transitioning

So we did it.  Sent dear old Dad off down the river...so to speak.  We headed over to a part of the North Shore that he loves...........lots of trees, the canyon and rushing water.

The day was beautiful and my son did show up, complete with a Macpherson tartan kilt, in honour of dear old Dad/Granddad.   He had a Guiness in his coffee cup and when we got to the perfect spot to send "Dad" on his way, he actually sang an Ode to Scotland, one that he knows from his time in the football/soccer stadium.  My soon to be son in law got in on film so should be cool to see.  We, my son, daughter and I, bent down to the stream and gently let "him" drift into the water and off he went.

Can't say exactly how I felt.  But in the end it felt like it is was for Dad and not really for us.  He loved that part of town and while his other half is still sitting here waiting for the planned trip to Scotland which is the other place he wishes to "rest", it felt like the place I chose was perfect.  I also love this place.  The trees breathe with you and the sun filters down as you wander through this wilderness so it will be nice to have a great memory of HIM, after all the others.  Anyway, we all did it and I know it meant a lot to the kids.

I do know that I am still feeling detached from my son and when I said I wanted to see my granddaughter, he said that his wife will not allow this.  Crazy state of affairs but you know what, I can not let it matter because it is her thing, not mine.  My son did say he knows it won't be THAT long as he doesn't want his daughter looking at me down the road and going "who is this Daddy?"  Little does he know that she probably won't remember me even after this few months but c'est la vie.....  I am simply going to tune in with her from afar and have that be enough.  My daughter will be going over to see them while here so will be sure to bring me pictures as they grow up so quickly these first years.

Don't be sad for me please.  This is something that the Universe has decided I need to learn along with all the other turmoil that has transpired.  Just send good loving energy around the whole scenario.  I know that is what I am doing.  I am feeling strong and know I will get through it, just as I manage to get through everything else that has challenged me during my sojourn on this plain.

After it all I came home and planted pots and pots of winter pansies so it is a riot of yellow and purple out there.  Felt good to get dirt under my nails and brighten up the deck.  Brings me closer to what is real.

Have a wonderful Friday night.