Rainy Saturdays......they're not ALL bad...

Heard a voice a short while ago say "Hey, Katrice.  Look out the window."  It has been raining hard all day but in that moment, as I lifted my head, the sun was shining on the tops of the trees behind our home.  There are evergreens out there but it was all the trees with their bare branches reaching upwards that were displaying the most beautiful surreal light.  It was if they were all being bathed in the light of the Divine.

I jumped up and ran to the living room and then over to the kitchen and each view was more beautiful than the next.  We have a little 100 year old church across the street and the very top of the steeple was shining too and the rest of the sky had that beautiful peach colour that a setting sun loves to show us.  Ahhhhh, it was beautiful.

Just finished my inspirational column during the light display outside and now, here I am sharing a different part of me.  I have people who, after reading the inspirational offerings that I share daily, are astounded that both this blog and the other column come from the same being...that would be ME...grin.  I always knew that there was more than one being inhabiting my body and being able to see it for myself, if only through the thoughts and words that come to me, feels good.

Now some would say "uh oh.....multiple personality disorder!!"  I personally do not believe this to be true for it is all my many parts that make me the unique being that I AM.  I will however freely admit that there have been times when I was so very confused as to who I really was.

I would find myself standing in my living room or the bedroom and wonder whose home I was living in.  Those were the times when I realized that I was not living the life I was meant to be living and before long, BIG changes would occur.  Not unlike the most recent shift for me - Losing a parent, distancing myself from a partner, seeking a new place to live, all the while going "Hey, what happened?"  But I have come out the other side and know exactly what happened.

I woke up and realized that I had been trying to pretend that all was right in my world and, in my heart and Soul, I knew life wasn't right.  Much had to shift and while these past few months were extremely hard for me to plough through, I have landed in a wonderful quiet space and this is food for my Soul.  Now some would look at the outside of the house I live in and be a bit concerned as it is definitely NOT a show home and not somewhere most who know me would think of somewhere I would live.  They have only to come through the front door however, to simply FEEL the warmth and peace that our home reflects.  This feels like ME.  And I am at peace within all the changes that have led me here.

Tomorrow my son is going to come out here and we are going to celebrate his birthday which was this past week.  He will not bring my granddaughter to see me which definitely sucks as I am the "cool" grandma - or perhaps that is why.  In any event, it will be the first time I have had a chance to be with him, on  his own, since his LAST birthday.  I am so looking forward to hearing how his life is going as he has been so distant this past couple of years.

Someone said to me a year or so ago that I needed to reposition myself in his life.  I was more than willing to do so but I never dreamed that I would have to wait for months to see him.  At least it doesn't cause me as much pain as it has in the past but then again, I have had more than enough angst in my life without worrying about what his issues are at this time with me.

As you can probably sense, I am not one to hide my feelings and do not like things to go unsaid.  When something bothers me I feel it is in everyone's best interest to clear out negative issues so that they don't go on to fester, in the end, making things WAY worse than they need to be.  He, and his wife, are the complete opposite.  They would rather NOT say anything than get things out in the open. 

On the few occasions that they have shared with me, it usually entails them talking TO me and then I am not given an opportunity to speak.  They TELL me what the issue is and that is that.  No discussion...NOTHING.  So frustrating for me being as how I have lots to share on said topics.

BUT not tomorrow.  I am hoping that he shares some of what he is up to, brings me some pictures of my granddaughter as I have not seen her for almost 4 months and opens up to his Mom once more.

Well I have been sitting here writing for the past couple of hours and I think it is now time to forage for dinner.

Have a wonderful evening.