So last week it was snow. This week it has been fog. Fog is definitely not one of my favourite types of weather. It is a damp heaviness that covers everything. It does sdeem to be lifting though and with the lifting will probably ensure we get rain. GREAT! Snow, Fog and Rain......give me the sun and a beach.
Was driving over one of the bridges and everything below me and most of everything above was shrouded in fog except for a couple of mountain tops that were being bathed in the phantom sun that we have not seen much of lately. Was quite surreal.
Hmmmm, just got a call back in response to one of the Resumes that I sent out the past week. Who knows what the job REALLY is but it sounded like something that would suit me and obviously, the powers that be also thought so. So yeah ME!!! I do know that I need to get some regular income coming in again. Not only will the money be nice but it will also get me back into a more regular schedule. So not that this will be THE job but getting back to interviews is just what the doctor ordered.
Another birthday is coming up around the corner and this has to be the first year that I am not getting all worked up about it. I might even get to finally see my granddaughter as my daughter in law has said she would "love" to come to dinner for ME at my "sisters" place. Not holding my breath though as she certainly made it plain how she felt about me a few months ago but perhaps she is "psycho" and can simply pretend that everything she said didn't mean anything. Maybe not to her but it certainly did impact me and how I look at THAT relationship. Anyway, should be interesting to see if she even shows up. Curiouser and curiouser.....
It sure has been a hard time for many these days. Some are finding their emotional bodies blasted on a daily basis. Others are finding that financial hardships are getting harsher with each passing day. I have also experienced my own share of "drama" this past year but feel that it is now slowly fading away....the drama that is. While in the past I would have felt so pushed to help everyone else out there, now my energies are being reserved for me and my own challenges. Sure I will assist where I can but it will now be more of a heart based loving energy simply sent to bolster those waning energies of others.
And that's it for the day. Be well and thrive.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
Being in the present moment
Woke up to snow in my neighbourhood today. Been sitting here writing away all day so it is not a total waste. Had planned to head out today but reconsidered when seeing the snow coming down.
This place is so easy to write in. Quiet outside and within the house and hence, within me. Hadn't had much of an urge to write the past couple of days as I was out and about as it had been sunny and I just didn't feel like hanging around in the house. Glad I did too with the shift in the weather today.
The quiet part of me is in bliss with my solitude these days. So very different from other times in my life. While in the past I have always wanted noise and others in my space the recent past has allowed me to blend with me and this discovery has been quite cathartic. I have many friends who have always enjoyed their quiet times but this way of being is new to me and I have to admit, I love it.
As I started writing my various articles today I found myself thinking about how much easier it is to write when I am questioning life. When I am content, the urge to put my thoughts down isn't quite as forceful. I smile as I realize that this is why there are so many "tortured" writers out there trying to calm their demons. They do say that there are more "mental instabilities" within the creative Soul than in the bulk of the population and I must agree.
I know that I have always said that if I couldn't write, I would be out of my mind as writing soothes my Soul. Throughout the times when life has thrown me curveballs, it has been my writing of my angst that helped lift me out of the doldrums and set me on a new path. Being a writer is by its very nature a solitary pursuit. I am not one of those who takes her laptop to a favourite coffee shop and writes in that busy place. For me, I seem to need quiet and no distractions when creating so finally living on my own again is a definite gift.
I wrote an article the other day speaking to the idea that each day is a present, a gift as it were, and it is important to develop this mindset if we are to enjoy our days on this earth. Of course, there are days when it might not feel so much like a gift but, when allowing ourselves to dwell on this thought, it does allow us to be gentler with ourselves than we normally would be. Staying in the present moment allows us to grasp each day as the "present" that it is.
So, as I sit here wrapped in my "present" moment, I wish you all well as you go about your day.
Namaste
This place is so easy to write in. Quiet outside and within the house and hence, within me. Hadn't had much of an urge to write the past couple of days as I was out and about as it had been sunny and I just didn't feel like hanging around in the house. Glad I did too with the shift in the weather today.
The quiet part of me is in bliss with my solitude these days. So very different from other times in my life. While in the past I have always wanted noise and others in my space the recent past has allowed me to blend with me and this discovery has been quite cathartic. I have many friends who have always enjoyed their quiet times but this way of being is new to me and I have to admit, I love it.
As I started writing my various articles today I found myself thinking about how much easier it is to write when I am questioning life. When I am content, the urge to put my thoughts down isn't quite as forceful. I smile as I realize that this is why there are so many "tortured" writers out there trying to calm their demons. They do say that there are more "mental instabilities" within the creative Soul than in the bulk of the population and I must agree.
I know that I have always said that if I couldn't write, I would be out of my mind as writing soothes my Soul. Throughout the times when life has thrown me curveballs, it has been my writing of my angst that helped lift me out of the doldrums and set me on a new path. Being a writer is by its very nature a solitary pursuit. I am not one of those who takes her laptop to a favourite coffee shop and writes in that busy place. For me, I seem to need quiet and no distractions when creating so finally living on my own again is a definite gift.
I wrote an article the other day speaking to the idea that each day is a present, a gift as it were, and it is important to develop this mindset if we are to enjoy our days on this earth. Of course, there are days when it might not feel so much like a gift but, when allowing ourselves to dwell on this thought, it does allow us to be gentler with ourselves than we normally would be. Staying in the present moment allows us to grasp each day as the "present" that it is.
So, as I sit here wrapped in my "present" moment, I wish you all well as you go about your day.
Namaste
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
It's all in the lessons in the end...
Was feeling a tad antsy a few moments ago. Odd as I have been SO friggin relaxed since moving in here. Wondering what this is all about......
There is one thing that might be bothering me on some level. I have facilitated Meditation circles for years. As the past year had been one full of strife I had backed off. Upon moving into my current space I sent out an informational email telling my old participants that as of today, Wednesday, I would be opening up my new home for weekly meditations. Many had been calling for it and I had thought we would have a nice little group. Unfortunately tonight was obviously not a good night for it. I think when I'm finished this little discourse I'll check out what the astrologers have to say about the energies surrounding this evening.
Anyway, in the past if no one responded I would feel out of sorts but knew that it was futile taking it personal. Even still it would affect me in one way or another for a day or two. This little bit of angst that is nagging at me feels sort of like that or perhaps more like just "off" somewhat. When I tap in energetically right now, in the area of my heart, there is a bit of denseness. That would definitely affect my energy.....you know heavier energy blocking the free flow of life force energy. I know that I am running off in a different direction here BUT I feel a lesson coming on and perhaps it will have a resonance within you for some reason. Hey, somehow you found me and if you are still here, something must have caught your attention.
So back to how various situations affect us energetically, either positively or negatively. If any of you have read The Four Agreements by Ruiz, one of them is Never Take ANY thing Personally, And this one little adjustment in your thinking can change your life. And please bear with me, I will get to the point with the following part of my story....
Over the past year, so many things happened to me and around me - some of which I NEVER would have dreamed possible in MY life - yet happen they did. There were even times when I was so distraught, as I struggled to get back up and out there, that I just found myself going numb, SO flat and listless for days on end. And this was not like me at all, well at least certainly not for more than an hour or so but this was heading into weeks and while I now know it was a severe bout of depression (thank God I found out what the problem was), at the time it was the weirdest experience.
I had things that I HAD to attend to as I was dealing with the death of my father and all that that entails on my own. Just me folks. There are others in the family who could have pitched in but that wasn't meant to be so deal with it all I did, while dealing with, as my Doctor said, a major depressive episode. On the days that there was nothing I HAD to do I kept expecting to be out there seeing people and doing my work, like I always had. However for the first time in my life I was finding it impossible to spend much time with others. There were many people I could have reached out to but I didn't. It felt like I needed to be on my own and work through this "episode" on my own on a much deeper level than I would have by speaking with friends and family.
Part of my problem was a family disturbance that I had been trying to remedy for years, to no avail. When are other people involved, it is impossible to do it on your own. Cooperation and openness and discussion is necessary but one of the people involved was constantly belittling me and it had been escalating rapidly during this same year of angst for me. I finally had to throw my hands up in surrender as I came to the realization that this situation had NOTHING to do with me anymore and I was beating my head against a brick wall and - I let it go. It was the other person's issue now and on my letting it go I stopped taking it personally. I didn't have to fix it as I had already dealt with on MY end. You have no idea how liberating that was.
And to make it even better I was able to step away from everything else that had been causing me so much pain. In essence, I had stopped taking things personally. It finally didn't matter what another said about me or threw at me because I knew in my heart that I was none of those things that were being bandied about.
I can even sit here chuckling about how many times I bent over backward and reached out only to be smacked down, or at least the attempt was there, time and time again. The last one was so big that all the people who were privy to the incident could only shake their heads and say stay away from that one. And stay away I have. There comes a time when we finally have to stand up for ourselves and say no more. What others think of us or expect of us is none of our business. It's what we think of ourselves and what we expect of ourselves that matters.
And with this rather long discourse that denseness in my heart is gone. I sometimes think I should not write so much of a personal nature. But the purpose of this blog from the very start was to share my journey with the hope that some of what I learn on my own path may have a glimmer of truth in yours.
As with all lessons learned it is always nice to share the outcome of it all with a positive bent. So I guess what I am saying here is that what might look like a disaster in the moment, is simply the catalyst to take us from here to there.
I wish you well on your journey.
Namaste.
There is one thing that might be bothering me on some level. I have facilitated Meditation circles for years. As the past year had been one full of strife I had backed off. Upon moving into my current space I sent out an informational email telling my old participants that as of today, Wednesday, I would be opening up my new home for weekly meditations. Many had been calling for it and I had thought we would have a nice little group. Unfortunately tonight was obviously not a good night for it. I think when I'm finished this little discourse I'll check out what the astrologers have to say about the energies surrounding this evening.
Anyway, in the past if no one responded I would feel out of sorts but knew that it was futile taking it personal. Even still it would affect me in one way or another for a day or two. This little bit of angst that is nagging at me feels sort of like that or perhaps more like just "off" somewhat. When I tap in energetically right now, in the area of my heart, there is a bit of denseness. That would definitely affect my energy.....you know heavier energy blocking the free flow of life force energy. I know that I am running off in a different direction here BUT I feel a lesson coming on and perhaps it will have a resonance within you for some reason. Hey, somehow you found me and if you are still here, something must have caught your attention.
So back to how various situations affect us energetically, either positively or negatively. If any of you have read The Four Agreements by Ruiz, one of them is Never Take ANY thing Personally, And this one little adjustment in your thinking can change your life. And please bear with me, I will get to the point with the following part of my story....
Over the past year, so many things happened to me and around me - some of which I NEVER would have dreamed possible in MY life - yet happen they did. There were even times when I was so distraught, as I struggled to get back up and out there, that I just found myself going numb, SO flat and listless for days on end. And this was not like me at all, well at least certainly not for more than an hour or so but this was heading into weeks and while I now know it was a severe bout of depression (thank God I found out what the problem was), at the time it was the weirdest experience.
I had things that I HAD to attend to as I was dealing with the death of my father and all that that entails on my own. Just me folks. There are others in the family who could have pitched in but that wasn't meant to be so deal with it all I did, while dealing with, as my Doctor said, a major depressive episode. On the days that there was nothing I HAD to do I kept expecting to be out there seeing people and doing my work, like I always had. However for the first time in my life I was finding it impossible to spend much time with others. There were many people I could have reached out to but I didn't. It felt like I needed to be on my own and work through this "episode" on my own on a much deeper level than I would have by speaking with friends and family.
Part of my problem was a family disturbance that I had been trying to remedy for years, to no avail. When are other people involved, it is impossible to do it on your own. Cooperation and openness and discussion is necessary but one of the people involved was constantly belittling me and it had been escalating rapidly during this same year of angst for me. I finally had to throw my hands up in surrender as I came to the realization that this situation had NOTHING to do with me anymore and I was beating my head against a brick wall and - I let it go. It was the other person's issue now and on my letting it go I stopped taking it personally. I didn't have to fix it as I had already dealt with on MY end. You have no idea how liberating that was.
And to make it even better I was able to step away from everything else that had been causing me so much pain. In essence, I had stopped taking things personally. It finally didn't matter what another said about me or threw at me because I knew in my heart that I was none of those things that were being bandied about.
I can even sit here chuckling about how many times I bent over backward and reached out only to be smacked down, or at least the attempt was there, time and time again. The last one was so big that all the people who were privy to the incident could only shake their heads and say stay away from that one. And stay away I have. There comes a time when we finally have to stand up for ourselves and say no more. What others think of us or expect of us is none of our business. It's what we think of ourselves and what we expect of ourselves that matters.
And with this rather long discourse that denseness in my heart is gone. I sometimes think I should not write so much of a personal nature. But the purpose of this blog from the very start was to share my journey with the hope that some of what I learn on my own path may have a glimmer of truth in yours.
As with all lessons learned it is always nice to share the outcome of it all with a positive bent. So I guess what I am saying here is that what might look like a disaster in the moment, is simply the catalyst to take us from here to there.
I wish you well on your journey.
Namaste.
Tuesday, January 08, 2013
From Ruralville to Citified
Sitting here looking out yet another window at the rain. I don't know why I even mention it anymore as Vancouver in January is always like this. However it IS a different window from the one I was looking out of when I last posted.
Moved back into the city after a 4 month stint out in both the suburbs and a very rural area even farther than the suburbs. I am most definitely a city girl so being able to wander around another neighbourhood in the city feels so good. Went to the old neighbourhood yesterday and instead of the over one hour drive from Ruralville, it only took me 12 minutes....schweeet!
I just moved in here 3 days ago yet it feels like home. I have discovered something about myself this past little while. I seem to be able to simply feel like I'm home within about 24 hours upon arrival in my new living spaces. There are very few things that I am attached to these days and when moving into the space of another, which I have done in this current housesitting situation for the next two months, I find that once I have bits of lace and crystals placed within any new space I feel completely comfortable and, more importantly, at home.
I have a lovely spot to sit and write with a view of the mountains and lots of trees. This current space is the main floor of a heritage house in a very eclectic neighbourhood. It is very quiet with the occasional car going by and neighbours strolling by with their dogs.
A friend of the resident of this space connected the two of us as she was heading out on an adventure and wanted to have someone stay in her place while she was gone and POOF here I am. We connected immediately and while it is a tad chilly here (old house you know) it feels very VERY homey. Other than writing I have been reading and generally being quiet.
Checked out one gym in the neighbourhood but the equipment is old and it was way too crowded. Will check out another tomorrow and hope that it "feels" like a fit.
So there you go. I have a new home, a few items of mine (I left my furniture and such at the Ruralville location), been checking out the neighbourhood, sussing out gyms and voila....Here I AM.
Moved back into the city after a 4 month stint out in both the suburbs and a very rural area even farther than the suburbs. I am most definitely a city girl so being able to wander around another neighbourhood in the city feels so good. Went to the old neighbourhood yesterday and instead of the over one hour drive from Ruralville, it only took me 12 minutes....schweeet!
I just moved in here 3 days ago yet it feels like home. I have discovered something about myself this past little while. I seem to be able to simply feel like I'm home within about 24 hours upon arrival in my new living spaces. There are very few things that I am attached to these days and when moving into the space of another, which I have done in this current housesitting situation for the next two months, I find that once I have bits of lace and crystals placed within any new space I feel completely comfortable and, more importantly, at home.
I have a lovely spot to sit and write with a view of the mountains and lots of trees. This current space is the main floor of a heritage house in a very eclectic neighbourhood. It is very quiet with the occasional car going by and neighbours strolling by with their dogs.
A friend of the resident of this space connected the two of us as she was heading out on an adventure and wanted to have someone stay in her place while she was gone and POOF here I am. We connected immediately and while it is a tad chilly here (old house you know) it feels very VERY homey. Other than writing I have been reading and generally being quiet.
Checked out one gym in the neighbourhood but the equipment is old and it was way too crowded. Will check out another tomorrow and hope that it "feels" like a fit.
So there you go. I have a new home, a few items of mine (I left my furniture and such at the Ruralville location), been checking out the neighbourhood, sussing out gyms and voila....Here I AM.
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