Showing up.

Interesting how challenging I am finding it to do anything other than the basics these days.  And of course than means not even writing...again.  Why is that I ask myself as I stare at the computer, sitting patiently waiting for me to bring my attention to the words once again. 

I have been reading the words of others to be sure but I am starting to think that by doing that I am giving myself an excuse NOT to write.  And as I wrap myself around that one - WHY DO I NEED AN EXCUSE NOT TO WRITE - it just seems ridiculous.  I mean once I get going I love it and it always makes me feel like a, well...a writer.  But of course then that stupid little voice in my head says "Well IF you truly are a writer, you would dedicate yourself to your craft."  OUCH

I am, of course, my own worst enemy.

I have many friends and acquaintance who write diligently daily.  Some have published books and really GOOD ones too.  Others, like myself, have seen their poems published as parts of books which is great at the time but for me, I find that if I only do that occasionally I must not be that good.

For those of you who do drop by my blog from time to time, you by now realize that this blog, while it does go out there in cyberspace, is actually my own sounding board for me to figure things out. And so as to the last paragraph I know that I am a good writer and that there are many diverse topics and ways that I can and do write so again I am asking myself....."What am I afraid of?"

The first thing that comes to mind is that it means I have to dedicate myself to ME without all the myriad distractions that come my way.  

I now realize that, with all the years of me being there for others, worrying about others, assisting and doing all I could for others it stopped me doing anything really for me.  I felt that by helping everyone I was doing a good thing but at the end of the day, when I was not needed to help another or my desire to help was not received, I was left with nothing to do. And of course since I felt that this was what I had to be doing to be a good contributing person out in the world, I lost sight of me and what I needed, what assistance I needed.

When I am writing and then later, reading my words, I realize that there is so much more I can share by writing than by simply sitting one on one with people.  While I love the face to face aspect of the work that I do, there seems to be an extra charge received when seeing the thoughts that come from me when I allow ME to shine through. 

Smile....I just love how one thought magically moves toward another....

Someone suggested to me the other day that I should sign up to do a talk at a Holistic Expo that is coming in November.  Another acquaintance is making quite the name for herself as an Inspirational Speaker and recently did a talk on developing a "signature talk" to get your name out there.  So since I do love words how hard would it be to do what is suggested since I really have no problem speaking in front of large groups of people.  Methinks I just might have given myself a little push this morning.

Sure hope that whichever part of me "pushed" this morning returns on a daily basis once more.  I'll be waiting or maybe, better still, I'll even meet her right back here tomorrow with more insights for me.

Sounds like a plan..