Surrender and Acceptance for all - just as it is....

After a busier month than usual for me, I just spent the past 3 days on my own.  I realize that is not a big deal for many but for me, it is different.  Other than going to the gym I have been staying close to home and just being with me, myself and I.  I have actually been asking myself if something is wrong with me as I always wanted to be with others in the past.  I felt anxious on my own or by myself. And now, here I am, choosing to be solitary.

In the past the only time I did that was if I was depressed or low.  But I am certainly NOT depressed - just quiet.  But I must admit I am also not being exactly motivated to do anything other than whatever I do want to do, which has not been much.  There is a little voice quietly reminding me however that the Fall is coming and with the Fall, at least for me, it represents the "beginning" of the year.  When we were children the summer represented play and fun time, holidays - lazy, hazy days of summer and that perfectly sums it up for me.  I am feeling lazy.

We all have lazy days but this is new for me.  While I never did work too hard at any time in my life, or at least it didn't feel like hard work, I was always busy doing some thing.  In fact back then people used to say I could do more in one day that most women did in a week.  These days the only thing I make sure to do is go to the gym.

I had given myself the summer to relax but now that Fall beckons I am starting to think it is time to get going on things now.  And as I sit here I realize that I already AM getting ready but gently and in a more calm manner.  This is a good thing I tell myself yet still it feels odd to be so relaxed.

Perhaps this newer relaxed Me is just fine as she is......I hate it when I talk about me in the 3rd person but sometimes I do feel that who I am now is a far cry from who I used to be.  People who have known me for a long time comment on the difference and are amazed at how calm and at peace I seem to be.  I guess there really is something to having the rug ripped out from under you and starting from scratch again but that is what happened a mere year ago.

As I sit here in my new sweet little sacred space, listening to some wonderful music while the breeze drifts in through the balcony doors with absolutely nothing pressuring me to do anything other than what I AM doing - it does feel good.  For so many years I lamented the state of my world and now, in this new world, I am at peace.

Why give myself a hard time for just enjoying the beauty of solitude with me, myself and I? 

And with that I surrender and accept that I am fine just the way I AM.

And so it is....

Thanks for listening