Love is all there is

Note to Self:   When publishing a post, make sure that you save it prior to previewing it.......Had written a long discourse of complete and total inspiration, at least to me.....grin and then POOF, gone.  Hmmmm.

It has taken me a week before I have positioned myself back down here to come up with some other inspirational thoughts.  Where to begin...

Just had a conversation with a friend of mine and she said to me "Katrice...do you realize that in all the years we have known each other, you have always had a hard time saying that you love me?"  I thought about it for a while and then realized that I have a hard time saying I LOVE YOU to anyone these days.

I think it has something to do with having been told that I am loved only to witness, by actions, a completely different sensation coming at me.  Now I am not talking about physical action but a physical sensation that courses through my body.  I am a highly sensitive Soul.........YEAH for me......NOT!! and I am very aware of the energies of those around me.  I can read them which of course makes me a very good intuitive reader in case anyone is in the mood for some intuitive inspiration of a different sort, but I digress.

What I am getting at here is that I can feel what someone is really feeling even though the words out of their mouths are not in sync.  It has been hard due to the fact that I want to be loved and therefore, I tend to take what I get, even when I know it is not real.

There have been many times in my life when I have found myself in a group of people and felt that I didn't belong in that particular group or circle.  I was accepted by the others in the group but the most important aspect of the whole experience was missing...........MY acceptance of myself.

The most recent instance of this type of confusion has led to my not being welcome in the home of someone who is, or has been, very close to me.  Now, while it is hurtful, the odd thing that is occurring is that I am feeling lighter, almost floating instead of sinking into a puddle of tears.  And the reason for this is that I have not felt welcome in these people's home for years.  I have gone - well because I had always gone there - but I had felt like it was feeling more and more like work than something that gave me joy.

Each time I would think of calling, I hesitated because a) they very rarely answer their phone (at least when I call) and b) sometimes would take more than a week to return my call.  I had mentioned it to them that this was very hurtful and they would just say - well that's your problem, we are not attached to the phone.  Very hurtful and then when I would go over to their home (again, they never come here as my partner smokes) they would never offer me so much as a glass of water or a coffee.  Very awkward for me.  It had not always been the case as one of these people has married my original acquaintance so having my old acquaintance acting like this has been so very confusing.  Anyway, getting back to the floating aspect of it all.

I feel like I am repositioning myself in MY life now.  So many of these relationships that had left me feeling "out of sync" are now not IN my life.  It had felt like a loss was occuring and while this may be true (the loss of companionship and laughter for example with these Souls), in the end I am feeling like I have taken a big part of me back.

The part that loves love and friendship.  The part of me that craves relationships as I love to explore the minds and souls of those close to me and have them help to excavate those deeper parts of me that have yet to rise to the surface.

I can now acknowledge that it is those deeper parts of me that are coming to my rescue.  It is my Soul that has held me in her embrace all these years,sharing my love with me.  I CAN love me.  Others can also love but it is not the be all and end all that they ALL love me.  It is time to stop seeking love from those in my sphere and just shine the love that I AM out there and see what comes back to me.

Can you feel it?

Blessings abound