax knowing that I don't have to push or pull anymore.  I can just be me and be good with that.   I can't fix this situation by myself.  It is a group effort and finally I can stop trying to do it all by myself.

Hmmm, so I have now opened up MORE free space to do with as I see fit.  Feels good.

Wishing you a day full of love, laughter and joy.

Namaste