Transitions

So now we wait.  Poor Old Dad is now on oxygen and morphine as they try to keep him comfortable as he prepares for his transition.  I sit with him and watch - that is all I can do.  I talk to him but it feels weird as he doesn't respond.  I touch him and feel our energies blending.  I send love from my heart to his and I count the seconds between his breaths.  At times I think "o.k.  this is it" as he stops breathing for 20 seconds or so and then PHEW, another breath. 

I sit and remember watching my Mother pass over over 30 years ago and find that that was even harder as she was not even 57..........yes, the Big C got her.  I have been wearing a bracelet of hers for the past few days as - I don't know why but must have something to do with wondering if she will great him when he arrives, if he even gets to the same place as her.

I am not one to really believe in heaven or hell as I am more aligned with the spiritual belief system that we are all spirit and when we transition from this earthly realm, we move to that higher place prior to our descent back into earthly form.  But like it or not, when death is calling, I guess it is natural to think of heaven and/or hell....

As I sat with him today and yesterday, I simply rose to that higher place and sat as Soul to Soul.......that works for me.  Who knows how one is to relate as a parent passes.  A friend of mine sat with her father all day for 10 days and slept in his room at the hospital.  Of course, she had had a wonderful loving relationship with her father and for her, his transition, was devastating.  I remember saying in my head yesterday, I wish things could have been different but know that that kind of thinking is useless.  It was what it was and I am grateful that we did have some nice memories this past few years.

And again, I wonder will I change with his passing.  I certainly hope so because the past couple of years, while we did have some pleasant times, has also been rife with turbulence.  Will his passing allow me to move past all of that?  I don't know but I will be talking with others who are also going through the same situation at the exact same time as me.

I reached out to a friend who had gone through some pretty rough experiences after the passing of her father and our conversation today was very helpful for me.  She also gave me a copy of her most recent book, she has written 3, and showed me one of the poems that I had completely forgotten about that I said she could use as it seems to encapsulates the essence of this book.  The book is called "Keys to living life from the inside out".  If you get a chance, check it out.  Her name is Elfie Leddy.

I know that it will assist me over the course of the next few months as I transition from who I have been to who I know, deep in my Soul, I AM.

The saga continues...........

Namaste