The newness of the Season.

Just stepped out of my other online blog as the words were not flowing as I had intended.  Interesting that I can just write any old thing on THIS blog...........hmmmm, just realized that THIS blog is where I prime the well so to speak.  Here I allow myself to simply speak my mind trusting that at the end of it I - and perhaps YOU - will have an AHA moment.  GAWD.....where have I been.

As I sit before the screen I feel alive.  Even just this simple act of putting thoughts down on paper (or screen as it were) seems to activate a more alive, vibrant part of me.   For the past couple of months as I have been settling in to my new life AGAIN!! the need to write, to create - has been satisfied in creating my new home.  And a lovely creation it has become.   But now, all the time and energy that was expended putting it all together has come to a place of completion and there is now time left over in my day to fill as I choose.  And the Muse has been gently nudging me towards the keyboard once more and this is good.

A friend of mine lamented the fact that I have not been posting regularly.  She is one of those Souls who, when going through her own stuff, can sit and read my words, finding that she resonates very strongly with what comes through for me and, in that understanding, she finds a place of peace....a more balanced place "within" to move forward.  Perhaps not so much in this particular venue but in my more "spiritual" blog.

And if that reason isn't enough to feel the prompt to write, well, I can't think of a better one.  Unless I consider the help it gives ME to write then that could be even more important in the long run.  You see, I think most of us bloggers have the urge to write the next great novel or some over the moon self help manual  and if we do not write, nothing will ever come of that dream or master intention.

Not to mention that I have heard the saying "Do what you love and the money will follow" and while some might consider this a delusional way to operate in our $$$$ operated world I gotta say I tend to agree.  I could go and get a JOB.......horrors!!!!..... but that would definitely cut into my writing time and basically LIFE.  I have enough and my needs are minimal so I am going to simply stick to the idea that if I do what I love and share the joy of just BEING that my needs will continue to be taken care of.

I am also a healer and intuitive reader and this "work" gives me so much....not perhaps in the realm of riches and fame, but enough.  It also gives me the opportunity to assist my friends and family with my intuitive direction and inspirational little reminders that "this too shall pass" which is DIVINE TRUTH - a truth that allows us all to see the light at the end of the tunnel with a little more understanding.

My life feels very full and alive now.  I am now just allowing myself to be ME with all my little unique ways just because it works for ME.  I am finding that everyone around me is acting differently and life is flowing in a softer way. 

It is a new season and everything feels new again.

We are blessed.

No Fear Here

Just got a bit of disturbing news from the Doctor which, at any other time in my life would have set me off into a tailspin, has elicited no more extreme reaction other than "O.K. now what can I do", not what someone else can do but what can I do to alleviate the situation and bring me back into balance. I had to calm a friend of mine down as she always looks at the bleakest possible situation FIRST which is so not in my frame of mind.

Turns out I have a slightly enlarged left ventricle which is supposedly due to hypertension which makes perfect sense to ME since my entire life has been full of the aforementioned HYPER tension....ALWAYS.  Being diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder back in the summer put a lot of things in perspective for me with respect to how I react or respond to various situations.

For instance NOW when I am with someone whose energy is setting me off (usually when THEY are anxious or excited or majorly confused) I find I breathe and gently bring to their attention that something is off.  In that moment of awareness they generally calm down and apologize.  I remind them that they have no need to apologize to ME......they should apologize to themselves for allowing outside circumstances to rattle their defenses, bringing them into an unbalanced state.  And THAT, dear friends is how I have managed to moved effortlessly through this latest debaucle. 

The awareness is now ever present allowing me to take charge of those situations I CAN and let go of those situations I have no control over.  And bringing others attention to their own situation gently works wonders for not only them but me and everyone benefits.

Where in the past I would have panicked as my life was full of fear and distrust - that Fear is now a dim flicker in my consciousness.  Do you know how great that feels. 

I was speaking with another friend and mentioned that for the first time in my life I feel settled and content even without a job or a partner.  And those two things were always two of the biggest stressors in my world.  The need for financial security and being WITH someone.  Even when life was going very VERY well with lots of money AND a successful husband, I still had a sense of fear and concern going on.  And now I have a small amount of money with no partner and no desire to partner up any time soon but life feels complete. 

When the fear is gone and you start to learn how to love your Self, in all your perfect imperfections, a settled feeling comes over you.  Not settled in the "Oh she settled" kind of way but balanced inside.  A balance that comes from understanding where you were and where you ARE, all the while  knowing that changes occur continuously in one's life and it becomes all about how we flow with those changes as we merge with our true essence.

And I think I'll leave it at that today.  Go about YOUR day with a renewed sense of Joy knowing that something special is waiting for you to discover - within...

Namaste

Dinner at Grandma's house

Sheesh, it has been so long since I last posted that I had to go through a huge process to get back in but, here I am.

Wow where to begin.  Been such a change in my life this past year and now I finally find myself in my own little sacred space once more......just me, no one else......and it feels totally liberating.  I don't have any intention of reminding you, my dear readers, of what has transpired this year but suffice to say - it's been a lot.  I am just happy that I have landed here.

Got a cute apartment which I have been putting together for the past month and a half.  Was a tad disconcerting however moving in with only a bed and a chair.....argh.  But for some odd reason I just slowly worked at putting it all together and it looks and FEELS great.  Feels like home and it has been such a long time that that feeling has been present.  Very cozy and at this moment I am waiting on my son, daughter in law and granddaughter to arrive for dinner at Grandma's house.  And this situation is perhaps the greatest wonder out of all of the turmoil of the past.

I never realized how much being a Grandmother would affect me.  Perhaps it is even more poignant as there was a time when discordance was rampant between my son and his wife and ME.  I finally had to let it all go, releasing the angst with a firm belief that with time things would change.  Through all of that time, while having issues with the son and his wife, I was not allowed to see my granddaughter. 

When we had our first get together at a mutual friend's home I was concerned most of all with the reaction of my granddaughter to me.  Would she remember me?  Would she cry?  I hadn't seen her for over 6 months and she was only 18 months on that day.  I was being brave and just letting it all unfold in its own order but inside my stomach was reacting to the unknown.  However, when I first said Hi to her, she tilted her head to one side and smiled.  And with that.....we got to know one another again.  In fact she just started playing with me.  She knew who I was and that was that.

We now see each other at least once a week and it is such fun.

And my daughter in law and I are back in a wonderful place.  In fact we are better than we ever have been as mother in law and daughter in law.  We knew one another prior to her marrying my son and had been very friendly.  It has taken us about 5 years to find our way back to the loving place I had always envisioned would be the situation when my son married.   Success!

I haven't been writing at all the past couple of months as I got settled in.  But now that I have a HOME again, the Muse is now able to capture my attention or at least I am planning on it.

Time to get going on dinner...

Namaste